5 week old baby - colic - I can’t enjoy her

[hereistopositiveenergy]

I feel absolutely heartbroken and awful saying this but I just cannot ‘enjoy’ my beautiful very much wanted and loved baby girl.

She is 5 weeks old and I am breastfeeding - whenever she is awake, she wants feeding even if she last fed 10 minutes ago. If she’s not feeding, she’s screaming and crying so I then find myself trying to do everything I can to just get her back to sleep because ‘wake windows’ and interacting with her with all these wonderful things people say I should be doing just can’t happen. She absolutely hates being put down for sleep during the day so I spend most of the time letting her contact nap with fear moving her will wake her up and the cycle repeats. I have ordered a wrap sling which I am hoping will help me just be able to move around the house better. She is better at night time but I think that’s because she’s worn herself out that much during the day.

Now, she does suffer with suspected silent reflux (randomly but not consistently sicky in her sleep post feeds) and the HV/GP suspect colic so I’ve brought colief drops Saturday to try and help. They do help her bring up trapped wind but they are such a faff to do - add 4 drops to expressed milk before every feed so I’m using a little syringe to do it however, she’s feeding NONSTOP and I don’t even have time to express on my pump so the little bit of let down I’m getting (1-2oz during the night) is being used for this and not towards a bottle just so I can have a break. I’m making up the drops for every 3rd feed as I’m concerned the back to back feeds will have her having too much of the drops.

I noticed being outside in the pram settles her but as soon as I am inside either home or a coffee shop, all hell brakes loose again so yesterday I ended up walking 11.5KM just to keep her asleep as I could tell she was overtired and today we’ve covered 13KM. I’m aching though as recovering from my section and also hit with a cold/flu so the lack of sleep or more than 20 mins silence isn’t helping much on top of forcing myself out the house for the big walks

All others with babies born a similar time I’m friends with seem to have happy, smiley and content babies yet mine just is just unhappy. It’s as if she absolutely hates me and anything I do for her.

I don’t know what else to do. Has anyone please got anything that works for a suspected colic/angry and unhappy baby. I looked at taking her to one of the osto people but I don’t know if that will actually help. She’s no tongue tie and no dairy allergy.

Ive tried to speak to others around me but everyone is telling me to just formula feed her because she’s clearly not settled from BF. This makes me feel worse as I’ve really done all I can to BF especially after all the anxiety and worries about her arriving due to my delivery that stopping now and moving to formula has me thinking I’ve failed yet again something for my baby. I can’t even bring myself to have any photos with her since we’ve brought her home from hospital with no real reason or logic except I don’t want any.

I’m seriously at breaking point. I just want her to be happy and content and to enjoy everything about her

[Writerscompanion]

My heart goes out to you OP. I'm not far ahead of you at 11 weeks and we are having our own issues with feeding but just to say she's so so different to how she was at 5 weeks. We had a very intense colicky/refluxy period with so much screaming where she couldn't be settled but before we got to the bottom of what it was, it went away (touch wood!). She's now settled and alert for much longer periods and we've been able to 'enjoy' her much more - even a relatively clingy/unsettled day like we've had today with constant feeding has involved calm periods. Every baby is up and down and two steps back every so often, I think, so there will be new things to worry about, but she will grow and her digestive system will mature. I see mine having silent reflux now and from her facial expression she is startled but not distressed. I'm sure it won't be long before things settle down. You're not far from the gorgeous smiles which make everything worthwhile!

[skkyelark]

Has she had any medication for the suspected reflux? Carobel is usually the first (just a thickener, a bit like cornflour), but there are other options if that doesn't work. The right treatment for reflux can be an absolute games changer, certainly DD2 was a different baby within 48 hours once we found the right thing for her.

[Bananaaa]

Don’t feel pressure to enjoy her. Some newborns just aren’t enjoyable!

My Ds1 (now 6) screamed inconsolably every moment he was awake and not feeding until he was 12 weeks. I shudder when I think of his newborn stage. He is an absolute joy now but back then I don’t even know how I survived. People used to tell me things like enjoy every moment, enjoy him while he’s so small and I used to think WTF is there to enjoy about THIS!

For what it’s worth my next 2 babies were much easier newborns and I did enjoy them, particularly ds3 who just slept all day and I finally realised what all the ‘enjoy every moment’ brigade were on about.

The first thing I would do is just forget about enjoying this time. You aren’t - and for good reasons. Don’t feel guilty about that. Anyone would find a colicky baby hard. It is hard. You are doing amazingly for getting through the day.

Secondly - your baby does not hate you. This has zero reflection on you as a parent. I used to think ds1 hated me as he just screamed at me so much. I logically knew he was a tiny baby not capable of hate but when he was screaming at me all day I kept thinking it as because of me. Actually out of all 3 of my boys now he is the most loving towards me. Hang in there. Your baby loves you. She can’t show it right now but she will. Every little thing you are doing for her right now is building a foundation of love and trust between you. She may not be able to show it for a while but she will.

[bk1981]

Just wanted to add that she doesn't hate you and you haven't failed. Some babies are just very unsettled and it's nobody's fault and it will change with time. Well done on the breast feeding. As long as her weight is good there is no reason to suspect that she isn't getting enough from you. It's brilliant that you're able to keep feeding her when things are so tricky.

[Plumful]

Colic is awful. Only thing that helped mine was a dummy.

[JoannaStayton]

Heart goes out to you. So tough isnt it.

I was in a similar position with wanting to continue breast feeding but a zombie from no sleep. A wise experienced health visitor said to me that what was more important was my relationship with the baby. So we went to mix of 80% formula and a bit of breast now and again. And we were all much happier.

You will enjoy her much much more soon I'm sure.

Good luck to you.

[Mystro202]

For me breastfeeding is amazing but so time consuming. I have 4 and my littlest is now 10 weeks old. I combi fed them all, if even to give yourself a little break during the day you could either express some milk in a bottle or give one or two bottles of formula. It won't do any harm, some say it messes with supply but it definitely didn't for me. I am happily breastfeeding right now, it gets so much easier. At the start , with all of mine I found it so painful, now I feel no pain. Hang on in there 💕

[PivotPivotmakingmargaritas]

My baby had colic , she is now 15 months and I look at newborn photos - first few months and want to rock in the corner…. It was so hard and isolating… I seriously want to cry thinking about it. Nothing but time worked for me at about 14 weeks I think ( premmie baby) I actually got some sleep and started to enjoy her. Now at 14 months she is so much more fun singing and dancing but when people say are you having another…. HELL NO !!

I was so jealous and still am of people who enjoyed the newborn cuddles and baby scrunch I didn’t get to enjoy it as it was just a battle everyday!! You’re not alone but you need help.

If you have a partner husband have them take them from 8- midnight every night so at least!! You get some sleep

[1Peppercorn]

That is a tough situation - I really feel for you. Please be kind to yourself. You are trying so hard for your baby and sound like a really good mum!

Don't feel guilty about not enjoying it yet - it is difficult! Perpetual pee, vomit and non stop screaming are not very enjoyable.

My baby had reflux/ trapped wind - apparently just due to digestion not being fully developed but these things helped a bit:

• Infacol
• Holding baby upright for 30 minutes after feeding or feeding them upright
• Dill seed or fennel water (check with pharmacist or a doctor before using)
• Giving baby to family member for a bit (baby cried more with me or when I was nearby!)
• Formula feeding if needed (I don't think it helped with wind/ reflux but it meant baby slept more at night and I could sleep too. It didn't mess up my milk supply but check with a health visitor)

Hang in there. It definitely gets easier.