I know I'm the luckiest person in the world. I know that. And I'd never change it.
But can I just say- quietly, to people who might get it- I have absolutely no idea who I am anymore?
I came out of a job I loved, a social life I'd spent years building, a sense of myself I'd never really questioned... and walked straight into a world where my primary identity is Milk Machine, which I am doing. I am absolutely doing it. I am just also doing it while quietly wondering where the rest of me went.
Nobody warns you about the isolation. Not properly. They mention it, the way you mention traffic on a long drive, briefly, before moving on. They don't tell you it's the specific loneliness of being surrounded by people who love you, and still feeling like you've somehow become invisible, even to yourself.
I don't want my old life back. I just want to work out how to bring some of her - me - into this new one. And I genuinely don't know how to do that without it sounding like I'm ungrateful, or struggling, or not coping.
(For the record: I am coping. I think. My baby is fed and loved and doing that thing where they stare at ceiling fans like they contain the secrets of the universe.)
Has anyone found their way back to themselves? Or at least found a version they recognise? Would love to hear how.