Post natal rage

[Firsttimemumsteph]

Has anyone else experienced post natal rage?? I think im really struggling at the moment. Usually im fine and then all of a sudden, if my baby is being particularly fussy, I lose my temper quickly.

I've tried taking deep breaths and walking away but it just doesn't seem to help. I feel like such an awful mother, and I'm scared this is going to have a deep impact on my baby. I have thoughts about hurting myself and my baby - like I have the urge to do it but I stop myself. There's been a couple of times where I've shouted at her, and (as ashamed as I am to admit) not been super gentle with her. When I really feel myself losing it I put her down and walk away but her crying gets me even more angry.

I have never hurt my child, but I am so scared that I'm going to. I've hurt myself and the other night I completely lost it with myself. I just want to be okay and be a normal happy mum but I really am struggling,

I am planning on going to the doctors to get help but I feel so ashamed to admit that I can't control myself. I feel like such a failure because being a mum is the one thing I have always wanted, and now that I am I feel like I'm going such a bad job of it. I love my baby more than anything in the world and the last thing I want to do is hurt her.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this. I would love some other advice or just someone to talk to about this. Someone who's gone through or is going through this. I don't want to be alone.

Firstly you shouldn't feel ashamed op. Your hormones will be all over the place. It is very common to feel a wide range of emotions in the post natal phase. However having these feelings isn't good for you or your baby. You need to speak to your midwife/health visitor or gp and they can arrange some help for you. They might offer medication and will probably offer to refer you to either your specialist perinatal team or your local talking therapist team. As your child is under 2 you will be prioritised so will start treatment soon. I work in one of those services and what you're saying is not uncommon but please reach out and get some support, it is important for you and your baby, and be kind to yourself, this early stage is hard 😊

I relate, my son is 7 months old and I'm finding the emotional regulation side of things really difficult at the moment. Especially when my son is being particularly difficult. I'm in a constant feeling of loosing my s##t any minute. My heart rate increases, I feel it in my chest. No amount of deep breathing or counting helps. I want to be the loving, patient, nurturing mum that I thought I'd be but instead I'm an emotional mess. My GP was pretty rubbish, said it's not PND and referred me to local generic counselling organisations.

Do you have anyone you can talk to? Parents? Partner? Friends?

Don't feel ashamed or upset about feeling this way. It's normal for mothers to go down this route - I still struggle sometimes. Especially if I've been alone with the baby all day without seeing anyone or talking to anyone or even having 5 minutes to myself: I get especially worked up when I'm all hot and sweaty because of the weather.

You got this mama you can do it