Breastfeeding vent

[Bumblebee413]

I’m just going to preface this by saying that I do appreciate how lucky I am to be able to breastfeed and that is one of the reasons I know IABU about this.

But. My second baby is three months old and I fucking hate breastfeeding. I fed our first for a year and will do this time because I truly believe in the health benefits for them and me and because ultimately I can’t and won’t give an advantage to one child and not the other, irrespective of how smal that advantage actually is. Just because I can’t suck it up for a few months.

Its also so much more convenient and cheaper for us and I am struggling so much to keep on top of the house even without all the bottles that come with formula.

But I hate it. I hate my nipples being pulled and plucked and mauled. I hate her little needle nails scratching and plucking me, her razor gums clamping down. I hate her kicking her legs or arching her back so she suddenly shoots herself off in a direction either whilst clamped down on my nipples or so that she loses her good positioning and slips to the end where it’s so painful.

I hate how lonely it is, how draining it is constantly being at their beck and call and trying desperately to pump to stay on top of it all and try to buy some freedom.

I am so jealous and bitter about all the mums who blissfully love breastfeeding their babies or who find it a bonding experience. It just feels like trying to feed a bad tempered bitey octopus. I hate that it’s making me miserable and I won’t tell anyone because they will tell me/ pressure me to stop and I won’t. Finally, I hate being postpartum, exhausted and in such a hormone riddled hell where rational thought is just gone. Fin.

Also. She’s just come off the boob and I love her so freaking much. She’s beautiful and friendly and smiley. I just wish feeding wasn’t so miserable for me again.

I definitely had moments of feeling like that - certainly over feeling trapped, and I used to hate it when my eldest was slightly older and would fiddle with my other nipple. Ugh.

Can you try focusing on what it's doing for YOU at these moments. Delaying menopause, protecting your bone health, vastly reducing the risk of female cancers.

Awww. This makes me miss having babies.

I'm awake because my 4 year old has been restless with ear ache. Less cute.

I absolutely hate it too. Refused a bottle the entire time! 6 weeks until they’re 1 and I think ill stop cold turkey the weekend after! Did you feel the same with your first?

I’m up feeding my 3 month old and I totally agree. Only 2 things I would suggest, if they’re still small enough for the inbuilt mittens then put them over their hands when they feed, makes the scratchy thing less irritating.

and gave you checked them for tongue tie? Both mine have had it badly and makes them rubbish at feeding. I’ve already sorted it privately for my current baby but reattached so have to wait 2 weeks to get it done under GA. Holding out till then and hoping it magically makes it less shit

Reading again and wow I really could have written this. And I agree, hate that people would just suggest ‘it’s ok to stop you know’. Yes of course I can stop but I won’t. It’s taken too much effort to get here plus I’m a lone parent with a 4 year old aswell and am frankly too lazy to try and add formula etc to my already sleep deprived and overwhelmed life.

but I also agree, my lo is just the most adorable and cutest thing ever, I just love staring and cuddling him so much. And I’m aware I shouldn’t moan as I have two wonderful children and have been able to breastfeed them both. I’ll stop taking over your rant now (you clearly touched a nerve with me 😁) and try to put him down again

I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to read each of those posts. Thank you so much for ‘getting it’. It’s just nice to feel less alone in it all if nothing else.

Thank you @AnyankaJenkins, neither of them have tongue tie, although I do! I really hoping the re-snipping goes well- how frustrating that it healed over. Fingers absolutely crossed for magically less shit x

First off, can I just say how impressed I am by you and your perseverance? Breastfeeding is such a gift for your LO longterm health and wellbeing, but you’re right in that it isn’t always easy or ‘blissful’ like some people like to suggest and it often feels like you can’t share those struggles without someone rolling their eyes and telling you to put them on formula.

Aside from the practical recs like mittens, latch etc, is there a chance you could be feeling overwhelmed? Low? Anxious? Overtired? The only reason I mention this is that I know for me, it was when I felt touched out that I usually started to really resent breastfeeding. It’s really challenging, especially with ebf barnacle babies, but could you carve out some more time for you? Even a daily 20min shower, walks with baby in the pram, baby groups to meet other moms, some more childcare support for your older child? Obviously you know best what you need. Hope that helps!

Sending love op. I exclusively breastfed my daughter for a year and while it wasn't the breastfeeding as such I just hated almost everything and was incredibly sleep deprived, suffocated and depressed. I started several 'I can't cope' style threads often at 3am and remember just feeling dreadful. Dd is nearly 3 now and life is happy again. Good luck and feel free to vent at us some more, we are listening xx

It's been a few years since I was in that position but I do remember 3 months being a particularly bad time for the breastfeeding! They just want to look around and wiggle and pop off all the time. It's so irritating!
For me it got much better when we started weaning and feeds were cut down. I felt my LO got more focused and we were both able to enjoy it much more.

I did mine for 18months each and never really loved it like some do. Both were tongue tied and the early months were horrific.

It does get easier from about 4 months or so, they get quicker at feeds and go longer between them.

I always insisted on "breastfeeding manners" from very early on. Any type of biting/ playing with my other nipple etc. meant they were unlatched I'd wait a minute before relatching. Never let them pull my clothes up either, I hate seeing babies do that.

I feel this. Especially during cluster feeding, when they're never satisfied, and I just want her off me!

I do enjoy the sleepy, relaxed feeding though. No thrashing about and constant repositioning and relatching. Just curled up against you, little hands clasped together and their eyes shut. So beautiful and sweet.

Please stop if you want to. I remember feeling exactly the same, and to be honest I realised I was starting to resent my precious little boy because couldn’t stand to be touched any longer, along with all the things you mentioned. So I stopped and the pressure lifted immediately. My son didn’t seem bothered (I was already combination feeding).

My mental health improved dramatically the moment I stopped breastfeeding and I feel that made me a better Mum.

I was part of a chat about breastfeeding with a group of other mums this week, who all seemed to take to it in the textbook way we’re told we will. I was a little envious that that wasn’t my experience but just sat and listened as I didn’t want to kill their moment. But I am actually pleased at 2 years old my son isn’t still clambering on to me for feeds and he comes to me just for a cuddle now, that’s the perfect kind of connection for me.

Please don’t punish yourself, you’ve given your baby so much already.

The op specifically said that she didn't want to be told to stop. She knows she could but she doesn't want to.

That sounds really tough. Do you have any local breastfeeding support? I used to help out at groups: sometimes speaking to others in the same boat can help. Looking after a baby is really full on and lonely - however you’re feeding. If you stopped breastfeeding you’d still be your baby’s main carer, so would that change anything much in reality?

another though - feeding aversions are quite common - some mums find taking a magnesium supplement can help alleviate that. But your baby is quite young, it could be dmer - have Google and see if that fits.

you sound like an awesome mum, hope things feel a bit easier in time x

I had to re-read the OP 3 times before I saw the comment about not wanting to tell other people so apologies I missed that. But I haven’t insisted she stop, simply offered my perspective.
Feel free to report my comment so it’s removed.

You’re so close! I did, but it hit later and I don’t think I resented it as much as I do this time. I’ve genuinely almost quit three times now and that didn’t happen last time.

How are you tonight op? Are you ok? X

i wasn’t keen. Don’t do it for so long next time.
6 months is optimal, but you don’t need to do it for longer than that.
type it into a decent study site like ‘pubmed’

One of mine was a bad-tempered, bitey octopus. You have my every sympathy!

Two things that I found helped:

1. Position. The absolutely worst feeding position was your classic tummy-to-mummy in your arms. The best was lying on my side in bed with her, and putting her to the downhill boob. She would sometimes flail herself so much that only her mouth touched me - but it did not hurt me.

But of course you can't do every feed in bed. The next best position was rugby hold. Maybe being tucked under my arm was like being swaddled, because she didn't flail as much.

2. Giving her something to hold. If I put the edge of my cardigan in her hand, she would tug it instead of flailing her whole body.

Hope these ideas help. You sound like a loving, hard-working mum. Remember the Mum Mantra: 'This, too, will pass.'

I think aswell just quitting is easier said than done isn’t it?!

I felt this way with my second baby. My son was a dream to bf and we coslept and fed to sleep all very easy and magical,

My daughter was like a slippery angry seal with needle nails and sharp toothy gums who was ever so demanding and quite frankly i felt exploited most of the 12 months i fed her for.

I had a different situation but similar - I hung on in there for various reasons until baby weaned himself at 9 months (we then switched to formula which he drank loads of so I presume I actually had some sort of supply issue or something).

What I would say is maybe consider combi feeding? The benefits of breastfeeding seem (from lots of reading but obviously most of the studies into breastfeeding are very poor quality and show correlation not causation - one of the reasons that the benefits are unlikely to be as large as claimed), to be mainly from SOME breastfeeding as it is a way of getting antibodies (I'm not a scientist so that might not be the right word!) into the baby.

Personally the experience of battling through awful, long battles of breastfeeding only to have to pump while husband took the baby was awful and I just stopped pumping and started giving some top up formula as needed. Overall it worked well for us although as I said the baby decided he was done with boob before he was 1. By that time he was eating so much food I figured it wasnt too bad.

Good luck. Hope it gets better and you have supportive people in your life.

I described breastfeeding to my HV in the first couple of weeks as a prison sentence, and I still stand by that months later.

I ve found it so restrictive as DD takes ages for a full feed or snacks all day. Haven’t managed to get her onto formula for an odd feed but thinking of trying a different brand. Expressing just seems painful or it’s as if I don’t have the supply there. Don’t even get me started on the leaking boobs. I don’t go places until she’s fed and are back before she’s ready for the feed because of all the above.

Just haven’t enjoyed it but she’s such a delicate little thing, I can’t help but look at her in awe when she stops tugging, kicking, pulling at me and settles into a feed.

We’re weaning soon and haven’t quite got my head around how milk fits into that all, but the nearer to 6 months as possible is my aim.

My mum stopped bf me at 3 months when she went back to work, so not worried about stopping at 6 months.