March 08:Happy Birthday!!! We made it through a whole year!

[turtle23]

new thread.

hey Jfly, with dd i went cold tukey bfing wise as i was pg, took three days and she had totally forgotten about it......with ds however (must be a boy thing) i already gave up night feeds then stopped cold turkey again and after 3 days he was fine with a cup but would still lung for my breasts if he saw them, shove his hands down my top in hope, after two weeks he had forgotten

I put him in his cot with a sippy cup with a soft spout of COLD cows milk now and he is happy with that, dd however neede warm cow milk

So if/when you do decide to give up find some time to do so, and gets lots of his fave food in so he isnt hungry (and hope to God no teeth start coming through)

Thanks guys.

LD, how did you deal with the crying? That's the thing that gets me. I just give in b/c I'm exhausted and just want to get back to sleep. It's really difficult to be a hard ass in the middle of the night!

Only very occasionally will he take a cup/bottle at night and that's usually from DH. But DH won't get up in the night with him unless I really beg him. I will have to keep emphasising how much I need his help. G is one stubborn little man! Funny, he doesn't ever want BF other than at night and first thing in the am. During the day, he loves his milk or water from a cup.

MUST. KEEP. TRYING.

JFLY, couldn't not post to say hello. I gave up BFing at 6 months so can't help on that but I have a very strong willed little boy - the slapping, the biting, the shaking of head, the winging and crying if he doens't get what he wants....so i'm totally sympathetic. I'm not a crying person but fully broke down a week or two ago when I just simply didn't know what to do having tried everything. So here's what's working for me just now - tough as it may seem. Properly naughty stuff that hurts me....when it's defiant as opposed to a hug that goes wrong (you know what I mean). I take him to the corner of the room and face him to a blank wall and sit him down and then hold him there for 30 seconds or so. It's effectively a naughty step but I have to hold him there which is horrid BUT it gives me a chance to calm down and breath and at the moment when he returns he is much calmer and importantly doesn't laugh in my face as he did when I said no. I'm sure this isn't the solution all would opt for but I'm feeling your pain. Now this may not work with the BFing problem but possibly a solution to try? Good luck my dear really hope you're ok.

Thanks, evie, that's very sweet. I'm fine, I think I just had a bad time of it. He didn't wake up last night at all! But he was probably exhausted after a birthday party. All this walking takes it out of him!

Someone on another thread gave me a link to Jay Gordon's site with a method for night weaning, so I'm going to start doing that and see how it goes. I do much better with a Plan of Action. Otherwise I just moan about not knowing what to do. See MN for details!

Another friend said she'd started doing the naughty step and that her 16-month DD now understands and stays put for a minute or two. I think G would probably look at me and wander off, but the holding him there would probably work. Right now, I just put him down if he hits or whatever but I need to be more consistent I guess.

Might I suggest a weekend away at a friends and leaving G with your DH for a couple of nights? I didn't bf exclusively but DD fed morning and night until the week before I went back to work when I really needed it to stop. My solution? A long weekend in Ibiza! It's not for everyone but it worked for us.

DD is also a nightmare for tantrums at the moment, we do ignore, crouching and saying no whilst shaking my head if she is doing something naughty and for the super tantrums we go and sit in the hall (or other quiet place when at home) for a little chat and a cuddle which seems to diffuse things. It's incredibly exhausting at the moment, especially when I am dealing with it on my own!

DD much better now, fairly sure it was GM as rash developed as it should and she had a bit of conjuctivitis for the past couple of days. She has been feeling much better today though although has been an absolute DEMON to get to sleep these past few nights. Really hope that passes with the illness!

Can't believe you are 32 weeks evie that has absolutely flown by! Easy for me to say! Hope you haven't been to uncomfortable in the last week or so. I was thinking the other day that I couldn't bear to be heavily preggers in this sweltering heat. You absolutely must let us know when the LO arrives, do you know what flavour it is?

hi evie!

jfly, i think when they start to tantrum you do actually need to contain it. gg hasn't yet, but ds1 did a lot. i tried so hard with distraction and giving in where possible and repeating the no's etc. then i really thought about how he seemed and how i feel when frustrated. powerless, rising to violently angry because i have no control. i'm an adult so that (usually) lasts only a second before rationalise/cope/move on. but ds1 couldn't. he was just feeling violently out of control. so when he really lost it i would contain him like evie describes, but in my case i would sometimes hold him quite close and wrap his limbs in so he couldn't lamp me, or edge him to corner of bed or room of whatever.

i'd just tell him it was ok, calm down, ok calm down, ok calm down. never spoke about what kicked it off. just kept saying, hush, poor you, it's ok. i'd have to send my head and feelings away iykwim and just give him the control he seemed to need so badly. the first break in the fury i would start to say good good, calming down well done, well done. stroke him and start to free him up as much as possible. i think i had to do this about 2 dozen times over about 3 months until he understood it was possible to calm himself down.

i think its really cool to show them how to calm down and you love them as you do it. I even ended up enjoying tantrums weirdly as they are powerful times to teach. Not leave them to figure it out themselves too much - that takes bloody years or never happens (thinking of 1 'adult' friend of mine).

god i got my waffle on there. sorry

thank you all for your nice hellos - it's nice to be welcomed back after so long away! I've never got into posting on the ante natal thread for september but am always drawn back to this one if I have a chance to be on MN! Ewe - will certainly let you know but no idea of the flavour, am guessing another boy but only because that's all I know if you know what i mean! Have been fine in the heat actually -and just grateful not to have tiny new borns with all the post birth stuff going on which I think would be much harder in this heat! Perhaps it's always a case of knowing someone else's situation is harder than ones own...now unlike how good it is to know others are dealing with stong willed children - hard work but equally I tell myself it gives them character and it for why we love them so much! My DS is off to creche this morning for the first time - I figure a morning of being able to do chores or coo at the new baby without him (when it arrives) will be nice so thought I'd try get him into it. I think he'll love it - all those other children to push about the place and no awful mummy to ruin his fun!
happy day to all and sorry for the long post - verbal diahorrea after all these months away.

Hello all,
DD's trying to have tantrums but seems to lack the requisite focus- she'll give one loud cry and then go, 'ooh cushion' or somesuch. What I find hard to deal with is her ability to suss out what is allowed and what isn't in any new situation in about 30 secs and than spend the rest of the time trying to do the forbidden. Yesterday we took her to my niece's confirmation service- 2hrs in a church! It was a very child friendly church with a play area and a big space at the back for children to run around in but all she wanted to do was elbow the guy with the funny hat and take his place on the pulpit. . And when thwarted she (accidently I think in a quick flail) gave me the most humungous scratch on the face. At the party afterwards she fell over on the patio so had a big bruise on her forehead, we came home looking like we'd been in a catfight!
It's my birthday today, and DS is very excited. With the connivance of his father he bought me a birthday card with a giant badge saying 'top mum' and insisted I wear it. So far so cute except I've just come back from the Co-op and realised I was still wearing the bloody thing. With no DS in sight. I look like the worst kind of self-propagandist. . DS has his first taster session at school this afternoon. I hope it goes OK. Because we didn't move him from his old nursery to the village one when we moved he seems to be the only kid who doesn't know anyone. I'm sure he'll be fine....
Off to make my birthday cake (according to DS I must have cake, but no one else volunteered to make the thing).

happy birthday pantshavenames, may your cake taste as cakey as you could wish

hullo all

Been shamelessly lurking but been nodding along in agreement to tantrums/night weaning ishoos.

dd hasn't managed a full blown tantrum yet but I'm bracing myself for its eventual arrival. I try to use diversion tactics when she does begin to have a strop, usually holding her gently while trying to speak soothingly acknowledging the reason she is upset ('I know you would really like to take that little girl's toy bunny and run away but...(?)') followed by usage of highly recognized words like 'oh, did you just see that CAT run by?' or 'was that an AIRPLANE I just heard?' stops her pretty quick and puts a pause in her tantrum momentum.

Maybe we'll have to up the vocab anti as she gets older saying things like 'is that a PHENOMENOLOGICALLY TRANSPARENT SURFACE over there?' when she's twelve.

would have liked to meet up with you all but my mom was over on a very rare visit from the US.

jfly- have to say we stopped the night feeding by going cold turkey as well, two nights and everything was fine. Still breastfeeding during the day though with no real plans to stop soon.

Hola, all my lovely ladies. Thanks for delurking to lend support!

Last night was a killer - G didn't go to sleep until 11pm. DH was distinctly unhelpful, saying he couldn't take the crying and there was no point in trying to put G to bed. After the first three times of trying not to let him stay on the boob all night, I caved and let him feed (this is after the initial bedtime feed). Even that didn't help, so G ended up downstairs with us until we went to bed. Fun stuff! Needless to say he's been a terror today.

Merry, I have been trying something similar to your tantrum tamer. I think I should now just focus on the calming words rather than the "I know you're frustrated, it's hard when you can't do XYZ". And I really need to restrain him better as he is such a flail-er. But I must say it's EXTRA fun in the middle of the night.

I like your distraction technique, crash! We usually do a round in the garden to try and re-focus. Or I just strap him in the pushchair and off we go for a walk! Fresh air is good.

Ewe, I love your weekend away idea, but DH wouldn't even agree to taking care of G overnight. I think I'm really on my own for this one.

Onward and upward!

Sorry to be so mememe...but think pink for me...scan tomorrow!

jfly, dh, hmm, hey? well he may have got away with a bit of extra tiredness, but he's losing out on the bond that comes from being so close to your kids they can turn to you like a rock. lob that one at him when you really think he deserves it.

TURTLE

JFly, how was last night? Any better? I don't know if I have anything helpful to suggest really. How consistent is his bedtime routine? I stick to ours religiously, and (typing this obviously means that it is all going to go to shite now) Ff is pretty good at bedtimes.

If you can't get away for a weekend, what about a night out? Leave G with his daddy, and make sure you drink enough that you CAN'T feed in the night (it's a tough job, but good fun trying!)and will sleep through the protests. Bloke is also pretty difficult to convince to help at night (when he's here, obviously).

Ff is starting to walk on her own now, although doesn't seem terribly convinced that it is the best way to be getting about. Crawling is still much more efficient.

Bloke back next Wednesday, all things going well. I was hoping she'd hold out til then with the walking, but he'll still be thrilled to see her do it. It'll be the first time for him, if not for her.

Dontpanic How good was Torchwood last night?! I have decided that I am, despite all efforts not to be, a complete geek, so am embracing rather than fighting it. I am hoping that a week of exposure to Captain Jack will do the same job as the week of exposure to Simon Cowell did, woth far more pleasant results.

Hi lurkers. Nice to hear from some of you.

March husbands/partners need to attend daddy boot camp I think. Very surprised at how many don't/won't do overnight help and overnighters by themselves!

Ff you must be SO excited to have him back, is he back indefinitely or for a fixed period?

turtle, what time is the scan? Report back ASAP please!

I'm back...and it's a boy.

Congrats turtle! Two little boys is going to keep you busy, good that they'll be able to fight amuse each other when a bit bigger

i came on specially to see what your getting, congratulations xx

Hi to everyone, i will at some point do the mother of all catch ups but with 3 kids and a puppy i never have time

boys are brilliant

Turtle, hope you're happy with the flavour being a little bluer than anticipated, saves you buying loads of new clothes unless you've already donated them! Must say, after having 1 boy, I don't think I'd know what to do with a pink 'un, don't think you'd truly experience tantrums until you had a little girl around.

Ff, very much enjoying Torchwood & its Weshieness, saw perhaps a little more Jack than anticipated Keep wondering how Kai Owen's missus is getting on with her pregnancy, he told us it was very early days back in Feb, and he was all soppy over E

Am hopefully going to be an auntie at 3rd time lucky, SIL due to officially tell us at weekend though we'd already guessed

ps, how much drool is it possible for one infant to produce? Teething doesn't seem to be causing him to cry at the moment, but his tshirt & trous were soaked yesterday where all the dribble had run down his hand & arm.
Love Ashton & Parsons powders, ...best... invention... ever.

Tis fine that he is a he. Nice for P to have a partner in crime. Besides, means that I can do this all again in 16 months time!!!

Turtle, congrats on another boy! I'm sure they will be very happy together terrorising their Mum. I sort of think like you, Dontpanic. What would I do with a girl? Oh, yes, spend lots of money on clothes!!

I'm hanging up my Mum badge and I'm off to join the circus. I'm bored of talking about it now (and so are you, no?) but this week just gets worse. I'm not sure I'm crying more than G, but it's a tight race. I really wish I could get a break, but it's not feasible with DH going away for 5 days on Friday. OH, and he's going out for drinks tomorrow night as well.

So, must try to plan lots of things to do for the weekend. How about a spa break for Mum and baby boot camp for G? Do they have that???? If not, I'm thinking there's a gap in the market!

Spugs, good to see you! Hope you catch up with us soon.

FF - you must be so excited that you're bloke is coming home! I can't believe you've coped this long with everything. Well done you!

Congratulations Turtle! At least with 2 boys you can buy much more expensive toys and clothes on the premise that it's really only half price if it's going to be used twice (at least that's what I would do which is apparently why I'm not in charge of the savings in our house .)
JFly, I hope tonight goes better for you.

i'm loving your idea of monkey-based childcare JFly. All power to your metaphorical elbow. I'm sorry we're so busy or I'd say come and hang around our zoo. We're off to my ILs for continued b'day celebrations and then....DRUMROLL...

my best friend is back from her year's sabbatical in south america and i'll see her on sunday. i don't often feel completely overjoyed, but it really sums up how i feel at the prospect. you couldn't squeeze one ounce more joy into me if you gave me free 24/7 monkey-based childcare!