June 08- the shoes, the food, the glamour!

[pureeandpearls]

Struggling to load pages these days and saw we were over the 900 so took the liberty of starting a new thread.

sorry to sound so negative - just my personal experience

I agree allnew, what puts me off is how I would cope with a damaged child, which by definition, they usually are

Been offline for a couple of days and the thread has suddenly gone mad!

ABDN good look for the op today, hope everything goes well.

I need to go and look at Neenz'z vouchers thread but am unclear at the 2 year olds are going to get, is it the same pre-school entitlement that kids currently get the terms after their third birthday paid for by the state? If so I do think that this is a good idea. I'm not saying they should penalise working mums to get it (before Neenz tells me off!) but some people do get a raw deal on the cut off for three year olds. My dd is an Oct. birth and had three terms at pre-school with two paid for by her entitlement. A friend's little boy was a Jan. birth and only had one term paid for because two term intakes meant he started state nursery school in September. If all schools move to the one term intake the government is pushing for this means that kids like ours (3 in the summer term) won't get any free entitlement. How is that fair?

Anyway, enough of that. Debs hope the periods sort themselves out now the bfing has stopped. I haven't had my second period yet (several days late) but am assuming that this is because of the still bfeeding etc. Either that or dh and I really shouldn't have assumed his vascectomy was a success without waiting for the results...

very difficult neenz - generally you require the patience of a saint, and all your family too. It's not just bad tempers, but all kinds of other behaviours (I've seen fires started in the house, stealing, deliberate plans to destroy family events, sexual abuse of family members, the lot). These are clearly some of the worst type, but definitely not isolated. I guess the younger they are when they're fostered, the better. Some of courese will flourish, and I've seen these too (but only one or two)

Personally I'd like the childcare voucher scheme to be scrapped and instead the equivalent amount of cash being given to mothers to spend on childcare as they see fit, whether that is staying at home themselves, using nurseries/childminders, having family help with childcare or getting their WPC friends to do it. Of course this is from my point of view of not getting any benefit from the voucher scheme as I don't work.
But the other side of the coin is that there are a lot of people with no incentive to ever work because of the current benefit system. My uncles girlfriends daughter had her second child a few days ago, aged 17, she got pregnant with the first when she was 15. She left school with no qualifications and was given sheltered teenage mother accommadation, which she was chucked out of for bad behaviour, and now has her own flat. She has enough spare cash to have taken up smoking recently and she spends all of her time shopping for baby clothes. I'm torn between the fact that she essentially needs this help to bring up the children (Neenz's point about not plunging them into poverty) and the fact that, from what she has said, she had no intention of ever getting any qualifications or working and getting pregnant at 15 was her way out, essentially she knew she would be looked after.
I really don't know what the answer is, it all seems like a mess to me!

Sponge - I tend to vote Lib Dem as well, mainly because I can't bring myself to vote for any of the others!

Abdn - hope the op goes well today, will be thinking of you.

Better get down from my soapbox and get lunch ready, just found J sat on the kitchen floor with a load of pieces of parkin all over him which he had managed to get out of the container in the cupboard, happily munching away!

Really interesting discussion going on here! I won't join in because (a) I'm too busy being miserable about losing the childcare vouchers which I depend on (DH may be a high earner, yes, but he's self employed, which makes a big difference to everything; I'm a low earner.) (b) I don't vote for any of the English parties, as I vote nationalist. That makes me very left wing, although the party isn't as leftie as I would like these days. (c) What applies in England doesn't always apply in Wales too. Although this one probably will.
Funny one about the homes for teenage mothers, though. First, I thought 'what a great idea'. Then thinking a bit more...er, isn't this really dodgy? All very well putting them in sheltered accommodation, but then I started thinking...could this become hiding them away? Would there be an element of punishment? Would they be made to work? Say, like, taking in laundry - whoops, you have the Magdalene Laundries there! (Obviously, I'm being light hearted, but I'm against any kind of ghettoizing, which this could easily become.)

Sybil LOL at the trust in the vasectomy. Or maybe I shouldn't laugh... That would be an interesting court case!

UDC good to see you again! You're right, giving up bfing has changed my views on things. I'm not desperate to have another child just yet, but now I'm no longer ruling it out. (Previously, I did not want another, as you know!) I also think I'm enjoying my time with Iestyn more, but that could be more to do with his age and development though: we can actually do things now and he's good fun. And yes, he's walking!

Essie, we wouldn't have a leg to stand on. They make it quite clear that you should be very very careful until you get the all clear through. After sending off the samples though we got very blase about it and now I'm a bit late and actually wishing that a. we'd been a bit more careful, b. they'd send us the results so we'd know we were worrying over nothing.

I'm sure it will be fine. dd has made it very clear that she couldn't possibly look after another baby so fingers crossed that J actually will be the baby of the family!

The whole teenage pregnancy thing sounds a bit dodgy to me. If new mums need help wouldn't it be better to provide a system of trained healthcare professionals that could help all mums, whether teenage or older. They could call them, lets see, health visitors? Seriously though, getting help with further training/education for pregnant teenagers is a good idea, but taking them away from family/community support and putting them into hothouses of teenage and post-natal hormones sounds worrying. Providing support groups is one thing, but I'm sure that's what this is.

but I'm NOT sure that's what this is. even.

I don't think that the teenage mother accommodation is a new thing though, this girl I know was in one, although it could have been a charity run thing, I'm not sure.
Sybil - I don't think the idea is taking them away from their families and support but providing this sort of accommodation instead of council flats.

Sybil - hope the test results come through soon!

I also think the teen mums idea could work - because they wouldn't be forced to live there, it would be an option. They could stay with their family or go to one of these homes, but a council flat of their own would not be a given. I think it could give them lots of good support.

The way to stop teen pregnancies (and youth crime and lots of society's ills) is education and investing in young people to make them think they are worth more than just becoming a single mum at 16. We have to give young people more belief in themselves. Give them something to do apart from hang around the streets and having unprotected sex. But all this costs money and govts are not keen cos it is long-term and the results are not quick enough and a future govt would probably benefit from any positive results.

Sybil, you are right that the pre-school system should be more equitable in terms of how many terms you get after age 3. But this can be done without the massive overhaul Labour are proposing. I agree with ktpie that the money should be used however each individual wants to use it. The voucher scheme is certainly not perfect because it is not universal and that can't be fair, so a change is needed - but not scrapping it altogether! Are you really scared about another PG? Oh no . I am sure the vasectomy op went fine.

Essie, how does your DH being self-employed make a difference? My DH is self-employed too.

Only got time for a quick post so to Aberdeen - I initially heard (wrongly) that they were scrapping childcare for high earners only but now I know they're scrapping it altogether. I'm pretty miffed - I think it'll hit hard working middle income families and think GB has lost his marbles. essie we won't lose it as it's being phased out over 5 years. I like free childcare for 2 year olds but don't think that 2 hours a day is particularly efficient way to allocate the resources.

And just for sponge - it's easy for the lib dems to say whatever they like as they'll never be in power to put it into practice

right, must go feed S!

Oh also meant to say I don't think a joint income of £60k when you have children is high. And if you google 'scrap childcare vouchers' neenz's thread comes up on the first page

ok, have been on my soap box way too much so I'll get off it now. I did some christmas shopping at the weekend [ducks]

V quick post to mark my spot - lol at BDQ, I know, that's what's so sad! Did you watch Mock the Week last week about the Libdems being unpatriotic cos they stole all the good policies and then Lab/Tories couldn't use them?!

I don't think a joint income of £60k would classify as 'rich' - but there are thousands of people who earn huge wages and pay virtually nothing in tax, they are the ones the govt should be going after (bankers anyone?!).

sybil, keeping fingers crossed for you that you get the right result .

Its ok, my monthly visitor arrived this afternoon to sighs of relief all round. Dh has also been spurred on to call about his results and it seems the op was successful. We need to wait for a letter to be 100% sure but the gp's receptionist had a look at the results and said that it had worked. [relief emoticon].

How's Bill sponge? Hope you are still keeping those feet up!

Phew Sybil!

On the childcare vouchers subject, am I right in thinking that your employer has to have opted in to the scheme? Another area in which the current system falls down. I think it needs reforming but the nursery places for 2 year olds is no replacement.

You are probably right about education being the way to go with teenage mothers, I think there can be a bit of a vicious circle where girls just copy what their mothers did and that needs to be broken.

BDQ - I have a master plan that I will make Christmas presents this year. I have a big box of lavender that I cut down a few weeks ago and have intentions of making some lavender pillow things, I found a nice pattern that isn't twee, and I found a recipe for lavender bath bombs so going to have a go at that. Lets just hope that everyone getting gifts from me likes lavender!

I do wonder what Labour are playing at, a lot of their policies seem to have lost the plot. What was that cut in VAT thing all about? Has made bugger all difference to me but I imagine it has cut down the governments income from VAT a fair bit.

Sybil - glad that your dd won't have to look after another baby, Stefan was just saying the other day how he doesn't get time to play any more what with school, homework and looking after Ethan!!!

I have had a bad day which started when I went onto the balcony to get mine and Ethan's shoes - one of each was missing - mine are new and Ethan's are his only shoes. I'm gutted , an it's all my fault, on of Tristan's disappeared the other day and we found it behind the house - must have been an animal, and they dropped it. I forgot to bring our shoes in after playing in the garden, result - the animal has now taken 2 more shoes. The boys were offered a reward and they searched everywhere(big garden with long grass and trees) and we can't find them anywhere I've found this story about a fox with a shoe fetish - I think that's what's happened here too!

BDQ - yes you should be hiding - it's still September

Abdn - thinking about you

Finding it difficult to keep up this week! Can we just assume that I've had a rant about the useless tax policies of this government? I would like to say that I think the health in pregnancy grant is a load of bolleaux, and the Child Trust Fund.

Abdn, hope Fraser and you are ok. Glad the NHS came up trumps in the end.

Well done to the walkers and talkers. We're not doing talking (still singing though!) here yet. And no nodding or shaking head either. B is getting quite good at letting us know what he wants - or doesn't.

Sorry for not keeping up, I'm done in. About to have a soak in the bath and then fall into bed - I seem to have established a 10pm bedtime!

Hi, we're finally home from the hospital. It all went okay but Fraser had a tough time waking up and threw up a couple times so they kept us in for longer. I'm off to bed now - absolutely tired!

(Just wanted to add that you can't scrap the voucher scheme and use the money in another way really because the money isn't there. It's a salary sacrifice scheme rather than something that pulls from a communal source. It's not ideal as you're not eligible if you're self employed (made a huge negative difference to us) but it can't just be replaced by giving all mothers or low income mothers a set amount of money.)

Abdn - so pleased it all went well, I found that time as Tristan came round from his op the most distressing.

Just popping in...

Abdn - Great to hear everything went well.

Keeping out of the labour policies, because sadly I agree that they are unlikely to get in again and secondly I don't watch the news anymore and it has made such a positive difference to my life. I'll read up on the policies before I vote and that's it.

I don't want to be too premature here, but when does potty training start? (Not that I'm in any rush!).

Hi guys, quick post again .

Deb, sorry to hear about the shoes - bloody foxes!

AH, so good to hear you and Fraser and are home safe and sound .

PP, potty training? A can of worms there! Anytime from now til about 3 years old really - possibly longer! Personally I'm not even thinking about it til next Summer!

PP - potty training - I tried with Stefan at 2.5 years and he would just sit on the floor (in a puddle) and cry"I don't want to be a big boy". I tried again at 3 and it only took a few days, Tristan was a little earlier but took longer to be dry at night.i will put a potty in the bathroom and get Ethan to sit on it before a bath and that's about it for at least another year I think.

Sponge - glad the rash was nothing serious - are you still resting ?

Still cross about the shoes but feel more relaxed after my 1st physio session for my knee(cherry picking injury from the summer)I was a bit disappointed it wasn't the male physio I had spoken to on the phone as he sounded very nice!!He's on holiday - shame

Abdn - Great news about the op.

Yes didn't really think they would give the cash instead of vouchers, for a start it would cost them too much!

Debs - nightmare about the shoes! That would really annoy me as well.

Whinegums - sounds like you are busy with work.

Penguin - I was wondering about potty training too, mainly after a discussion with a friend at the weekend, she was saying that she started sitting her two on pottys about now, just to get them used to it. If I'm going to do that sort of thing it would be a good idea to get into the habit before baby arrives.

ABDN great to hear you are back home and all is well.

Deb I would be furious about the shoes! Only having yourself to blame makes it worse too as you can't satisfy your annoyance with a good rant at someone. (Except the fox, who I'm thinking really doesn't care)

DS1 potty-trained just before he was three. We had tried before and he simply wasn't ready. He was dry day and night from day one though. DD was 2.6. She just decided to copy her big brother on the toilet one and that was that. I think it is a lot easier all round if you can wait until they give the signs they are ready. Otherwise, it is hard work and very stressful.

J doesn't talk much. He has 'Mama' and 'Dad-dad', 'yes' and 'this' but other than that we only get a very occasion 'hello' and an 'Osh' (Ds1's name, you have to put a J at the front!). He burbles away to himself constantly though so I think it will all come in its own time. He has obviously decided that learning to tiptoe has to take priority over talking. Given that he gets everything he wants by pointing and burbling I can understand that he doesn't really need talking right now.