Grief and becoming a mum

[Ddcg12]

I sadly lost my mum suddenly on Boxing Day when I was heaven pregnant with my first child her only grandchild she was only 55. My son was then born early 3 weeks later on the 12th of January. I seem to be handling everything ok but I am terrified I will end up with PPD. I can't get over the fact she never got to see him and never will and I end up so upset every time I think about it, to cope with this I have blocked everything out and feel I cannot grieve as I will end up not being able to cope with being a parent. I have so much support and friends but just can't seem to talk about it or accept it and believe it's true. I am an only child and had to arrange the funeral etc with the help from family but still doesn't seem real. I'm scared I will end up having a breakdown as she lost her mum ( my gran ) and could never accept it and this caused her to have a breakdown. Also my 1st Mother's Day is coming up and it should be a time to celebrate but I feel sick every-time I think about it. Has anyone gone through anything similar and how did you cope ?

Please reach out to
your gp for
some help. Because your baby is so young you’ll be a priority for services like no other time in your life. PPD is horrible.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You will not necessarily have pnd but of course your mind needs time to process all the different things that have happened and it will take time. So give it time.

This has happened in a heartbreaking way and there is work for you to do in coming to a place of acceptance about what you and your mum have missed together. You're also shocked. Time will help with this but it takes longer than we'd want. Counselling would also be helpful when you feel ready.

OP this is heartbreaking. Sending hugs. Firstly you are amazing for going through this and being so strong. My belief is that your mum is still here to see it all one way or another, even if not the way we had hoped. I think she will be very proud of you. And you should be proud of yourself too for holding it all together even if you don’t feel like you are.

If I were you, I would look to get some professional therapy or counselling so that someone specially trained can help you navigate your emotions and be a crutch to lean on. I totally appreciate you trying to block it out to focus on being a parent so I think if you could ‘schedule’ some time to allow yourself to talk and grieve - particularly with someone who knows what they are talking about and can offer advice - then this might be a way of trying to ‘control’ your emotions in a way that allows you to work through the grief as well as focusing on being a new mum to your lovely baby xxx

I have been there! I was 32 weeks pregnant when my mum died suddenly at the age of 54. My DS was born six weeks later. That was 30 years ago now but it seems like yesterday. I didn’t really give myself time to grieve as an only child too I was caring for my Ds and my Dad. Two years later it hit me, it was like delayed shock. I had counselling with the hospital chaplain and it helped immensely. It was tough. Most afternoons I would walk to the cemetery with the pram and have a little chat with my mum. We talked about Grandma to my DS all the time when he was little and it is as if he knew her now as he knows so much about her.

It will get easier but you must give yourself time to grieve properly. Hugs to you xxx

Congratulations on your new baby.

I am so sorry for your loss. I gave birth Jan 11th and am managing grief at the same time.

You aren’t alone. If you need help speak to your GP or reach out to a support group.

It’s ok to skip Mother’s Day or celebrate it on a different day. Do what’s best for you and let your support network know what you need.

For me, the day that I grieve most is the day of her birth. Not the day she died or the day of the funeral. While I grieve everyday it helped me to allocate a special day to her and that helps me celebrate other days more easily.

Another thing that helped was keeping my mind busy when I needed to. It’s tough with a newborn, but I took up a crafty hobby. If I was alone with my thoughts, I’d replay traumatic memories in my mind. If that happened I would do a crafty tutorial on YouTube, because it meant I was focusing enough to stop those negative thoughts.

I wish you all the best x

So sorry that you are going through this :( I can relate. You mentioned about being afraid the same thing will happen to you that happened to your mum - one thing that helped me with similar feelings is someone reminding me 'You are not your Mum! You are a different person with different experiences, strengths, thought processes and personality. It is not inevitable that the same things will happen to you.' Be kind to yourself. All the best

Thus is an old post I am aware. Came across it looking for something else. I just had to message though to send some love. I hope you got through the early stages of grief juggled wirh a new born. My baby is 11 weeks and I remember sitting on the night feeds emotions all over and it crossed my mind what this would feel like and and how unbearable it must be for the people that do go through that.

I am so sorry you were one of them. I could not even imagine the pain you endured. I hope you are happy and smiling again and I hope you and baby are getting on well. I don't know what your beliefs are but I'm sure she was and still is watching over you at every step.

Give yourself some huge credit because that takes something.

I hope you are well

Take care xxx