if you could have had parenting classes before your babies were born, What would you have liked to have been told?

[liahgen]

Am thinking of offering a one off parenting session for first timers as part of my doula services, but am wondering what kind of things you would have found useful to know.

tia

Oh I didn't know you were a doula Liahgen.
I would liked to have known that it dosen't really matter if you are still slobbing round in your pj's two weeks after the birth and that you don't have to try and be superwoman all the time nooone will think any less of you because you have pots in the sink.

Oh and BF hurts and takes time to get the hang of and you are not crap at it just because it is hardwork at first.

BF hurts is good. I was told it wouldn't hurt if I was doing it right. The gits.

And not to get hung up on conflicting theories and start to trust your own instincts.

Yes comewhine, so far i've been doing mostly births, but quite a few first time parents recently have said to me, I wish there was something a bit more specific to the early weeks.

Thanks for your input ladies, I appreciate it.

to take time to get to enjoy their baby.... those first few weeks are very precious and are over in the blink of an eye

also, would you be prepared to pay for a session such as this,? Would be practical stuff, like how to make up formula, change nappies, etc

Was thinking about doing it with say 3 couples for what 2/3 hour session?

That you will not get everything right straight away and that is OK - that you will grow in confidence as a mother.

That the first 6 weeks are tough so just don't worry about it and try to muddle through it as best you can - there is plenty of time for routines etc later (second what CWWM says about staying in pj's)

That some babies do not feed every 3/4 hours but more like every 1.5/2 hours.

Second the comments on breast feeding - it hurts - even if you do it right!

That it really does not matter what sort of labour you have - the important thing is babys safe arrival and your wellbeing.

No matter how excited/anxious/worried etc you feel during labour/just after labour - go to sleep while you still can!

Don't take baby books too seriously - have a look if you want out of interest but if your baby is not following the routine that they say - it doesnt matter. Babies will naturally figure out to go to sleep at night etc.

That it does get so much easier and that while babies are lovely they are not as rewarding as a toddler running upto you and throwing arms around you which you have to look forward to too!

I would say that EVERYONE has bad days when they shout too much etc - don't beat yourself up - learn from it and move on.

Also to try and see things from their point of view

Babies feeding every 2 hours is NORMAL, and sometimes each feed can be well over an hour.

For the first few weeks you and your DP need to 'survive' nothing more. Taking shifts to ensure each other get sleep is more sensible than putting the baby to bed at 6:30 and trying to have an evening.

Expect to sit on the sofa from 7pm-10:30 and do nothing but feed. Plan for it.

Set up feeding stations around the house, with a snack, a drink, the phone, tv remote and a book.

Don't get out of your pjs until at least day 14, that way you appear as a recovering patient and visitors will be more inclined to make you tea than expect you to make it for them.

Keep your birthing ball inflated, as you can jiggle your baby with your thights rather than your arms by sitting and bouncing, which is far easier.

If you want to check your newborn is still alive without waking them, gently blow on their face. Their eyelids will twitch.

Don't give them baths every day, but when you do, either bring them in wih you or wash them in the sink.

Learn how to co-sleep safely and ensure you set things up in case it happens by accident (even if not planned).

(sorry about this personal one) Learn how to make up formula safely so that if you refuse to feed your newborn, your dh doesn't go out in the middle of the night and feed your 5 day old follow-on milk with an unwashed, un-sterelised no.3 teat and bottle.

Information on no. of blankets, layers of clothing etc. that need to be worn.

To check baby's temp by feeling chest not hands.

To know where the fontenal is and what it should be like.

To be shown how to swaddle.

To be shown angle to hold bottles.

To be shown a variety of winding positions.

hth

loads of good stuffy from starlight.
I would have liked to have known that co-sleeping would NOT end up with me killing ds, and would actually have helped both our sleep !!

Tell them about mumsnet too .

That breastfeeding hurts is a good one but also that the after pains that go with them can feel just like contractions and make you bleed more, I had to change pads before I started breastfeeding. also move the pad you had on the matress in case your waters broke up the bed under your chest to stop leaking milk getting on matress.

How long baby blues should last for - it was 5 months before I got help with PND as I told myself it was 'normal' second time round I did some 'planning' of who I could call on in emergency/for coffee/where I could go on bad days - helped me realise how much support I had around

How to bottle feed and express - advice on breast pumps and when to use (a variety of ones to look at is also good)

Discussion on all the ways you could calm a screaming baby (winding and comforting) and that placing them in the cot, safe but crying while you make a cup of tea cry yourself and calm down is ok (and probably very normal)

Personally I don't second any comment about staying in your pjs all day that would have made me feel rubbish, dh and I had a routine that enabled me to get up in am before he went to work and get dressed and washed while he looked after ds, just 20 mins me time but it got the day off to a great start (obviously if had a rubbish night sleeping he did leave me in bed!) find something that works for you little changes could make a big difference

lower your house keeping standards!

dh made me a packed lunch and left in fridge for first few weeks so I would eat properly

That no matter how hard you try you can't butter toast with one hand

sky+/dvd's/hard disk recorder is invaluable for first few months as never got chance to watch program all way through in one sitting, with ds1 we borrowed complete set of 24

Have a change mat and small basket with wipes and nappies in downstairs as well to save you treking upstairs everytime you need to do nappy change, also lay out nappy change stuff for night time changes.

and most importantly trust your instincts and have confidence in your ability

I have no idea how much people would pay... how much do antenatal classes cost? I'd consider something around 50 pounds (leaflets to take away are also good)

that babies do sometimes cry for no reason at all or from tiredness and it's fine to leave them for a few minutes.

agree abt the breastfeeding, though I was told that one.

That not all babies do poo AFTER the feed so sometimes changing them before is a good idea.

That babies don't seem to cry so much when out and about. I don't personally buy this idea about spending a fortnight in PJs. I believe in getting out and about early rather than being stuck indoors with a screaming baby feeling like shite because can't even get away for a shower.

They are never too young for mother and toddler groups! Everyone else gets to play pasas the baby and you get to sit and drink coffee!

I would set up a whole bowl full of baby bottles that need washing, rinsing and sterilising....perhaps it would encourage more breast-feeding ....i hated doing the bottles, it was such a chore....loved breast-feeding, so much easier!!!