I don't have any sex drive after having a baby

[emlouba]

Hello

I just wanted some advice really. As this isn't something I'd talk to family or friend about, but since having a baby 9 months ago- my sex drive has gone, my partner thinks it's weird I don't want to anymore or suggest it, he said we are more like friends. Which is sad because I love him and I want to be with him but I don't know why I just don't feel like having sex. I tried to explain maybe it's because I'm so shattered all the time from broke sleep and if I get more sleep maybe it will come back? But he doesn't take time to understand at all, he thinks I just don't want to. It's turnt into an argument now and he is being horrible.
Maybe as he feels like I don't want him anymore, but it's fustrating for me as I want it to come back.

Has this happened to anyone else?

Thanks x

You have built a complete human, this has drained your body. And since then this tiny human is completely dependent on you. This is why you haven’t slept enough to recover.

In your situation I would tell him that being pressured for sex and compared to other couples, is not conducive to recovering your libido.

Sorry, forgot to answer your question. Yes, it did happen to me after having twins but my DH was supportive with the babies and that made a difference.

It's incredibly normal and common!

As for your husband, he can fuck off telling a woman what is normal. No uterus, no opinion! When he grows an entire human being, gives birth, and feeds, comforts and nurtures the tiny baby, he can tell you how quickly he gets his sex drive back... And even if it was 2 days later.. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT!

Are you breastfeeding? With both of mine I had no desire whilst breastfeeding and even after I'd stopped although it came back it's still not what it used to be but I think that's age related.

I didn’t want to at all until I finished breastfeeding, with both my DC, and then it came back slowly after that. I don’t think it’s completely uncommon. My DH was very patient and understanding, which is how yours should be.

Absolutely agree with the other posts that your body needs time to recover and that he shouldn't pressure you.
But this is an awkward debate here. The topic of sex drive often comes up on MN, and people are told they shouldn't have to live without sex. Obviously, there is a leeway when it comes to having children, but how much is a 'fair' wait?

I'd say wait (random number) six months for your body to recover, then if it's not back, counselling, and if nothing changes within the next year, well, I'd ask hubby whether he can survive without it. I think all you can do until then is try to reassure him that you're aware it's not easy, but that you need time. He should obviously be reassuring you in general throughout this period!

I'm glad to read this OP because I fell the exact same way. Our boy is 6 months old and it's been almost 10 months since "the deed". It's honestly the last thing on my mind and I just don't want to force myself because I'm tired and I can't hide my feelings well lol it'll be obvious that I'm not into it. Of course I love my husband, it's just one of those hormonal things I guess. Hope it comes back soon because we want to try for no 2 😂

Sorry wanted to add that's it's not ok that he's acting out because you're not feeling it at the moment. He needs to have some empathy. Perhaps read him all these comments and maybe he will have a lightbulb moment

I’m completely the same. Baby 10 months old and no sex drive at all. She is my second and with my first my sex drive came back around a year.

I have a real aversion to being touched, at the moment, not sure why. I’m much happier giving hand jobs/ oral etc. So that is what we are doing until I get my sex drive back.

Are you breast feeding?

I am in the same boat since DS1 my sex drive dropped massively. And now with DS2 at 3 months PP we have been intimate once.
I honestly put it down to the hormones.

Took 18 months, then in that 1 month window DC2 was conceived and it all started again!

I'm the same over here. I have no sex drive. We have done it a couple of times. And although I've enjoyed the foreplay I've not for the sex. It's still uncomfortable. I had a 2nd tear.

DH doesn't understand why I don't want to when I clearly enjoy it. And we had an argument over it. He just wants a sex life back but I'm just not bothered and he gets angry at that.
Tbh it's been an ongoing argument for years as I had a low libido but I put it down to being on the pill.
My LB is 15weeks +4.

Not really helping you but just wanted to say your not the only 1.