Maternity monotony

[StanleyR38]

So it’s a rainy Monday in February and I think I’m just fed up of life as a parent 4 months in. My whole day seems to revolve around wake cycles until DD goes to bed and the next day I have the pleasure of repeating it all over again, having done nothing in the day that differentiates it from the day before.

I don’t go to any baby groups or classes, live in a small village with no shops or facilities to walk to, but I do walk the dog twice a day on the limited routes I can get a dog and pram. I’m not lonely as I do prefer my own company and can’t do chit chat, but I think I’m just bored of the monotony!

Prior to being pregnant, I loved a project e.g replanting a flower bed, rearranging my office, nipping to a shop to buy something to help with said project, calling into a cafe etc. - wasn’t really someone who sat and chilled. Don’t seem to have big enough windows of free time to be doing anything like this anymore, and I don’t think ‘nipping’ is such a thing with a baby in tow - feel like there’s more planning and picking an appropriate point in her wake window involved.

There is a town a 5 minute drive away I could walk round, but moving DD in and out of the car for 5 minutes feels really disruptive, and without a ‘project’ on the go I wouldn’t want to mindlessly walk around the town window shopping. Plus paranoid about her crying on the go and not having anywhere to really settle her with the weather being cold/rainy. Bf out and about is a no as I just seem to always leak from the other side, so can be embarrassing.

Not sure what I’m looking for really, maybe just a vent?! Just seeing in this in black and white reads as if I’m just making excuses! But does anyone have any inspiration of what to do on maternity leave in winter?
On the odd sunny day we get a do feel more motivated to attempt a visit into town, so think it is kind of SAD related.

Yeah, this is why people go to baby classes etc.
Have a look to see if there are any playgroups or similar at local churches or village halls?

I’m on maternity leave and make sure we get out every day for exactly this reason, I’d go crazy otherwise! We do baby groups, we do dog walks, we do the food shop, we go for a wander round the shops, I’ve been to some of baby friendly cinema screenings, we go out for lunch/coffee, we go to garden centres, I joined a gym that lets you take baby so I do that, I run with baby, honestly without getting out every day I’d be bored. I’ve done this from day 1 really, baby will adapt and can sleep in pram/sling wherever you are. The breastfeeding issue I also had but just put pads in the other side so no obvious leaking etc.

Thanks for replying!

So there’s no magical mystery place I haven’t been privy to 😂

My partner has my car today while his is having work done, so think I feel extra hemmed in todays,! I have actually thought of two options I could start off with to build confidence. Suprising what a vent can do for clearing your mind! A Costa coffee at a motorway services - bigger cafe area,would feel less exposed, enough parking compared to in town, and then a walk at a local nature reserve I could drive to minus the dog while we get our bearings.

I hate when DD cries and I can’t seem to console her, but tbh I get that at home anyway, so a change of scene might be what I need.

Second @Mrsttcno1 on the baby friendly cinema screenings if you have one near you! Great way to be out and about without having to chit chat!

This time of year is a bit oppressive, especially if you’ve got a small baby OP.

Don’t worry about your baby crying in public, I promise you it sounds a million times louder to you than it does to other people and most people have been there, they understand. Also you may find your baby is happily distracted by the new scenery of coffee shops and strangers’ faces, so that she is less fussy.

It gets better as they get older and can do more interesting things (though baby cinema has a definite window of opportunity)!

Thanks all. I think I’ve got more motivation to go further out and about now after thinking it over. But we seem to have, hopefully temporarily, got caught in a trap of if DD had a bad 24 hours sleep wise, the next day is then spent catching up so lots of contact naps, and as I don’t want to disrupt her to get her in the car, I’m glued to the sofa. The next day, again don’t want to disrupt her to try and get sleep and naps more consistent… sigh.

Think we’ve been in a partial sleep regression, and teething seems to keep making an appearance, so it’s getting a bit frustrating now as the hours in the day fly by without me actually doing much other than trying to get her to sleep! Will keep persisting.

How do you find baby cinema? Do you get to hear the film with potentially multiple crying babies? Think I’m learning DD gets overstimulated quite easily so loud noises, big bright screen etc could lead me down the path of an overtired baby.

Gosh no wpnder you're going stir crazy, we went out every day. Parks, baby groups, cafes... I never planned things around naps, they slept in the pram/sling. I breastfed wherever we were. Feeeding in the sling is great - put thr hood over and no one even realises you're doing it. A sling will also open up loads more dog walks too

Get thee to a sling library!

My Baby is 3 months old and I can really empathise. To begin with my recovery was awful so I didn’t really start getting out and about until after new year.

Now we go to the local Baby and Toddler Group, Mum and Baby Yoga, BookBug (free singing and story classes at the local library, not sure if it’s UK wide or just scotland?). We try to get out for a buggy walk each day and we often go to the library to get new books for bedtime. Also started walking with mum friends from yoga one day a week too.

I am starting to feel a bit more confident about going out, even though I do have the fear of the crying and also crying in the car! I’m realising that the days I do go out are actually easier than staying at home all day trying to keep him entertained!

The mum friends I’ve made through yoga really have helped me keep my sanity, I’d gently encourage to try to find your ‘tribe’ to help you get through this 🩷

100% leave the house or you'll go literally crazy. Trust me - I had a lockdown baby so I know!

Even if you just have a coffee in town, you'll appreciate the change of scene/ adult interaction.

God yes I’d have hated maternity leave if I’d done nothing but sit around the house and walk the dog. Do you particularly want to avoid baby groups and avoid making ‘mum’ friends? Those are the only things which make maternity leave enjoyable for me. I appreciate not everyone likes the idea though.

Yeah, my baby is 6 weeks and I’ve only left the house a handful of times for medical/midwife appts. CS recovery, no car and horrid weather hasn’t exactly helped. Also feel too vulnerable out with baby unless DP is with me. Hoping time, baby maturing and better weather will help…

I have re-read your original message at the 4am feed and I just wanted to add how much it resonates with me. We live in a village too and for ages I just found going in the car such a palaver, it really put me off going anywhere. Also totally get the hassle of the weather!

Do you have any shopping centres/malls nearish? I find them easier, usually plenty of parking, plus good baby changing and feeding rooms. I say this, I’ve only been 3 times in 15 weeks but I’m getting more into the swing of things. I was paranoid about switching him into the bassinet of the pram, it’s needed for weather protection but sometimes I’m using the lie flat car seat on the pram wheels if it’s an inside place I’m going. Less upheaval and he can see more if he’s awake.

We’ve gone swimming once so far. Admittedly it was a two man job, and only in the water for 15 minutes, but it was fun!

I really do get the lack of time to get into anything. We often get a 2 hour nap but it’s not predictable and doesn’t tend to happen if we’re just in the house. I haven’t got any tulips planted this year, I miss doing crochet and just keeping on top of the housework can be hard sometimes.

One thing that has really helped is a high chair with a newborn attachment. Mine is the Mash by Baby Elegance. He is fairly happy in there watching me in the kitchen, as long as I’m interacting with him. It lets me cook and wash bottles up etc.

I do find keeping him entertained at home is relentless. Any tips on activities for home or toys to buy would be much appreciated. In fact I might do a separate post!

Aww, it makes me sad to hear from those of you who are struggling. My first DC was a really tough baby, cried soooo much and so difficult to soothe, and all three have been rubbish nappers until they were about 1. However I found like PP they were all much happier out of the house than stuck at home bored with me all day. Also napped better as would nap in the pram.

I don't drive but know I am super lucky to live somewhere urban with loads of groups for young children though. We do/have done a lot of: children centre groups, shops, cafes, libraries, parks when the weather improves, church playgroups, visiting friends and family or having them visit us, baby cinema, random walks in the pram for naps etc.

Don't worry about your baby crying though, they will probably cry less outside the house than in it. And even if they cry, well babies cry sometimes, it can't always be helped.

Breastfeeding - I feed anywhere and everywhere, but even with baby 3 I still often take a huge muslin with me and drape that over us. Not saying you should but it helps me feel more comfortable in those early months when it's a bit faffy to get them latched or if they latch and unlatch a lot etc. Some places like department stores often have feeding rooms too which are good for privacy or if you have a baby that is easily distracted when they get a bit bigger (happens from around 4 months ime).

@StanleyR38 do you have a sling or are you solely relying on the pram? I remember the first time I used a sling with DD and it was a total revelation and made everything 100% less faffy as I could just strap her to me and go wherever and she’d usually just snooze on me. If I’d relied on waiting for wake windows I’d have never left the house as DD was a proper velcro baby.

If you don’t have a sling I’d recommend finding your local sling library and booking an appointment to try some options.

Aww thanks everyone! There’s a lot of points above which really click.

I have definitely felt less ‘vulnerable’ with the extra pair of hands when my DP has got us out of the house, so I think it’s mainly just a confidence thing. But in the back of my mind I want a good nights sleep, and thinking less hassle equals calmer baby - yet to prove this theory!

The day does feel a slog indoors and it had occurred to me that out of the house may be easier and more entertaining for her ! DD is getting very alert and is very nosey, so isn’t happy doing anything for more than 5 minutes.

Never got on with the fabric slings, have more of a carrier which I don’t use that much as anytime I’m outdoors I have the dog with me, and I can’t really get down into a low squat with baby on the front to pick up his poo! It’s only just hitting me now that some of our purchases haven’t been practical. The Mash high hair looks great, but we’ve spent on other similar items. Also got a second hand pram but have now realised the pushchair seat doesn’t lie back and she’s going to be growing out of the bassinet soon so no good for naps on the go.

Shopping outlets/malls are all half hour drive away so in theory an option.

That 2 hour nap is killing us at the minute I think. She’s taking it anytime from 11:30 to 13:30 so bang in the middle of the day.I’ve read how good it is developmentally and as we always lately seem to be in a sleep deficit I let her sleep on me as paranoid moving her will cut that down to 30/45 mins. Trying to preserve a good nights sleep just seems to be ruling my day.

I’m definitely keen to try my idea of going to the cafe at the motorway services and then doing the nature reserve but, for example yesterday DD fell asleep after every feed and fed more than usual so our first window of opportunity was at 2:30pm which is around the time the dog is fussing for a walk.

Arggh I’m sure there’s an answer I just need to make a change somewhere in the day and risk the potential disruption, to see how DD fairs up. I will report back in a couple of weeks, we have 16 week vaccines next week, so sure that’s going to throw everything off for a few days!

If my baby (same age as yours) falls asleep feeding and I want to go somewhere I just take them then. I find that's a good time because if they need the sleep they soon go back off in the pram again, and it gives me a window where I know they don't need a feed (breastfed on demand).

My elder two didn't nap well until 9-12 months and I can say though tricky for me, most of my friends had similar experiences with their babies when they were young. Today my baby has had a 30 min nap (morning school run in the pram), a 25 min nap (pram after leaving play cafe to go to my DPs - possibly would have slept longer but my 3yo woke him up, which was definitely frustrating), and a 45 min nap (afternoon school run) so far. It's a low nap day for him, but it's not unusual for him either.

Mines the same age as yours - she's a tricky baby but personally I'd rather get cried at outside doing something I enjoy rather than being at home all day. I did work out to getting my confidence being out and about with her though and did lots when DH was on pat leave. She also hates the car which is hard going.

For example we often go to baby cinema and she's the only baby that needs me standing up and ticking her throughout the film to keep her calm but i just accept this as better than standing up and rocking her alone in my house!

We both get cabin fever though so we do make sure we prioritise going out over nap schedules!

All the best with the rest of your mat leave!

Just thought I’d update as DD passes the 5 month mark.

Still pretty bored to be fair!! I think I,ve come to realise I’m just missing the mental stimulation and purpose of going to work. Seriously going to look at getting back into reading to help there.

Managed to get out to a few places with DD now the weather has improved a bit and she’s been more predictable.That’s helped massively to be fair as it’s one less thing to think about. But I didn’t realise how tiring it would be getting out of the house for an hour - lugging the pushchair in and out of car, trying to keep track of belongings, making sure I don’t lose anything etc. So mentally tiring as I suppose I’m not used to it.

Still spending lots of time on the sofa however 😔 Currently trying to get DD to stop feeding to sleep as a long term approach to help with sleep, as back to work in 10 weeks, so trying to be consistent in my approach which is hard when you want to get out of the house.

Going to put all my effort in to selling all the clothes DD has grown out of, and the suitcase of clothes i promised myself I’d sell before going back to work - I’ll be so cross with myself if I don’t! Again this is so much harder than I thought it would be as DD needs so much entertaining now!

Feel a bit sad that this is what my maternity leave has consisted of but I kinda had a feeling i wouldn’t naturally enjoy it. Either way I think I’ll appreciate my work life more than ever, just as much as family time at the weekend after moaning about being at work all week haha!!😝