Three weeks in and struggling

[Springbaby2023]

I had DS three weeks ago and while for the first two weeks I was blissfully happy despite the tiredness and pain, these last few days I’ve really started to struggle.

I had an EMCS and the pain is nowhere near gone yet (still taking painkillers a couple of times a day) and now on antibiotics as part of it has re-opened. Breastfeeding, though generally going well, is still painful for the initial latch. And I’m still bleeding, with my first it had definitely stopped by now.

I just all of a sudden feel quite down and wondering if this is normal at this stage or if I should be concerned about PND?

I also feel a bit like I’m struggling to bond with the baby (although was besotted for the first week or so!, mainly out of exhaustion and then also mental capacity as we also have a three year old who is struggling with having less of my time and attention. He is at nursery for the next couple of days so really hoping to be able to get some rest and reconnect with baby.

I guess I’m wondering if it’s normal to be struggling with pain etc still and whether this is all just part of the normal post partum process.

Hi op, I had an elcs 5 months ago and at 3 weeks I was still sore and taking pain meds and I also got an infection and needed antibiotics. It probably took me until week 4 to start to feel better and honestly resting up was the only thing that helped. If you try to push yourself you will slow down your healing and it's frustrating.

In terms of breastfeeding I think I remember about 2/3 weeks in having real pain from latching but it lasted a few days and then went. Was toe curling at the time though! If its lasting longer than a few days I'd ask for a meeting with a lactation consultant to check the latch and for tongue tie (ds had a posterior one which affected his latch).

What you're describing is normal but it also sounds like you're worrying about having enough time for your older child and you're adapting to juggling two who need you. Do you have much support at home? Or family/ friends who can take your older child out for you now and then to give you a break outside nursery and spoil him a bit? If you're feeling down I would speak to your health visitor or gp. I definitely had days where I felt a bit emotional or flat from the hormones but again it really only lasted a day or two at a time for me and then I felt OK again. It would be completely normal for pnd to start to creep in around this point but best to get it addressed sooner than later if that is what's happening.

It's a big adjustment for your ds and the rest of the family, but the initial weeks are short lived in the grand scheme of things. Could you do movie afternoons in bed snuggled up with him, read books together in bed or other gentle and snuggly activities and get someone to look after baby in the house while you're having some time with him? You could also get him a baby doll so when you're looking after baby, he can join in and look after his baby and feel part of it? It sounds like you're doing great- the first few weeks are really tough and remember your body has been through something massive so it's important to be gentle with yourself.

@Ilovetea42 Thank you, that’s so helpful and reassuring. I definitely think I’m trying to do too much then getting frustrated I’m not feeling better yet. I had a vaginal delivery with my first so think I’m starting to notice the difference in terms of recovery time!

I’ve told myself I’ll give myself another week with the feeding then reach out for support if still painful. It’s only those first 30 seconds and worse if boobs are full or at night, but still not fun to be in pain especially when already in pain elsewhere.

The guilt around my first is a huge part of how I’m feeling, my parents have been taking him out which is great and we managed a quick trip out the two of us at the weekend while partner stayed at home with baby and emergency bottle, but it’s a good idea actually to have someone to look after the baby so I can play with him instead, might ask my mum to take baby for a walk in the pram when she visits next so I can just devote some time to him. The mum guilt when there are two is a whole other level!!