Older mum struggling to fit in

[Kaz1805]

Afternoon all,
This is my first ever forum post, so please be kind 🙏
I am a first time mum, aged 43, to my 5 month old DS.
I've just tried a baby class and none of the other mums talked to me, not even a hi. This is not the first time this has happened. We did a baby massage course before Christmas and I just didn't gel with any of the other mums. I'm a friendly person and am starting to wonder how I can go about breaking the ice, because my age seems to be a barrier. Yes it's only a class, but these mums will likely send their children to the same local school in the future and I don't want DS to be left out in any way because if me.
Are there any older mums out there who could give me some advice please? xx

It can be hard you for any new parent .. I had my DS at 42, I had recently moved to a village with no baby group so I set one up - before my DS was born! So people did have to talk to me whether they wanted to or not ... but I would observe that some people just didn't get involved at all, no effort to talk, play with the DC, help with the refreshments, put out the chairs and clear up etc. There is always something that needs doing.
But I join a lot of groups (not just baby groups!) and still notice this at every one ....

I'm really worried about this, as I'm moving to a new area when the baby is born so will need to make a lot of effort to get out and meet people.

Naturally I seem to come across as shy and quiet to people, so to feel isolated like that by a group is my worst nightmare! Seem like they could be quite cliquey places

It's not your age I hated them and had babies early 20s snd late 30s.

Church groups are much better equally rhythm time type groups. It's not you.

I have found my local toddler group to be great for my son but I agree they can feel awkward. Remember everyone is probably feeling the same, I’ve found that when there is a really friendly person that breaks the ice it’s much easier for others to start chatting. Without one of them it can feel a bit awkward, like a meeting with the finance department. Just try and break the ice and you’ll find everyone is thinking the same and just want some company. X

Don’t worry about it, do your own thing, maybe enrol on a baby focused course like baby massage or something- don’t take it to heart. Congratulations on your baby.x

Hey there. I had my kid at 41 (nearly 42). Hrs just turned 4. I have joined mumsnet today to answer this. I was exactly the same. I joined an app called mush and also peanut, I made friends on mush when the little one was 6 months, it’s really helpful to meet local mums. I went to a lot of groups but they weren’t as helpful. I don’t have much family close so making mums friends was really important to me. Join these apps. Good luck xxx

I feel the same but am 25! Like pps have said I think often the groups can be too organised /structured and have an awkward atmosphere for chatting etc. try again and make a conscious effort to indulge in some baby talk but if it’s no better find another group or maybe try one of the apps. Good luck!

Thank you both for your advice xxx

A lot of years ago I had my 2 babies and no one ever really bothered with me either...not at the weekly HV weigh ins, the playgroups or the school pick ups. We were all about the same age too.
Roll on to picking up my grandchildren same old..

Don’t take it personally and don’t give up. Definitely try a few more times. I noticed dynamics changed very week and although sometimes I didn’t speak to many people, once you become a more familiar face things change. You start saying high. You recognise someone in the shops. I try and speak to as many mums as I can in class and initiate interaction and it helps. It can be so lonely as a new mum but put yourself out there and hopefully you’ll find your people. Good luck x

Did you speak to anyone? I think we have to force social interactions more often than not. Then decide if you want to maintain with that person.

If you want an older mums group, create one! Why not. Even if it starts with zoom. Telling fertility clinics your group exists could be an Avenue.

However if we were in the same class, your age wouldn't be a deterrent, if anything a bonus.

I'm 5 months pregnant with my first so not at the same stage but I have been awkward for years and learned how to make friends.

Walk into a room and say hello to everyone. Ask qs to the teacher. Be early and say bye to everyone.

If you don't speak, you become invisible.