FEB 2010 No longer newborns!!

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

Three months and counting, everyone! Our babies are gradually getting the hang of the world...and we are gradually getting the hang of them...

BG - I feed guilty all the time!

I feel guilty that I sometimes have to leave DD3 to cry as I'm trying to sort out lunch for DD1 and DD2. I also feel bad about the fact that she gets lugged around to all of the activities for the older 2!

I feel guilty that DD1 never ever gets any time on her own with me as there is always another child around so she has terrible tantrums just to get my attention.

I feel guilty that DD2 is stuck in the middle and she gets bossed around by her older sister!

But then I remind myself of the fact that I have 3 gorgeous girls who all love each other (sometimes) and will grow up to be best of friends (I hope!). And that when I am ancient and crone-like they will have each other to lean on. And they won't remember any of this anyway!

I feel guilty too, and here are some - and just - ome - of the reasons why:

1. DD1 has to do more and more for herself because I have to attend to DD2. Yesterday afternoon, DD2 had a long nap (two hours), and DD1 and I had a lovely time doing jigsaws and reading books and having cuddles - which made me feel worse!

2. DD2 gets ignored sometimes because I have to attend to DD1 - for example, if she needs a bottle and I am doing DD1's dinner, she has to wait a couple of minutes so I can give DD1 her dinner then sit down and do the bottle while keepig DD1 company as she eats. UI swear DD2 has been practicing her sad face, it's so comically and professionally sad.

3. I crave a bit of time for me, then feel guilty that I do that.

4. I give DH a hard time for being rubbish, then feel guilty about it.

Maternal guilt is a difficult thing.

Gosh we are a sorry lot, aren't we I agree, they won't really remember any of this and will grow up having family (particularly important to me because our close family are either abroad or dead...). I keep a little diary for the girls and try to make sure I write down all the funny things. The good point already is that dd1 has a sister (she would end up miserable as an only child because she's so sociable) and dd2 already looks up at her big sister adoringly.. Earlier dd1 was very pleased when I told the baby off (I tend to speak to the baby as if she were a toddler - for the toddler's benefit obviously). dd2 was on my lap with her feet on the table and did some incredibly loud farts. dd1 thought it was hilarious, especially when I told the baby off for feet on the table and the noise
I shouldn't really feel so guilty all the time because I'm doing my best (yes, and it does mean sometimes one of them has to wait for my attention). Somehow I don't think dh gives it all a second thought... Must be a mummy thing.

Anyone else NOT going to watch the football??

Me bg luckily dp agrees and we are a football free house. In fact we plan to catch up on Wednesday's episode of the Apprentice on iplayer that we missed. Weekends aren't quite what they used to be are they.....

I would like to add a couple more of my guilt trips please.

1. I am so impatient with dd sometimes. Like when she disturbs ds when he is napping. She is only 4 and I should be more understanding but when you are tired it's hard. Sometimes I feel like I can't wait until she starts school in September. Of course when the time comes I will be heartbroken.
2. When dd catches me cooing over ds I feel soooo guilty.
3. Most of the time ds gets my undivided attention for periods of half a minute maximum. Then I have to leave him under his play arch while I cook, tidy up, focus on dd, feed the chickens, feed the baby crow dp rescued last week (yes really). The list goes on.

I actually got told off by dp this week for not devoting enough time one day to checking on one of HIS chickens who has had chicks, or his rescued crow. Because I had a spare 20 minutes I was wondering how I could fill! They really have no idea I don't think, exactly how much we do. When dp has had to look after dd by himself, he will always take her round to his mum and dad's to ease the work load, plus quite a lot of 'horizontal' parenting takes place. This is a common method used by all males I know and involves either watching a dvd/tv while horizontal on the sofa and totally ignoring the small child playing on the floor next to you. Or if you are a bit tired after your week at work you very generously let your dc select a dvd of their choice. Then you cuddle up on the sofa and have a snooze while they watch it, in a yes, you've guessed it, horizontal position!

Can I ask everyone still breastfeeding, how long their feeds are taking? A 10 minute feed is a long one for ds and it freaks me out a bit because dd would take much longer. I am guessing he is just more efficient.

gf hope your return to work goes well.

chinook Love the 'horizontal parenting' term... and yes, you are so right, that's exactly what dh does!!!

I've been getting baby tantrums today! At lunchtime dd2 got very cross with me for alternating yummy carrot puree with her bottle of boring old milk... And at dinner she had a meltdown because I put her down on her mat for a minute to adjust the consistency of her food (too runny - found baby rice is good for adding to things but agree with other posters that it is rubbish by itself). She was absolutely beside herself when she thought I would only give her two spoonfuls of food!
Lovely to have another strong willed child (in the nicest sense possible) but I am not looking forward to my girls being teenagers...

Well, so much about avoiding the football... there was a massive roar echoing down the street just after half past, so without watching it I knew England had scored

My head is full of ideas on weaning and I can't wait to start my little experiments (nothing sinister, just odd combinations ). My most memorable was sweet potato and beetroot. Fed it to dd1 without a hitch until she sneezed with her mouth full . Never managed to get the stains out of my top!!!

Back from a hot outdoor wedding with no shade. The day got off to a crap start: left the house on time with DS2 to feed him at the venue (and for DH and DS1 to join us later). Got to the car to find some unhelpful twit had smashed my rear windscreen overnight. Not only did this suddenly mean we only had one car for a day when our plans all revolved around having two (due to DS1 still being under the weather), but also meant that the buggy was trapped underneath a massive pile of shattered glass.

Luckily, a lovely neighbour, whom I only know well enough to exchange pleasantries about the weather, immediately offered me his car for the day and patched up my boot for me as well - what a hero! Swirched to double buggy and arrived in time for DS2 to refuse to feed as the town hall in Stratford-Upon-Avon was simply far too exciting for him! He finally fed an hour later... The positive was that both DSs sat in silence throughout the 30 minute service (a bloody miracle, due in part to DS1 being ill, so a bit of a cheat really!) The DS1 and DH went off home for a refuel/nap and DS1 refused to wake up and just screamed. I finally got my family back at about 5.30pm! I'm knackered and I've only really sat in the sun all day!

Anyway, to answer some questions:
Guilt? Don't we get a dose at the birth of the first DC and a further dose with each subsequent DC!! I don't feel like I really meet the needs of either DS for any length of time and am certainly not meeting DH's needs either !! As you've said, the DCs won't remember this stage mostly anyway and will have beneiftted from havng a sibling in the long run hopefully.

Horizontal parenting - definitely DH's idea of looking after DS1 - he's just miffed that DS1 likes Mama Mia on dvd more than he likes Cars (on dvd), particularly when DS1 shows off his dance moves to it and insists we sing Abba songs at bedtime!! DH is generally brilliant so I really can't complain-shall I hire him out/get him to lead a seminar or two?!

Sorry to hear about the coughs and poorly chests-things seem to be lingering this year. I hope you all feel better soon.

Having quick feeds here at the mo too. I've decided as DS2 is so big that I have to just go with what he wants, though the current nosiness, coupled with the reflux, makes it very hard to tell whether or not he's having a proper feed. The fact that he goes 4 hours between suggests the answer is yes I guess.

Horizontal parenting

I've been super lucky with my DH so far - he's chef, laundryman, domestic servant and baby laughter generator and bath-giver extraordinaire! [smug emoticon] - which is why I haven't begrudged him a couple of late nights out with his friend this weekend (plus attendant lie-ins) - after all, I would have been asleep anyway for the former and up anyway for the latter! Definitely feel like one lucky lady, especially when hearing tales of the type of "fathering" being practiced by some of my friends' DHs and DPs. Mind you, it helps that my DH's job is afternoons/evenings and doesn't include Fridays (every other Sat morning, though). We've decided - unless something changes - to stay another year here while he continues in his job. Another job probably would earn him no more money and mean he has less time to give me and DD. Finances will be a tad tight, though.

We haven't got a working telly so looked briefly at the football on the internet. I used to enjoy the ritual of getting together with a bunch of mates plus beers and going through the agony of watching England in action together. This year I am also supporting Spain - hedging my bets (!)

Sleep last night was snatch and grab as usual. I've resigned myself to this being my lot for the time being and try not to get too het up about it. DD is at least accepting her dummy for settling again, which is a bit more helpful than only wanting to be attached to my nipple.

Feeding - DD is inconsistent nowadays. Sometimes she will feed for longer than 5 or ten mins, sometimes not. I offer her a lot of feeds because of this and recently she's been taking a fair bit more, which is good as I was getting worried about her intake a couple of weeks ago, she didn't seem to be eating much at all. Much better now, it's showing in the nappy content too

Guilt - well, only one child so far and a very tolerant DH, so haven't fallen prey to too much of it yet. Only a matter of time, I suspect...

What a bummer with your car, bethylou! And didn't your neighbour help restore your faith in humanity? Sounds like a very nice chap.

Hi all,

Just getting ready for young Alexander's Quaker welcoming meeting today. Am pretty nervous - it's silence for half an hour (with people speaking off the cuff if they feel moved to) - I just hope he can stay quiet, or at least stick to gentle burbling noises rather than full on crying/screaming. Am taking his favourite toy and a bottle of expressed milk and hoping for the best.

Bethylou Poor you with the tent and the vomiting and then the car window! What a lovely, kind neighbour though.

Chinook Crow? Seriously?

As for guilt, I felt so guilty yesterday that I wasn't giving him enough attention and he is my only one! I was having one of those days where you feel utterly exhusted (have you noticed - amount of sleep the night before seems to have nothing to do with how knackered you feel on a given day).

My anxiety is a lot better (almost completely better) since DH got back from Canada. I don't think I realised how much I depend on him. I would moan that whenever I give DS to him to look after for 20 mins - he just puts him in his pram in his office and pushes him back and forth while still working but at least I can have a 20 min break, even if they don't do my idea of interacting all the time.

Feeding can be really quick these days - just a couple of minutes even. I have moved onto faster flowing teats for his expressed feeds and if he's in the mood he can take 60ml in less than a minute.

What a beautiful morning today. I regret not to have a paddling pool

Our night was average but fine.

On wednesday the GP gave us some Gaviscon in order to help DS reflux. It does help as he's not posseting anymore but I'll have to stoop using it as he's now constipated and his farts make him very uncomfortable got the feeling to be back 2 months ago when he had colic). Do you know if it's normal and if the other reflux remedies provoke constipation too?

bethylou what a nice neighbour you have.

Gult: I only have 1 and feel guilty that as from tomorrow I'll leave him to strangers all day long 5 days a week...

Yes, a very common reaction to Gaviscon, GF - there are other medications you can take, but I'll let the reflux experts tell you about those.
Good luck tomorrow! Probably when you're at work, the time will go so quickly, you'll be back with your DS in what will feel like the blink of an eye...

Yes, a very common reaction to Gaviscon, GF - there are other medications you can take, but I'll let the reflux experts tell you about those.
Good luck tomorrow! Probably when you're at work, the time will go so quickly, you'll be back with your DS in what will feel like the blink of an eye...

Is there an echo in here??

echo ...echo....... echo

Guilt is an amazing thing isn't it. Hopefully it will motivate us to do the very best that we can do. To be honest I felt guilt for everything before LO arrived, so I guess the focus has just shifted.

Have to say I'm with IC on the DH front, atm he does nearly all her putting to bed, which is quite alot as she has a 30 mins nap roughly every 2 hours.

Were also exactly the same on the feeding front. 10 min feeds, but now I'm feeding her every 2 hours, the poo front has increased dramatically. I was quite happy with the short feeds, but now that she's turned into a v small baby, instead of just a small baby, I'm always paranoid that its not enough. Try to tell myself that I was always the smallest in the class, so I can't expect
her to be that big, but theres always that niggling doubt, that it's somehow your fault. I know though, that if I switched to formula that the guilt would increas 10 fold. Also, feeding herself is about the only thing that makes me feel like her mother, especially with going back to work and DH due to take over nearly everything else. The few expressed bottles she's had recently she's taken 4-4.5oz so thats up from a month ago when it was 3-4oz.

We're due to fly on Friday, still doesn't feel real

Must be fair on dh and say that he was (and is) very hands on with dd1... She is a real daddy's girl and he has given heer even more attention since dd2 was born. So now I feel guilty that dd2 sometimes stares at him for ages before smiling because she wonders who that kind stranger is who picks her up occasionally

Hello everyone, RL is so busy right now that I hardly have time to read/reply.

GF - feel for you with your chest infection, I got one when I went back to work too and felt so shitty for a while.

Bethylou - sorry to hear of your car/camping experiences. You must have been fuming to see your car in that state.

Galadriel - welcome back and sorry to hear about the difficulties you had.

Guilt? Guilt? Goodness, I cried the other day, as I had been away for a night, for work, and dd was just to forgiving and happy to see me when I got back. I feel so guilty all of the time.

More guilt... DH and I went to some friends to watch the football yesterday and took DD2 with us (DD1 was having a sleepover at the ILs - more guilt). Bless DD2, it was the first sign of any clinginess, but I think there were quite a few people and unfamiliar surroundings, and it meant that she burst into tears if she couldn't see me. Not even DH would do.

But really she was an angel. Went to bed in her travel cot (first time we've used it with her) with no problems at all at 7:15pm, woke up at 6:30am for a bottle and went back down until 8am. Can't ask for more than that.

And DD1 had a lovely time at her sleepover (though apparently she cried for me at bedtime).

Some friends of ours who also went to the footie do brought their five year old who asked me if there was another baby in my tummy. I thought I was doing OK on that front, but obviously not!

Appear to have lost my ability to spell last night. Will try harder tonight!

My rather mixed day yesterday ended in DS2 randomly depositing virtually the entire dream feed (which I initially typed as 'cream feed' - perhaps this explains the problem?!) on our bedroom carpet just after DH had laid him in the cot at 12:30a.m (after an hour and a half of settling..) Cue lots of carpet cleaning, bed changing, baby changing etc.. and a night of me worrying about his fluid levels. This would appear to have been a random event (reflux again - boring) as he has been fine today. Think all our carpets will need replacing once DS2 is potty trained. Might have to be earlier if the smell becomes obvious!

GF Gaviscon constipated my two as well. The GP said to try alternate days and I only ever gave half recommended dose - try these and see if you can find a balance. It didn't even work for my two.

Since then we've had ranitidine (great for DS1 and still on it now, didn't work for DS2), omeprazole and domperidone. These seem more effective but are rather more 'heavy' drugs as far as I can tell. None of these drugs gave them constipation. If you want to know more google 'cryingoverspiltmilk'. It's a website from New Zealand I believe but explains more about the various options (and can reassure you!)

Have to go to bed now to face the week ahead in any kind of fit state.

Hi, A lot to catch up this week end, you all have been busy.
No football here. It is ban at home. We always had an agreement that DP was allowed to go to the pub as much as he wants to watch football and that I could have a football free house. It don't see why it should change now that we have kids and no pubs around... (we do have restaurant and hotels who retransmit but he has no footy mates...)
For the guilt, there will always be some. Not doing the same for DD1 than for DD2 or vice-versa. And letting DH down (he is not helping by acting like a teen, though! ). We had a very rough time, no jobs, both our surviving gran died, his dad died, we live far away from family, so it was all excusable, but it is getting a bit long now . I didn't have time to grieve, or worry or anything, just making sure the girls were OK and giving him space but now I want him back! sorry for the rant.

MAwbroon (or watercress?) or BG, I do tell the baby off for DD1's (5) sake. It makes her happy and she thinks it is fair.
Stop being too guilty, we need some me time too. happy mummy, happy baby! . We are all doing her best even if sometimes I practice horizontal parenting too
Chinook at your DH! when I have the 2 DD together (I mean out of school time) I often don't have time to pee...

On the baby front, DD2 was an angel at her sister dance show (1h30) (don't they know we are tired parents?) it was very cute to see those girls.

She is weaning quite well, but still in tiny amounts (2/3 ice cubes) she seems to wants more but I do think it is a bit early (she is 20 weeks, 17 corrected, but seeing her size and development I don't think it matters anymore.) BG how much do you give?

She is rolling, both way, I haven't seen it but found her in the middle of the living room (2 or 3 m away from where I left her!), and that wasn't caterpillar back crawling.

good luck for those going back to work.

mamaloco I am so sorry you're having such a tough time of it, I hope things start to improve soon.

Bethylou It's horrible when they bring up an entire feed. You think that possets seen to be a lot of liquid but you really know about it when they throwup everything. A did it to me - in my face pretty much while I was pying in bed with him in my arms. I was just stunned (and dripping with cottage-cheesey stuff).

I was nervous about the welcoming meeting and reception yesterday but he behaved like a dream and it all went really well. We left the house at midday and got home about 6.30 and he was a little angel all day.

I'd been so nervous that he was going to scream, puke, fart or poo really loudly in meeting. Particularly as he hadn't done his usual morning poo. He actually went all day without a crap but rewarded me this morning with an extra full nappy.

Someone read this out which I think is lovely:

www.katsandogz.com/onchildren.html

mamloco, big sympathy vibes in your direction...

Nice poem, bc - I think I've come across it before, but good to be reminded. Glad the Friends meeting went well.

After her first three-hour stretch last night, DD woke up pretty well every hour after that, more or less - and needed two longish re-settles. Trouble is, I'm kind of feeding her back to sleep each time and I don't think that's helping her learn how to self-settle, especially now she doesn't want the dummy. I guess I could try just rocking her after some wake-ups to see if that works, but feeding is SO quick compared to other methods (plus it means she continually gets the milk which makes her bigger - I'm sure her weight-gains this month will be better than previous months).

Part of me thinks I should just go with the flow, at least until she's six months corrected, another part of me thinks I should be doing something to start getting her out of the feed-to-sleep habit...

Any thoughts?

Thought of the day: quite glad we don't have proper seasons in the UK because I can re-use pretty much all clothes from dd1 for dd2 despite one being a summer and one a winter baby. (By proper seasons I mean up to 38 degrees in summer and down to -18 in winter like I had as a child... Odd to think on the continent people are able to pack away one set of clothes for an entire season. I seem to wear the same things all year round)
Anyway, rambling a bit...
mamaloco it's about 2/3 cubes here too and she would happily have more if I let her, but I don't want her cutting down on her milk too much.
IC by the way, I like your baby gym! Should have thought of that myself. My mum had inexplicably misplaced the plastic one she had for dd1...

Heh, thanks BG!

Where did you grow up, btw?

Anyone else getting post-natal hair loss yet? I have a bald patch and a receding hairline... DH is greatly amused that he's not the only one contemplating a comb-over.