December 2007 "The one where babies walk the walk... and talk the talk"

[Arcadie]

I'm sorry - I couldn't last out. Welcome to the new thread.

cazzy big hugs hun, hope tomorrow goes ok for you too x

spiral sounds like I should be heading to the library to pick up ds1 and 2's books, we only got the first one at 8 months, wonder if I can get ds1's 18 month pack now along with his 3yr one?

beckle we're all doing ok, Bear is such a cutie and very chilled out so far compared to the other 2, my homones must be all over the place though as having up and down days, today has been a bad day and I can't really put my finger on why, I still feel pretty bruised from the birth - which is my only complaint as it was straight forward - thats a bit draining and I think I'm still getting used to the idea of being a mum to 3 boys, I couldn't find anything blue to put him in today after ds2 split his water over the only clean outfit (Bear is a sicky baby) and it made me cry think I'm just getting fed up of the 'what did you have?' followed by 'I guess you were hoping for a girl' comments I want him to be head to toe in blue and not the unisex new born stuff! I think people assume he has a blue blanket over him because I have 2 boys and he might be a girl... thing is a did want a girl somewhere in the mix so its difficult to know what to say because I wouldn't swap him for the world but don't want to say 'yes actually I was hoping for a girl' because thats not fair on Bear - I need a suitable response!

hi to everyone else - I've only skim read it all I'm afraid but hope you're all doing ok

oh insy I can so remember that up and down feeling of the first few days. Unbelievably happy one minute and weeping the next! I think it sounds like you are coming to terms with not having the girl you dreamt of and that in no way means that Bear isn't everything you ever hoped for, but that doesn;t mean there isn't part of your mourning the little girl you wished for. Nothing wrong with that at all, not at all. And of course, as you say your hormones are all over the place. Are DS1 and DS still being lovely to their baby brother? It must be so sweet watching them all together. Hugs xxx

cazzy - you sound so together. I am so impressed with how well you seem to have coped with this. Hope going back to work is OK xx

not sure about togther but coping...

had my mother here today and I haven't told her! I didn;t even tell her I was pregnant - was going to tell her today. She asked me if everything was OK as my aunt had read my facebook update and phoned her to see if I was ill. Then she kept going on babies and asking how work was today and then I was terrified the girls would say something - lies are very hard to keep up!

And then my friend is coming over to stay this w/e - great but she is expecting! Anyway...it will all be fine

And (whilst I am moaning - don't worry if you don't want to read this far) my friend from work emailed me to tell me how much my class have loved their supply teacher - AHHHHHHH

Oh cazzy, so so hard for you. Don't feel like you "have" to cope. You're entitled to feel really sad. Is there some way you can let your Mum know without having to actually tell it to her face? Maybe via someone else or even an email? You need all the support you can get!

Great news re BUPA Suey and glad to see you back here posting. Nice to see you too Dundee!

Wow Bear sounds soo cuddly and lovely Insy. Completely natural to feel a bit disappointed. I think we all secretly have preferences. Do you think you could just say "a girl would have been lovely but my 3 boys are going to be such great mates" or something like that?

DD woke up extremely grumpy today. Puffy eyes too so I think she's a bit sinus-y. Finally managed to get some pamol (she hates taking meds) into her and she fell asleep again on the sofa!

Cazzy - really, really sorry. Echo what others have said - you don't have to "cope", it's not something you just get over in a day or two. Take it easy on yourself. x

Logging on from St Lucia. It's very beautiful here. Saw a lovely house today but have some others to see before we make a final decision. Seeing the school we are hoping dd1 (and dd2) will go to tomorrow.

Clairey - you think 4.20am is early? try 1.30am, which is the time my two woke up for the day on our first morning here! Admittedly we were all jet lagged so not too knackered but it was very boring waiting five hours for the sun to come up and six until breakfast time!

Eek Clara don't! It was 3.20 this morning so at this rate 1.30 is only 2 days away I did manage to get him back down but then had been up so long I found it difficult to get back to sleep.

I hope you are going to put pics of St Lucia somewhere, it sounds lovely.

Cazzy that must have been so hard with your mum not knowing. Echo everyone else, allow yourself time to grieve.

Insy I once saw a thread where someone had come up with a lovely response to such questions...I can't remember what it was exactly so this will sound nothing like as lovely but it was something along the lines of you do think of the daughter that might have been but that Bear wasn't that daughter so you don't love him any less for not being a girl. That sounds shit but hopefully you or someone else will be able to rephrase it to make it sound good! (or you could try searching or start a new thread...)

Am child free for most of today!! In theory that means my house could be gleaming by this afternoon but we'll see...

(Skid did you see my fb message? Am going to the PO later in the week so let me know if you want any more sent)

And thanks Beckle

Insy perhaps you just have to point to Bear and say "How could I possibly want a girl when I've got Bear?"

DD decided she had to take both her favourite cuddly toy and a bowl of orange segments to nursery today AND carry both herself. Managed to get all safely to the car and out and into nursery without spillages. Then stuffed some into her mouth (think hamster) and clutched the rest and gave me the bowl back. The staff at nursery were laughing and asking her if she didn't like their food . The manager was saying that DD always makes her chuckle as she is so determined to be independent. (Takes after her mother!)

clara what takes you to St Lucia?

cazzy how are you doing?

spiralqueen - think toddlers and hamsters have quite a lot in common when it comes to food storage!

wow clara - can't believe you're in St. Lucia!! Is it just a quick house-finding mission or are you there for a while? I bet it is a different kettle of fish from your last posting! Do you feel like you will all settle there easily? Sun, sea, beautiful scenery.... doesn't sounds like it would be too much of a chore...

buzzy - poor DD hope she's feeling better

Think my morning sickness is starting and I also think I am starting to show - how can this be? I am barely 6 weeks pg!!! DD keeps asking me if I've got a baby in my tummy so I must be showing! How on earth am I going to keep this a secret until 12 weeks??

(clairey - sorry just got your message - see my reply)

Skid, I was going to warn you that I didn't even know I was pregnant with either of mine til I was 6 or 7 weeks and only then cos I started puking but didn't want to ruin your sick free moments! Hope it isn't too bad...(mine was far worse with dd).

spiralqueen, she sounds very funny.

I sliced my finger yesterday and had to go to a&e, dh was being SO embarassing in the waiting room, all aren't my kids clever, getting them to say hello and bye to everyone,'shake her hand' getting dd to dance when music came on tv... -they only came in to see how busy it was but were there ages while he performed. Everyone else must have just been thinking f*$% off you idiot. I don't get why he was doing it???

Clairey Doting dads - don't you just love them DH does exactly the same thing regardless of whether DD is in a performing mode or not. How is the finger? It must have been really painful.

DD threw major strop last night when I picked her up from nursery and it took me 20 minutes to get her safely in the car seat. Nursery has a little garden at the front of the building with a number of concrete bears in it which have become an essential visit before we can get into the car. Last night she just didn't want to be parted from them. Have been daydreaming about paying some local yobs to remove all trace of the garden [wicked but desperate emoticon]

It's wierd isn't it SQ, I know he is just proud of his dc and wants everyone to see how cute they are but they are cute when they are being themselves-when he makes them perform it's just annoying!

Don't know what to suggest for your dd, other than it will get easier when she's old enough to be bribed reasoned with.

Hullo lovely ladies. Have parents here so cannot type long and send nice messages to people but it's lovely to hear the nice news and to hear of strops etc. Essentially this shall be a me me me post....

Am off on holiday on Sat to Northumberland camping. Bit scared of 4am wakings as tent not great for soundproofing as you lull your chillun back to sleep.

And.... eeep. Seriously considering ttc for a 3rd. Those of you with three DC ... am I being ridiculous?

do it arcadie, do it!! Come and join me with the extremem exhaustion and overwhelming waves of nausea - 'tis great

clairey - how awful for you. I would be mortified if DH did that. As SQ said it is lovely that he is so proud of his DC but they are not performing seals!! Have you asked him why he does it? Is it a cultural thing - i.e. the norm in Botswana? I know that when I was little we used to go and visit my dad's family in india and I used to have to stand there while relatives looked in my ears, examined my teeth etc! My mum was disgusted but it was just what you did with children there...

spiralqueen - DD used to be is just like that - I like to tell myself it is a sign of high intelligence, determination and passion

arcadie - have a great hol - we are also going camping soon but have been assured by many other parents that children sleep much better in tents than at home - we will see...

Poor DD has a nasty cold and cough - I guess she was coming down with it on Tuesday already. Making it tough for her to sleep. Even got called by creche at 4pm today to say they didn't think she was coping well - by then almost hometime anyway luckily.
Am very much hoping she'll be a bit better by Sunday as have invited loads of people over for a half-birthday party for her given she didn't have a first birthday on 30 Dec. I guess that's the risk with having a party this time of year. Everyone I know seems to have a cold at the moment though so at least visitors can't complain we're passing viruses around inviting them over.

Arcadie I seriously think I would consider a third if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a single Mum nearing 40!

I was interviewed today by the Mayor of Wellington for a position on the Board of Trustees for Wellington Zoo! Fingers crossed they'll appoint me - should be fun! It will be extra responsibilities on top of my regular job and co-ownership of our creche responsibilities so I'm probably mad but I do love a challenge

Skid I was mortified! I was hanging my head in shame and kept saying "just go, just go". I think it is an anti cultural thing iyswim-in Bots dads don't traditionally have a lot to do with their kids so i think he is proving that he is the opposite. Have said something in the past and he didn't think he was doing anything wrong or embarrassing

Arcadie do it do it! You know I would if I was "allowed" so obviously I think everyone should if they have the chance

DS is starting to become such a delight (apart from breaking everything in the house, hitting us if he doesn't get his own way and having it in for one of the babies at toddlers )so I am hopeful dh will eventually change his mind. Although he won't if ds doesn't start sleeping a bit later in the mornings-extreme tiredness is not conducive to either the thinking fondly of babies nor the making of them IME.

Fingers crossed for you Buzzy, and hope dd feels better soon

wow buzzy - fingers crossed for you! And hope DD feels better for Sunday

clairey - really think he will change his mind. He is obviously extremely proud of them and as they become easier to look after and the memory of nighttime screaming begins to fade, I'm sure he will soften a little. You have many childbearing years left in you (unlike the likes of an old codger like me) so even if it takes him a few years I reckon you will squeeze at least one more out of him

PS How is your finger? I'd say you're on first name terms with the staff at A&E by now

Bless your hearts. Thanks for the lovely encouraging replies. I was coming on today to post... "sorry that I got cut off half way through my post. I'd just finished the sentence I was writing when Dad said - are you nearly done blah blah blah and started walking over. Quickly hit send and logged off"

Obviously 3 kids isn't ridiculous - My mum had 3. DH's parents had 4 (2DDs then twins on their last go... .eeeeeekkk!!!!) But I wonder if I'm being daft . We have a lovely perfectly sized house and car which fit the kids and will do until they leave home. We have one of each. They play nicely ( sometimes ) I'm getting unbroken sleep almost every night. I can have conversations with people during the day about other things than nappies. I've always said I never want to have more than 2 and that I wouldn't go back to the first 6 months again because of the tiredness etc.

So why do I want more? I just have this sense that maybe life is too perfect and maybe i should have a little more discomfort and not just put myself first. I've seen some lovely families recently with 3 kids and they just play like a tribe and it's so lovely. Is that reality or just a snap shot of someone else's ( probably manic) existence?

The other fly in the ointment is that my sister gets married end of Jan and I'm bridesmaid. Dress sized 14 has already been bought. I've had another look at it today and it really couldn't be altered. So I couldn#'t be very pg at her wedding and still fit. But then if I'm going to do it I want as small a gap between DD and no 3....... Aaaaargghh.

On paper (computer screen)it looks like a no brainer - don't have any more. So why is my head planning baby names and wondering when I'm ovulating!?

gulp arcadie - your description of your current perfect family with 2DC is pretty much identical to mine and I also have had that feeling of, everything is so lovely why throw a spanner in the works? But the reason we did was that we both had a feeling that we wanted another and the feeling wouldn't go away. We were both worried we would regret not having a third but pretty sure we would never regret having one.

If you want another, have another, simple as that. The whole sister's wedding thing will pale into insignificance when you have a baby growing inside you! Obviously you need to let the idea sink in and discuss it but if you still feel the same in a month or two I would go for it.

P.S. If you having these thoughts you are almost certainly ovulating as we speak

Skid I know you old codger, not sure about having another when ds is at secondary school though! Ooh now there's an idea, I'd have to have 2 more so the baby wasn't all alone

Finger is ok thanks, saw the nurse today and it's healing nicely and I have a less ridiculous sized dressing on it now. We have been to a&e quite a lot recently haven't we

Arcadie lol at you thinking of having another to make life hard for yourself!

DD slept a bit better last night thankfully so fingers crossed for another good night tonight. She's not herself its true but she's not so poorly either so hopefully she can enjoy all the attention. Of course DD1 is delighted by the idea of a party, particularly as have invited some friends who I made through her time at creche so they have kids her age!

I'll let you know about the Zoo Board thing on Monday - the decision has to be ratified by the Wellington City Council but its sounding quite positive.

I second what Skid says Arcadie, its hard to see how you'd regret having another no matter how good life seems right now, once he/she is here you'll find it hard to imagine life without him/her.

I would like to put in a little word for the benefits of a biggish gap though. My DDs are nearly 6 years apart and I think its fab that way. If I had my way again I'd probably say 4 would be ideal. DD2 is just now getting old enough to actually play with DD1 but even in the first 18 months DD1's got such a lot out of just having her around.

Cazzy, I am very sad to read your news and wish you all the best on coping with this.

Blardy Hell Insy - I can't believe you've had your baby, have I been away for that long? CONGRATS!!

And congratulations to Skid, what great news.

It's our last night in St Lucia, have had a great but very busy time. Registered the girls at the Montessori school here, dd1 will start 5 mornings a week pre-primary and dd2 probably 2 or 3 mornings a week in toddlers in September. Which means - I'll have some time to myself for the first time in years! Hurrah! The school looks fab, although am still terrified about leaving dd2 there as have not really left her before. Also I think she will always be getting into trouble - she is getting naughtier and naughtier and now deliberately pinches her sister as she knows she shouldn't. I am already dreading being called in by her teachers because she has been hurting other children....

We've also found a fab house, I can't wait to move out here now! St Lucia really is beautiful, I wish you could all come and see it with us. I'll try and post some pics when I get a chance, probably on facebook.