AUG 08 - Here we go again and again and again...

[TwilightSurfer]

Seriously!

Real babies?? ]
Well, I never did.

We've had a lovely weekend here with my sisters, brother-in-law and nephews. They really are great company.

It's been a decent way of distracting me from a disastrous few days. DS came home from football training upset about being punched in the face. I did what I don't do and rang the mum in question to ask if we could get to the bottom of it. Mass investigation including ringing the coaches takes off which hadn't been what I'd been after at all. Anyway,it turns out that ds had lied about his own role in the whole thing. My friendnship now on shaky ground and all the times I reacted calmly count for nothing.

Fwiw, I reacted calmly this time too, making sure ds had a chance to change his story before I rang and being as sensible as poss about it all on the phone too. I've been told that ds needs to toughen up (and accept punches on the face?) and that what happens to him at school, training or anywhere in fact will never be of any interest.

I'm furious with myself for jumping in instead of keeping my counsel. Furious with ds for lying in a way that now means I can't approach another parent or the school to question things that happen to him without effectively getting both of us ostracised. I haven't felt so sick about a situation going wrong (apart from that meeting a few weeks ago) for about 20 years.

So, relations with ds are really strained because he can see how upset I've been about it all. And I'm struggling to clear my head about it all to the point where I'll be able to try to get things back on an even keel.

He is a small boy. Small boys tell lies and make mistakes. This one has just rippled out really badly into everything.

I had a very interesting chat about it with youngest sister who is very discreet, but is always told here in appraisals that she is too direct and that it is better to operate by hints than statements. There is a kind of cultural clash I think where my 'look no hands' open way of addressing things is being read as aggressive here in a very small community where as little as possible gets said. Does that make any sense. Either that or I really am aggressive and just haven't noticed. God, I feel all at sea with this ...

Anyway, I am going to have to learn to shut up, I think. God, sorry for moaning again ...

Albs, a doctor once said to me that the only children she worried about were the ones who didn't feel able to act out their complex emotions in front of their parents. It is very hard to have them battling you. Let's all band together and drink gin until they start co-operating again.

Bonjour Gardenia. Sad isn't it to know that the ryanline is now closed. Contrary old sod that he was, his scandalous chats with women in the late 80s and early 90s really did a bit to push me into thinking about the ideas that became my phd.

Red I don't know what to say other than {{hugs}} I was told this week in my appraisal that I've to be less overtly vocal from a micro managing wanker who's known me only a few months - I too shall learn to shut up - we can do it together

Nugs right back at ya, Dizzy.

I fear my silences rarely last longer than dd1's 11 second 'sponsored silence' record. Though we got into the car after a Lidl shop on Friday, and after 2 minutes my heart lurched. She hadn't spoken and so I automatically panicked that I had left her behind.

In other news, Maud was distraught yesterday when she put her picnic lunch on a rock for a minute and a seagull nabbed it. We were all inconsolable with laughter and she marched around shouting 'it's NOT funny'.

DD1 is UTTERLY incapable of being quiet either - I swear it hurts her in some way we also had a moment yesterday where I laughed at the water pistol antics and DD1 took rather a bad reaction to it and marched off, sounds like our girls need to meet to swap notes!!!

Oh no Red, i am wincing in pain and embarrassment for you here . I really hope this has taught DS a lesson about telling truths and i'm sure the other mum's know that you are anything other than utterly reasonable. {{{hugs}}}

LOL @ 11 second sponsored silence. that would SO be DD1 . Very occasionally she asks me to turn music off in the car and stop talking as she wants 'peace and quiet'. I always nod my head and accept this command

LOL at the denial ladies. Too late for that dears............

Have just had to tell DD1 to "SHUT UP & EAT!" She too is part of the CAN'T BE QUIET gang.

Red I feel your pain!!! I too did something similar (will keep it to myself) and felt the very same way. Things are so out in the open for me emotions-wise that it's hard to restrain. ((hug))

Hello, oh, now you've all gone to bed, whoops. My DBro's family were down this wknd and while we were having dinner with them at my mum's yesterday, she decided we should have an impromptu sleepover too. Had lovely evening chatting with SIL and felt I made a bit more of a connection with DB too.

Hugs to all, esp Red & Albs. Albs, I've found the best way to diffuse a freakout with DD is to send her off give her space to calm down and then let her contact my mum or DH to compose her thoughts. Easier said than done when out&about obv, you have my sympathies there, it's so hard to focus when you feel you have to put on a show for an audience too.

For those wondering what life is like with two kids in the same room, please view my latest facebook video entitled Twisted Sisters. You can see first hand what happens while MOM is out of the room.

thanks ladies! LG and Dizz no need to fight plenty of luurve to go round!

Red hopefully things will have calmed down over the weekend and the other parents will have had time to reflect too. Please don't beat yourself up about it.

Albs hope you are feeling better too.

5 of DS toddler group have come down with hand foot and mouth and DS has hardly eaten anything over the weekend as I think his mouth may be sore which has meant he's been up at 4.30 the past 2 mornings hungry but when I give him something he won't eat it.

We had a pot luck dinner with all our new neighbours by the pool on Saturday night. DH and I did shifts until one of new neighbours 16 yo DD said she would sit and listen to the monitor if she could go watch a dvd at ours - we were only just outside (but just out of range of monitor) so she could shout for us if he woke up. Was a good arrangement - new neighbours quite an odd assortment but lots of wine drunk so an enjoyable evening. Not really helped by 4.30am though particularly as it was my turn to get up.

Morning

up at 6 with dd2

poor springboy, hope he feels better soon . will he eat yoghurt/ice cream/banana/smoothies?

off to check out ts's link

Morning ladies i'm here ...

so much to catch up on..

hugs albs + red...

dizzy you are def having a baby tis not wind ..

glad you have stopped contracting oops and at dd doing a wee i potty..

crispy sorry about no lottery win but at new name..

hope ds doesn't have foot and mouth spring..

loved all the names mrs miamla but still loving pea!!

qod hope your morning sickness is not too bad..

watcha poppy/lg/hots/cece everyone else..

well got the red dress from next and its didn't cover my bum .. dd1 kept shouting "your bum is showing mummy".. so i guess i am back to the black dress..

went out with dh and proceeded to get very drunk on wino whilst i poured my heart out about our troubles .. que massive hangover and fit for nothing on sat with two hyper active children.. he did listen and try to explai where he was coming from..

however yesterday had a party for dds to go to and we went to notts to see his gran/mum.. dd2 refused to sleep in the car and was a complete nightmare.. i was very calm about it but he completely lost the plot with both of them.. his mum even said to me "he doesn't cope very well with the girls does he?".. he asked about getting up with the girls this am but twas me who was up at 6.15.. ..

so all i got out of our chat was a massive headache!!!

Morning all, not raining so heading out once I drag dh out of bed!!

LOTI glad you got to speak to DH, but sounds like some new 'ground rules' need to actually be written down and agreed of he is already slipping. Please do try and get something concrete out of him re his input into the girls and giving you some time for R&R

Enjoy your dry few minutes day dizz

Can't get flashplayer to work on my tabletPC so will have to check out the TS vid when i make it downstairs

Have brought the laptop outside as we are breakfasting al fresco again but can't see a blimming thing due to sun on the screen, oh, apart from my rather crumpled face move the screen down a bit, that's better but can see the words even less now...

Anyway just sending especial love to red, sounds like you have had a grim time but I an tell from words on a screen how completely lovely you are so I'm sure everyone who actually knows you must think so too. Hopefully once the dust settles things will be OK again

I hope that made sense... love to the rest of you too, back soon when I can see

Morning all

DD awake in the night twice not sure why but settled after a few minutes of howling like a beaten child. I know there is nothing wrong except fury because I won't take her into ours but I am not starting something I don't want to continue once there is a baby in our room too. DH just brings her in as he can't bear the sound of his precious crying. She just doesn't get the idea as she does it twice a week, usually after DH has brought her in the night before, so he is really to blame!!

We are off to the Cotswold Wildlife Park today to try out our new membership.

Hi Loti, Hot and Crispy

Oh Joy - DD has developed a 'singing voice' it is very high pitched and squeaky and not necessarily in tune anymore.

Back inside as it's blardy freezing outside , oh yes it's May Day so of course it would be...

Loti I agree with Sazz, you really need to establish some proper rules with DH or you will never get anywhere

We need to bake some cupcakes for MIL as it is her birthday and DH forgot I doubt she will be surprised as he has already forgotten SIL's and nephew's not sure why I stopped reminding him about this stuff (old age proabably ) I make sure I remind him about mine though

Just nipped over to fb and now I am all that I live too far from the beach

LOL at DH not liking his own crying . And yes, he is to blame. For everything

Let me know when you are passing and you can pop in for a cuppa, although not sure which way you go. If 417 then less than 10 mins to us

Wotcha oops I hope you have fun with the animals!

Off into the kitchen...

ok girlies.. gor this funny rash appearing on my tmummy a little on arms and legs.. its little red bumps.. please don't tell me its poxy as have already had it twice and off on hols tom week meep meep

Sounds like heatrash LOTI, but i would be seriously surprised if your weather is anything like ours

New washing powder? New foods? Maybe take a pic and start a thread in health. Loads of people like a good diagnosis mystery . Hope it clears soon

thanks crispy def not heat rash.. starting to feel proper rubbish .. dh informed me that i cannot have the poxs or any other mysterious illness as he just couldn't cope ... will dose myself up and hope for the best... but if it gets any worse will post a gorgeous pics of red spots

Red, my biggest sympathies.

We are meant to be getting ready to go to farm so not much time for detail BUT just to say

1. You are a lovely, lovely mum and a lovely, lovely person and I would not start thinking about changing your approach etc because I think your approach to all your children is loving, concerned, responsible and fun.

1. On the lying thing - of course lies are wrong but it can happen to children that they tell a quick lie to get out of a situation / make themselves feel better about something, and it spirals, and even when given the opportunity to revoke the lie it still seems easier to continue when you see a bomb barrelling towards you either way. We had an instance of this about a year ago and it reminded me of something that happened when I was a child myself. My parents were out and I was wrestling with my brother on his top bunk. I can't remember what exactly happened but he got a bloody nose for which I was responsible - I thought my parents would come home and clobber me for it (not literally!) so I ran and hid under some cushions. They came home, couldn't find me, my brother explained what had happened and they thought I had run away. It got to the point where my father was on the phone to the police in the same room that I was hiding under cushions - but it was easier to let things take their natural course than to reveal myself and admit to what had happened - it was going to be a nightmare either way.

Sorry that is not very interesting - just by way of illustration of how a lie can get out of hand and it becomes terrifying to change it. At your ds's age, even though he is a sensitive & compassionate chap, it's probably still really difficult for him to imagine future things, spontaneously, from someone else's point of view - in that he was unlikely to think, oh no, mum's going to phone the other mum and end up really embarrassed. We are all the heroes of our own screenplay in that sense, particularly in a time of crisis.

I know we have chatted about the developing boys before - I have had a very bad week of arguing, eye-rolling (him), fury (me), misunderstanding (both), over-reaction (both), slavedriving (me, according to him), criticising (me, according to him), lack of co-operation (him, according to me) and lack of motivation (him, according to me). And now he is spending the week with his dad so I don't get to play out my plans for being a perfect, loving, forebearing, funloving, understanding mum . So you have my deepest sympathies - the tremors of this incident will not be lost on your sensitive little fellow, I'm sure he's quite aware now of the consequences - but like all of us he will probably panic, or feel hard done by, which will lead him to make similar errors of judgment in the future - maybe the memory of this one might bring him up short next time.

Agree re. Gerry Ryan, I was stunned - who wasn't? - extraordinary to think that voice, so permanently available, so reliably stirring, is gone for good. A dreadful loss to Irish radio and the meedja world generally.

LOTI - you poured your heart out - how did he react?

Sorry all others - wanted to reply to Red & am stuck for time. Sunny here (miracle) so off to farm / picnic etc while the going's good.