Disappointment over relationship with MY mum now I'm a mum

[Gatecrashermum]

Mum and I are very close but there can be some tension.

I must have had unrealistic expectations but I was hoping having a baby would bring us closer together- i saw it happen with my sister (who has an even more tricky relationship with her).

However she's just disappointed me so many times. She booked to be away on holiday for the birth when I'd expressly said I wanted her nearby. She's been rather lax about visiting / spending time with the baby - i really have to go to her house. The first few months were very rough for both me and baby health wise and we didn't really get any support or help.

Worse - I had just hoped that things between us would ease a bit - we'd both have this little baby to bond over. But she's just not really very interested. When she does have him she complains copiously if he headbutts her or scratches her face.

I thought once I had a kid I'd look at my baby and realise how much I was loved BUT...I don't. I don't think I actually was loved this much by her. Isn't that a terrible assumption?

Not sure what I'm looking for from this post but don't really know how to talk about this in real life with anyone. Has anyone else felt the same?

So sorry you're going through this that all sounds very avoident/ disengaged of your mum.
I would say that ime and from observing motherhood doesn't fix relationships with your own mother, it highlights issues from our childhoods and also can alter relationship dynamics with our own mothers.

Maybe you can concentrate efforts on other more positive female relationships with your sister and others? It's not always helpful to dwell on trying to make nit great relationships turn into disney versions and end up disappointed. You can have a bounded relationship with your mum and you concentrate on your new family unit

Yes, I feel exactly the same and have grieved the relationship I thought we would have. I've accepted now that my parents aren't really interested in my children in the way I thought they would be and I don't expect anything from them. I still feel a bit jealous when I see other people with their mum though.