Should I get a donor pregnancy if my boyfriend does not want kids?

[Lozz001]

Hello, I am wanting to have a baby and I am 40 just about to be 41. My boyfriend keeps chopping and changing his mind which I have now taken to realise is he does not want children really. I am studying at the moment for a 2 year course but would like to get pregnant in my last year as I am extremely worried about getting too old. Then I would have to work for a year to get any maternity pay anyway so I would be looking at being around 44 when I have a child. I am thinking it’s best to do it now then work on a job after. I feel like it’s all mess. Should I do it? As my partner might not stick around being that really he does not want a child and it would not be his. I have waited and let life go past me a lot of things and so not want to do this with a child.

If you desperately want a child, and are happy to be a single parent, then it looks like that might be the best option for you if he really doesn’t want to become a father.
Have you been together long?

Yes I think trying to get pregnant by yourself is an option as it gets harder as you get older. Personally I wouldn’t wait but that’s me! I have a donor conceived child & it’s wonderful 😊

I would not base any timing decisions around a course. In my experience (both as someone who works at a uni and as someone who has been partway through a course with each of my pregnancies!), course providers will always work around things to get you through the course. It could take you a few years to get preg anyway. Everything else can be shuffled around apart from the unpredictability of actually getting preg! I was going to suggest you demand a straight answer from your partner but it sounds as though he’s more or less made that clear anyway.

We have not been together for long only year and half and when we met he had come out of a very long term relationship where his partner did not want children. I was already starting to do this process but obviously put it on hold thinking maybe he would be on the same page not right now but maybe in the future but he keeps chopping and changing his mind saying he wants kids then he doesn’t know so that’s basically a no.

So happy for you. Yes I think I will just go for it. I think I have waited thinking I will meet the perfect person but that’s not going to happen in reality. I am very happy in my relationship but I will have to make this happen myself!

So you're not actually working? Who will fund you and the potential child?

Thanks so much … that’s good to hear they will work around me as I was quite scared! It could take me a long time to get pregnant. So I do need to start soon.

It’s your decision, and only you know what is best. I would think really carefully about what life YOU want. Do you want to stay with your partner? You say you’re very happy in your relationship. Do you really want to throw that away? I have found moments of parenthood to be the loneliest of my entire life, and that’s with a supportive husband.

I am studying and own a house and would stay at my mums and rent my own house out as she has said she could help me whilst the baby is young

i do want want a child I have thoughts lots about not having one but am not sure if I would be doing that for them or me. I do think life would be good either way if it can’t happen.

It’s good that your mum will help, it’s easier with help. There are lots of resources to help with raising a donor conceived baby like the DCN.