Torn with how to feed second baby

[MummyJ36]

When my daughter was born 4 years ago I had a horrendous start to breastfeeding which resulted in a hospital stay for my daughter (bad jaundice caused by rapid weight loss) and postnatal depression for me. It’s a long story but to make it short, I didn’t produce enough milk and nobody would believe me. My daughter lost weight, never ever stopped crying, I was up every waking hour with her and every time I suggested that perhaps she wasn’t getting enough milk from me I was brushed off and told I must continue otherwise I’d dry up altogether. It was horrible and I suffered with postnatal depression which I’m convinced was triggered by this experience.

I’m now pregnant with my second. I vowed I’d never put myself in that position again and would bottle feed from the start but the closer I get to my due date the more I really feel torn about what best to do. My midwives are supportive of my feeding choices whatever they may be, but they’re very insistent that I may want to try breastfeeding when the baby is born and make a decision from there. I’m not sure if I can risk it or not. I also don’t feel very supported with the idea of combo feeding,
most midwives seem to think it isn’t the best idea but to be honest I can’t see a scenario where I’d be comfortable only breastfeeding.

To be honest I think if I was confident enough to say what I wanted to do with feeding I’d be supported either way but it’s probably comes across like I’m undecided (which I am) I’m being given lots of advice which is making me feel very anxious.

I’d really appreciate hearing some firsthand experiences of anyone who has been through anything remotely similar. What did you decide and how did it work out?

I had a bad feeding journey with my first. Did succeed in establishing bf but it was hard and stressful and overshadowed the early days for me so I was wary of it happening the second time and considered ff from the start. Was also worried how bf would impact my 2 year old.

DH pointed out that if I tried bf and it didn’t work I could always switch wholly or partly to ff, but it’s pretty much impossible to do it the other way round, so that’s what I did. Actually wasn’t totally straightforward then either (baby also jaundiced and had tongue tie) but i felt more able to handle it and actually it turned out to be so convenient with my toddler as I could bf anywhere and not have to interrupt my games with him to make up bottles. The baby basically lived in a sling on me and I’d latch her on and keep playing.

Anyway I guess what I’d say is that it’s worth trying bf so you don’t have that “what if”. But don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t work out.

i didn’t have a great start to feeding my first although we did get there in the end. I did consider formula feeding number two and dh suggested it as bf took a lot out of me first time.
I decided to bf again because dc2 was born in lockdown just after the mass baby milk shortages/panic buying and decided not being able to get milk would be more stressful than bf.
I produced gallons of milk from the start only problem was dc has cmpa and it made her ill so we had all the weight loss issues again. A couple of weeks of not eating dairy and all was well. She’s still feeding at two.

Combo feeding is absolutely fine especially when there's the chance bf won't work out anyway. I did not with both no problems. Yes they weaned themselves off the breast in the end but we got a good few months with tip ups rather than stress which surely is better than nothing and left me feeling I'd accomplished something

@MummyJ36 sorry to hear about what you went through. I had the same with the jaundice and weight loss and I was on the cusp of post natal depression diagnosis as I had huge blood loss during my labour and coupled with prolonged sleep deprivation ...it was too much. BF was very painful to begin with and as he got FF in hospital due to jaundice, I never managed to get to EBF. I combo fed the first 10 weeks and now he is not wanting breast at all. I'm sad yes. I have guilt because society tells me to feel guilt yes. But is my baby healthy and gaining weight ? Yes! Shouldn't I be grateful I have this rainbow baby in my arms and not feel guilty about how I'm feeding him? Yes, yes!

My point is, at the end of the day, fed is best! I have really enjoyed that my DH could look after our baby for 5-6 hours every night while I get some sleep and I really needed that for my overall well-being. A happy mum is also priority , don't forget that. If I'm blessed with a second, my plan is to try to BF but I'll be topping up definitely in the first few days with formula as I don't want a repeat jaundice incident. I'm going to see if I can express when my milk comes in so DH can still feed if I have bottles ready but I would never hesitate to use formula for a second if the plan doesn't work out or if BF is constant and affecting my sanity! I hope this helps but I'm not really talking from a second child point of view...just how I feel right now :)

OP Please do not let other people’s judgement influence what you’d like to do. It is so hard to feel like you’re somehow underachieving and giving your baby a bad start in life if you don’t BF.

Like you I had huge issues BF my first and when I was due my second I decided to go straight to bottle feeding. I didn’t want to loose out on the precious bonding time feeding your newborn is- I did loose some of this through the pains of BF with my first. Nor did I want to stress about how the BF would potentially work out during my pregnancy and straight after birth.
Bottle feeding was the best decision ever, I loved every minute of feeding my second, it was such a joy and special bonding experience for baby and me. My husband was also so happy because he saw how different I was this time around.

I actually wrote in my birthing letter that I had made an informed decision to exclusively bottle feed from birth and that I wished for this decision to be respected. Prior to birth midwives had been a little ‘Well, you never know how you feel after baby is born, you might want to try’
But after birth my decision was 100% respected and I was given bottled milk straight after birth. The midwives helped me with how to feed a complete newborn with a bottle- which I hadn’t done before.

PND is not to be joked with. If choosing not to BF this time around makes you feel better just do it.

Sorry you had such a tough time.

Can you speak to a lactaction consultant when baby is here and milk comes in? My session was about 100 quid. Or share your worries now with your midwife as I know some trusts have their own consultant who you can be booked in with.

NHS breastfeeding support can be diabolical depending on area. I wouldn’t be breastfeeding successfully now if it wasn’t for that visit.

I don’t really care how people feed their babies- it’s none of my business- but I suspect there is a large percentage of women who ‘couldn’t’ breastfeed who just weren’t supported or informed properly and expected to just get on with it, which is awful.

I can’t remember the exact study, but it was in the Netflix ‘Babies’ documentary on infant feeding, that if a woman struggled with breastfeeding the 1st baby- there was a much greater chance of success for the 2nd if she tried again (with the right support). Might be worth a watch?

Personally if I could BF I always would x

I struggled with breastfeeding too with my first (also currently pregnant with my second). DC lost weight, it was horrendously stressful and I actually feel quite a lot of guilt for how uncomfortable DC was in the first few weeks (screaming with hunger for hours sometimes and wouldn't sleep). I was also quite depressed and traumatised for the first few months and I think this contributed to it.

This time around, I intend to completely ignore everyone else (I had so much 'advice' and 'encouragement' last time and some of it felt like downright emotional blackmail) and do what feels right for me and the baby. I expect at least at first that will involve a mixture of breastfeeding, expressing and giving formula. Last time around, I did end up combo feeding for the first few weeks before moving to exclusively breastfeeding (and I ended up breastfeeding DC until past 18 months) so I don't believe all the spiel about "you need to persevere, if you give formula your supply will dry up".

Clearly whatever you decide is fine but I did end up finding breastfeeding very convenient in terms of not needing to faff around with preparing bottles!

I combo fed from when the baby was 2 weeks. Thankfully she took the bottle as well as breast. And I ended up breastfeeding until she was almost 3 year old!! Combo feeding is absolutely fine. Relax and listen to your instincts ...

Ps: I did pump quite often in the first year as I didn't want my supply to dry up tho... and pumping can be quite tiring...