Newborn doesnt seem settled on breastmilk

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Midwife isn't at all concerned as daughter is gaining weight and cant offer any advice. Daughter is now 21 days old and since day 3 has been what I assumed was cluster feeding, but it is constant, not just in the evening, or certain times of day, 24 hour periods, she spends more times of the breast than off it, I also have a 22 month old that I feel constant guilt at not been able to spend time with, her routine is all over the place because I have to try and put her down for a nap but before shes asleep the baby starts crying and I have to get up causing my toddler to follow me. She seems so much more content on formula, drinks a good amount and then goes to sleep afterwards, vs when I breastfeed wakes up as soon as I take her away from my breast, I cant even burp her before she crying after rooting. I know im producing milk as she falls asleep and delatches and has a mouthful of milk she spits out. Ive asked everyone i know for help and advice, my mum said some babies just don't get on with breastfeeding which i find hard to believe. Or people tell me it will get easier but I am struggling to stay afloat and need some normalcy for my toddler. Id anyone has any ideas or tips or insights i would much appreciate it.

Babies feed but then enjoy the comfort of sucking after the feed. When she seems to have finished active feeding you can take her off.
I beast fed twins but couldn’t manage to tandem feed them: I fed one and as soon as they finished I took the first baby off and fed the second. I didn’t have time to let them just suckle for comfort so had no choice but to take them off the boob asap!

Mine cluster fed like that too for weeks, it was exhausting. If you're confident the latch is ok, then she's sucking for comfort too (which is a good thing btw, she's extremely little and wants her mum). Formula is harder to digest and she's also probably guzzling down a bottle in a way she can't with the breast, so she probably gets a huge amount and then gets knocked out. She's then probably looking for that feeling again. I can't see how mixed feeding can go well in those early days, our lactation consultant advised no formula or bottles in the first 6 weeks. Your choice where you want to go with this. It doesn't sound that your baby isn't getting on with BF, it sounds like it's too much for you. Given you have such a small age gap between children, BF may not be manageable for you.

Cluster feeding is normal. I understand you feel torn in multiple directions.

Is there a 2nd parent who could be helping with things like bedtime routines or distracting the baby while you get in some quality time with the toddler?

It is so hard to manage when your bigger baby still needs you just as much as they did befor the new baby arrived. If you can get the hang of breastfeeding in the sling, that helped a lot. My youngest was pretty much raised as a baby kangaroo for the first year, she fed, slept and cuddled in the sling, while I ran round after the toddler.

Your baby sounds perfectly normal, but you're feeling the pressure because of your toddler. Does toddler attend nursery or anything?

My understanding is that breast milk is not the same as bottled milk. I think its okay to do both.

If your baby is gaining weight I’d be inclined to roll with it. Most likely things will settle down around 7 weeks. I had a baby like this (who actually had a lip tie) but I learnt to feed in a sling and it was a game changer because I had two other kids to deal with and a husband who was out of the house till 7pm.

But if you are worried, it is worth getting à Lacation consultation to check for lip tie or tongue tie.

My DS never settled on breast milk. As soon as I switched to bottle he slept through the night and was really easy to manage. I switched at 6 weeks. He was born very large...9 pounds and breast milk just never satisfied him.
Now an adult he is very slim and runs everyday so I dont think it harmed him. He still eats loads of food.

I think if you can muddle through the first 9 weeks you’ve cracked it. I know its a pain but it’s so worth it in the long run.i used to feed the baby and read to the toddler. When the toddler needs dinner, just put the baby down or in a sling. They sleep well in a sling.Remember that cluster feeding is building your supply, too.