I think my baby is high needs?

[bumblebee2235]

I'm not sure if she is but oh my I don't know what to do.

My LO is 3 months old. But gets in such a state. Even people comment on it :( I keep ringing health visitor or Doctor but they say she is ok. She's had reflux and lots of Gas so has been on baby gaviscon at times. But people keep saying somethings not right so I panic but doctors tell me she is fine.

She seems to have meltdowns all the time for hours on end. You have to hold her a certain way or she will have a meltdown for example. Once she's upset you can not soothe her, she will scream harder with cuddles... it appears getting upset gets her more upset, the more upset she is she won't deescalate, even if you've done what she cried about.. (nappy change, feed, ect)

She fights sleep like anything.. to put her down for nap or bedtime the only thing that works.. is a dark room, with a fan on (noise), rocking her cot, with dummy whilst stroking her cheek. And that can take 30-40mins standing there.

I'm exhausted 😭 I'm up all night and day.

Is this high needs? Any one else had this and was anything wrong?

I thought at 3 months I didn't think they would be like this yet?

It sounds to me as though she is struggling with reflux. My girls were like this with reflux at this age. There are other things you can us for reflux. Omperzole made a difference for my twins. Although it turns out they also had a cows milk allergy. So switching to dairy free made a huge difference. I found when health visitors/GP were not really listening I started to record the girls. I then would WhatsApp them to my health visitor and show GP at their appointments.

It does get easier but I can totally relate to how you are currently feeling.

@bumblebee2235 my DD was a bit like this tho not quite as bad. We got the proper meds for reflux and things did settle down but you have to push for it. It was also easier to get down her than gavsiscon as she was breast fed. It will pass but it's so hard when going through it xxx

@Donimo @Janefx40 thank you. Can not for the life of me get anyone to look at her or check her over. I've spent weeks trying to get an appointment but being fobbed off or the receptionist point blank refusing. My mums coming with me today to March her down to doctors surgery.

Mine was a bit like this when super tired too. We really struggled with sleep issues for a couple of years.

I think all babies at 3 months are "high needs" to a certain extent. Because they are babies. They are literally relying on your for all their needs.

But there are certainly easier ones (sleepy babies. Oh how I envied).

One of mine had enlarged tonsils/adenoids and the relief when they were removed (at 3) was amazing. Finally slept through!

My twins were both like this. They cried all the time. Turns out they had CMPA but because I was breastfeeding it wasn’t at obvious. Went milk free at 5 months and within two days they were different babies.

Not saying your baby has CMPA, but I wish I’d kept investigating things instead of accepting they were just babies that cried. Mothers intuition and all. If you think somethings up, keep looking. Glad your mum is in your corner.

What's CMPA? :)

I don't mind if I know she's ok I think. It's the panic of what if something is wrong? Plus the screaming is like something else, she will hold her breathe and go purple. I just end up crying I'm so worried.

We found the daytime screaming gor worse with lack of sleep. It's a vicious cycle. Also with no sleep as parents were anxious and on edge which doesn't help.

For us the cause was large tonsils but I've head as well of milk allergies like pp being an issue.

But they're also only 3 months which can also be why.

Have you got Home Start or similar in your area? I had someone come and spend time with us once a week which gave me the chance to unwind a bit as I was exhausted.

But yes do also check for medical stuff too.

CMPA is cows milk protein allergy. It could be that she has an allergy to that or something else you're eating, if she's breastfed?

Well her father and his family has a load of allergies. Crohns, nuts ect. And she does have awful eczema. I did think an allergy but people kept saying oh no she would be sick loads constantly and have really bad poos :( there has been lots of little things medically with her... she was prem and in neonatal for a while with feeding issues and jaundice, colic, reflux, loads of skin problems ect 😭😭 so I'm so confused, each one on it's own is nothing major, but it's constant new problems cropping up xx

I have Homestart, but they're clueless too... they just said sounds like she's in pain, then we're like maybe not. So I'm getting more stressed haha as it's nah she's fine, then maybe not then back to no I think she is ok.

I just meant as a bit of support for you. They're not medically trained so can't tell you what's up with the baby but can be a support to you.

Not sleeping yourself is exhausting and knackering and I kmow I went a bit loopy after a while- purely from lack of sleep. So any help available is great!

If you can get her checked by a good cranial osteopath, they can be very helpful at this stage.

My first son was like this- he's almost 5 now and getting assessed for ADHD. I used to go to so many baby groups/meet ups with babies of similar age and he was always the most extreme.
He used to cry all the time- we never reshot to the bottom of why and tried everything- cranial osteopath, removing dairy from my diet, using formula, holding in certain positions, white noise, bouncing. Literally we tried it all.
He eventually got more predictable and happier after the four month sleep regression- once he got abit more independence and could roll/ play more in the jumperoo.

Sorry I can't offer much advice just support- you're not alone. I'm sure right now there are loads of similar babies in your area abd mums struggling. It's just the "perfect" babies you meet at the baby groups may make you feel otherwise 😂(that's tongue in cheek btw, I now have a much easier second baby- 3 months also- abd realise it's absolutely nothing to do with our parenting or anything else, just part of their personality. Done babies are just bloody hard work 🙈). It'll get easier! X

Ds2 had severe reflux. Crying makes their reflux worse hence why they spiral down, we were told to give him a dummy so they are constantly swallowing stuff down which helps. We never laid him flat for a nappy change, we had the changing mat propped up.

We also had a formula on prescription (17 years ago now so things will have changed) but film your DD when she is screaming, especially if you manage to get the breath holding, show that to the GP because then they can see. We did this to show this wasn't normal crying but screaming in pain crying. We were lucky we had private health insurance so the GP referred us to a paediatrician when Gaviscon wasn't working. He saw him silent reflux and prescribed the anti-reflux formula.

I hope you get sorted out.

Her Dad has very extreme ADHD ( think it seems extreme as it's not currently being treated) quite a few cousins on both sides have ADHD and Autism. It would start showing this early could it?

I’m no medical professional so have no authority to be dishing out advice here, but this sounds so similar to my experience than it makes me think you should consider milk allergy. Are you BF or FF? If exclusively BF then it’s simple (albeit a hassle you don’t need) to cut dairy from your diet. If it’s FF then you’ll need to speak to a GP, which sounds like you’ll be banging your head against a wall. I ended up talking to loads of GPs and HVs with my girls and it took me to working out which ones were nice and which ones were assholes before I made any progress.

FWIW OP, you sound like you’re doing a great job in a crappy circumstance. And it doesn’t sound like you’re just being an overly anxious mother (which is fine anyway tbf), but following your babies lead that something is up. Keep fighting and keep advocating for her. Hang in there. This is hard stuff but it will pass and you will get through it.

@ReeseWitherfork

Waiting for GP to call. I was at baby group this morning and a retired midwife was there, on witnessing my baby screaming on boob and refusing to feed, whilst sucking her hands and seeing the skin immediately thought dairy allergy. She is BF, but I struggle with diet anyway and been through dietician as I struggle to keep weight up so dairy is generally what's suggested 😭😭 also I'm struggling so much BF, albeit as she's so unhappy atm, it's a constant fight 24/7 with only hour cat naps here and there (even through the night) I feel like death so hoping I'm not awful if I call it quits and go to dairy free formula if I can get GP on board!

Absolutely not awful! The whole “breast is best” thing doesn’t take into consideration any of the nuance… every baby is different and every mother is different and only you know what is actually best for your baby (and yourself). Absolutely stop if it’s not working for you. You might not need to because she may feed easier and sleep longer if she does indeed have a dairy allergy and isn’t suffering with tummy pain anymore. But it sounds like cutting dairy might be a really bad idea for your diet, so that’s a factor you need to consider, probably worth speaking to the dietician if you do want to carry on. But yes, not awful at all to stop. Possibly even sensible.

I have my fingers crossed for some progress this afternoon 🤞

Been doctors, pretty sure it's a dairy allergy so she's been prescribed allergy dairy free formula 😬 they think all other symptoms should go by a month if it's right, the skin, reflux, colic ect do fingers crossed a much happier baby! Phew

Hope this works. It worked for my twins. One DD was better after 2 days of being off cows milk. The other took about a week or so to see a difference (she kept refusing to try it!) Also just to let you know if the 1st formula doesn't work there are more hydrolysed options you can try too. Hope she's better soon

Also could be cranial - I really advise every new born sees an osteopath- they can fix a pain you don't know that they have x

Have you tried a sling? Nice for reflux babies and actually, lots of 3mth old babies