Making friends as a new parent

[GlassCaseOfEmotions]

Hopefully this is the right place to post.

Majority of my previous friends were from my old job. Sadly, my closest friendship ended 18 months ago due to bereavement. I'm now a new parent and feel like I need some mum friends.

How do people go about this? I have been to a handful of baby sensory sessions but people have either come with partners/ friends, have made their own little groups or just want to keep themselves to themselves. I can be a bit socially awkward at times and get really anxious speaking to new people, but I desperately want friendships similar to those I have had before.

I tried the Peanut app when pregnant, but to be honest it felt more like online dating the way people communicated and I couldn't imagine meeting up with anyone from there!

I feel like being a new parent and being on maternity leave can be quite isolating at times.
my local council ran a play group and I went along to that with my eldest when she was four weeks old. That was my life line, a few mums there knew each other from antenatal classes but I got chatting with them and they told me about other parent and baby groups they attended, and started including me in some of their invites for coffee etc.
i still know a lot of these women 9 years later (there was 10-15 of us) and if I see them around town will stop and chat, and our paths cross a lot with clubs etc as it's a small market town so they'll pop up at swimming lessons or football or beavers.

try and get to some toddler groups (they often have a baby area set up) or similar in your area would be my suggestion!

Hope this helps x

I really feel for you. I was in your shoes back when I had my first baby. My existing friends were all very scattered and at different life stages, so I was very keen to find some others locally with babies a similar age to mine.

Unfortunately I found it much harder said than done and, although I got there in the end, it was a much slower process than I’d hoped and those early months felt very isolating and lonely. I didn’t fancy trying the Peanut app for similar reasons to you.

IME making friends at baby groups isn’t always as easy as it might seem. Some groups are cliquey, some just not that friendly and others can even be competitive, bitchy and otherwise toxic. Or they might be perfectly nice but just not people you really click with or have anything in common with other than your babies. One doesn’t want to come across as desperate by giving your number out right away (or I never did anyway).

The answer for me was just time and perseverance. Keep trying out new things and chatting to different people and eventually something will click. I know it can be hard to keep putting yourself out there when you’ve not had great experiences though. xx

My husband tells me I love a group, and he'd be right! Lots of people try different baby groups for different reasons and for some its not to make friends, don't hold it against them.
I think you'd be more successful in a local council or church run playgroup. For my 2nd baby the children centre baby group was my go to!

Making friends at mother and baby groups doesn't happen overnight. Chat to everyone, be friendly and approachable and see who you hit it off with. Go regularly so you see the same people week after week and you will soon be greeting each other and asking how's your week going etc. Do you have a local Facebook group? You could post on there asking if there are any new mums locally who'd like to meet up for a coffee or walk in the park?

It's very tricky! Especially finding people you actually like.... I'd try lots of different things. Is there an nct post baby class (we did the pre natal one and met friends), try other apps (it is like online dating but it does work too), try smaller playgroups in village halls, they're a bit friendlier than classes. Depends on your location but my local town has lots of people posting on the local Facebook noticeboard saying "looking for mum friends" and people post ideas or messages to meet up (do be safe though!) I think it's perseverance!!

Classes don't tend to be the place to make friends. You're in, doing class and out again in a relatively short space of time with little chance for chitchat.

You definitely need more relaxed groups like playgroups or postnatal groups where you can sit around and chat.

I agree with some of the above response. Classes aren’t ideal as you’re usually engaged in activity rather than spending the time chatting. Local church playgroup was best for us. Go every week to the same ones and you’ll soon find the regulars and someone who is your kind of person

good luck- maternity leave can be so lonely

I found the nicest place to make friends was at church run playgroups, the people are usually very welcoming to new people. The worst I found were the sensory/paid classes as people just didn’t want to interact. I agree with another poster that people don’t always go to groups to make friends and may already have established friendships so don’t want to get involved but keep trying different ones and you may get lucky. I have to say that it wasn’t until my son started school that I felt I made proper friendships as most people just didn’t seem interested, he’s 6 now and I have some lovely mum friends but covid took away a lot of the time we would have been going to toddler groups so may just have been bad timing

I’ve made some great friends at groups over the years but it’s very hit and miss to be honest. Much more likely to make friends in small groups of parents who are just with their babies too. Some of the children’s centre booked courses were great for that. Never found had much luck with groups for babies and toddlers as most of the parents had already usually made friends by that stage or were too busy running after their toddlers to sustain a conversation which may establish a friendship. Some groups are much friendlier than others

Baby and toddler groups run in community centres and church halls tend to best for meeting people. You're sitting around rather than all being focused on an activity.

You do need to go along week after week though so people start to see you there regularly. Strike up conversations with other mums, chat about your children as it's something you've got in common right away.
Put your name on the rota to help out tidying up the toys, serving the snack etc.

Your health visitor may have a list of what's available locally

When I had my first DS we were living miles away from friends and family due to relocating for work. We did loads of classes, Rhyme time type thing, swimming, signing and loads of baby/ toddler groups in village or church halls. I’d chat to different people and I made friends with a Mum who knew lots of people and introduced me to lots of people, one of whom 13 years on is my best friend.
just keep going to the groups. There’ll be people who won’t be for you but there will be people that will. I remember I met one Mum that never stopped talking and I said to DH she drove me mad. Fast forward to now & she still talks lots, but she’s also a great listener, never forgets things you tell her and she’s a brilliant mate of mine over a decade later I love her to bits.
I know it’s a while off but we made some great friends when the kids started school too.
keep getting out and about and being friendly and you’ll find people.

You will find your people! My lifeline was the local church playgroup. Church isn't my thing but it was so much more welcoming and genuine than the paying groups and I made some really good friends there.

It’s really hard. With my first two DC, I had done the antenatal groups- NCT and pregnancy yoga - that let me meet people before the babies came, and I would have been part of those groups going to the classes. Now I’m on DC3 after a biggish gap, all my other mum friends have finished having babies and I’m starting again. I find the classes with an activity are no good for meeting people, there’s not space in the class to chat and quite a lot of people come in groups. I’ve been going to the more casual drop in groups and they’re much better, I’m getting to know a few people now. Near me, the NCT baby cafe (no need to be a member) and the family/children’s centre baby group are best. I’m also doing a mum and baby exercise class, where people are much friendlier - I think maybe because it’s a group about the mums rather than the babies. I’ve been recommended another group which focuses on mums socialising too - have a look out for these things in local what’s on pages or ask your children’s/family centre, they’ll know.

Keep going to the obvious places - playground, library etc. Over time you recognise the same people and can chat more. My DD got several play dates this way too. Try to be friendly but not force it. Small talk about children, local places, the weather etc. Some people just aren’t interested and that’s fine but others will be. Good luck!

Thank you everyone for your suggestions! I will try to find more locally to us, it'll stop me going crazy at home if nothing else 😊

We live quite rurally so there isn't a lot local, but I don't mind travelling a shortish distance to attend things.

I think it's more just having that supportive connection that I'm missing, hopefully groups will provide that 🤞🏻

Thank you again and sorry for the delayed reply, I didn't receive notifications for responses!

Making friends during pregnancy is worth while at things like antenatal classes or pregnancy yoga, because people have the time to talk without a baby around and are enthusiastic about making friends at that stage. The classes usually set up WhatsApp groups so you can also arrange to join baby classes together, which is why you see people already having friendship groups at classes. Once at the baby stage it’s a lot harder as people already have made friends and it’s harder putting in the effort to make new friends when babies here and you’re tired and just want to speak to a familiar person.

Thank you, that makes sense! Sadly we are far beyond the antenatal class stage and were unable to attend during pregnancy as I could never get through to book on NHS sessions and there was nothing affordable local to me.

I will persevere with going to groups/ classes for now. Even if no friendships develop, it would just be nice to be able to speak to people when there. I only really have my family and partner to speak to at the minute, and they have work/ their own lives which leave limited time for anything else.

Stand up at the end of the class and suggest coffee at a nearby cafe. I did that twice and it worked well

I’ve met some really good friends through peanut, I’ve been quite choosy with who I connect with so we would have things in common and babies the same age. I think it’s worth persevering with.

What area do live? I live in a little village and have the same problem. I get on with the people from baby group but because I see them every week at group we have never made plans outside of it

I would feel a bit crackers doing this, as only 1 or 2 people have said hello (literally nothing else!) when I've been 🤣

I live in Staffs Moorlands, where abouts are you? Little villages are great, just very isolating and lonely!!

I have signed up for the next 3 weeks to another local baby group at a library. It ends just before the summer holidays start, but I am hopeful they will do activities during the summer holidays too.

Will continue with the same sensory classes as well, as it's good for the little 1 🥰

I may give it another go. I found it quite awkward and not very personal. I spoke to someone and they seemed nice when speaking about themselves, but weren't interested in finding anything out about me! Conversations with people just seemed a bit online dating like 🙈