August 2021 - They've been here for half a year

[BertieBotts]

Can you believe it! Our lovely little ones are (roughly) halfway to their first birthdays.

Welcome friends old and new for discussion of sleep, teeth, weaning, milestones, navigating post-baby relationships and the whole existential dread of parenthood... I mean those amazing moments when they make your heart melt. Or produce a poo that makes the wallpaper melt. Oh, all of them. Nothing is off limits because it's just good to know that somebody else has been there.

@PurplePansy05 we're doing a BBQ in the garden with friends and family - nothing fancy, we have some garden toys for entertainment (though DH is determined to hire a mini bouncy castle!). I'll make the cake and we'll just do sausages and burgers with salads or something. My NCT are also doing a little party for the group in one of our gardens which should be lovely - though all of us are probably being brave relying on good weather!! Luckily our dog is the most social thing, so he'll be in heaven having lots of people around, and the cat will just make herself scarce until the house is her own again.

For anyone still breastfeeding how are you finding the number of feeds during the day? I'm a bit worried that Rowan isn't getting enough milk as for example today she was fed at 5am, then just had a small feed at 1pm then 5pm. They were very small feeds. She then feeds to sleep and wakes for about 2 feeds during the night. She eats well at meals and I'm not overly bothered about not feeding her as long at its ok that she isn't feeding as much. She'll be 8 months in a week.

I am unsure about reducing feeds at night over the next few months. I know they can go on for a long while yet but I would love to stop feeding her in the next 6 months at least, if not sooner. But I've no clue how to go about it. She refuses the bottle. How else can I get her to sleep? It can be a gradual transition from boob to a cup of milk maybe?

Also, any recommendations for a black out curtain that sticks on the window? We have black out blinds but they still let in light around the edges!

I don't really count feeds, I just sort of trust that he's getting enough and if he's hungry he'll let me know. He probably does feed less in the day these days but he tends to either do really tiny snacky feeds or it will feel like he's having loads at a time so I don't really worry about it.

When I night weaned DS2, he was quite a lot older (over 2) but I just kind of stalled before feeding him at night and made the interval a bit longer over time so first I'd stall for 2 mins, then 5 mins, then 7 mins etc. Once we were at 7-10 mins he was quite happy being cuddled to sleep instead. The problem apparently if you night wean before 12 months is that they might not stop waking, they just want to be settled in another way.

We have blackout curtains from Ikea in DS1's room at his request and they are really impressive. I assumed it would let in light at the edges but it actually doesn't. It's just a normal curtain that goes on a normal curtain rail though.

Sorry checking back in as my ‘I’m on’ has lapsed. I’m still here!

@Ready2020 dd is taking a lot less feeds during the day because she is so nosy she can't bear to not be watching what's going on around her 🙈
But as a result she feeds every few hours at night but then she also isn't eating a huge quantity as still prefers blw
In saying that I almost laughed out loud when I read that according to the formula carton between 7-12 months they should only be having 3 feeds of 210ml per day. I bought it for her starting crèche next week though she won't really take much for me.
In the early days I thought she would just have night weaned herself.. but she's feeding far more at night now than she ever did.

@Ready2020 we've reduced feeds a little, so maybe doing 6 a day now, but all decent feeds. However, he's not taking on much food so I think he's still getting the majority of his calories from milk so can't cut down too much yet! In terms of feeding to sleep, we've done some sleep training - his waking was getting unsustainable! So now I feed at the beginning of bedtime, and the last thing is a cuddle and a song, then he seems to settle himself. Overnight he's having one or two feeds, and I've started limiting them to 10 minutes then giving a cuddle, as otherwise he'd happily go on for about 40 minutes with just the odd little suck for the last half hour - he's adjusted very well to that, as I think he was getting basically all the milk he wanted in the first 10 mins anyway

@biscuitcat are you following a sleep training program? How's it going?
I am reaching the point of it being seriously unsustainable too.
I'm a member of a gym that also has a crèche and ds goes to some kids sport classes on a Saturday morning. I actually booked dd into the crèche for an hour while ds was at one of his classes today just so I could go sit in the cafe with a hot cup of tea and actually eat a slice of toast for breakfast. Feel guilty though as she's starting full time crèche in 2 weeks too

@Smurf123 I'm mostly following one which one of the mums in my NCT sent round (that she had been sent by her friend - it's doing the rounds!). It does involve some controlled crying, but I've reduced that by not following exactly, in the original any night wakes at all you don't feed, but I don't feel as though DS is ready for that yet so I do one or two night feeds depending on time of wake up. I think what's made the biggest difference is not feeding to sleep - so feed at the start of bedtime, then bath (if a bath night, we don't do every night because of his eczema), massage and pyjamas, story, into sleeping bag, song and a cuddle, white noise, bed, and then overnight, time limiting feeds so he fills his tummy but is still falling back to sleep himself. Me not following exactly does mean it's less effective I think - one of my friends has followed strictly and her little one is now sleeping 7-7 most nights, whereas I'm still doing a couple of feeds, but it feels right for me, and anything is better than the 6-wakes-a-night job we had before!

@biscuitcat how are you getting to sleep without feeding to sleep?

It sounds good but if I put dd down in the cot without a feed to sleep she would literally scream the house down.. I've tried shushing and bum patting it just makes her even more frantic🙈

Don't get me wrong it sounds absolutely fantastic !! Dd has been sleeping through the nights until 5 months when we went away for a month and now she's up so many times a night

Don't worry, they are all different and they do these things at different times. Sometimes if I put Alex down after a feed he will go off to sleep but 9/10 he'd just wake up and scream. Even if he's already asleep it's about 50/50 whether he'll stay asleep or wake up. Except at bedtime, he is good at staying asleep at bedtime now.

DS1 I could never... I had to feed him to sleep and sneak away. Even when he was about 3 I had to sit on his bed to remind him to relax so that he could sleep because he literally didn't know how to (in hindsight this was probably because of his ADHD). DS2 was the master baby and would always be put down after a feed and go off to sleep beautifully.

It's definitely worth trying every so often to see if they will do it and sometimes they will. You can also try to break the feed to sleep association if you want to by breaking the latch when they're nearly but not quite asleep and continuing to hold them, so that they start to change the pattern from feed merging into sleep to feed, then sleep. You would break the latch earlier and earlier in the process. Then once they are used to falling asleep in arms after feeding you can try to transfer them to a cot earlier in the process as well. Or you can do this in bed lying next to them so they get used to the idea of feeding then rolling into their own space to sleep.

But also if feeding to sleep is working for you you don't have to encourage them to stop, they do stop on their own at some point so it would only be if you wanted to speed that up.

Ech it wasn't a good evening today. I think that DD is ready to drop a nap. Yesterday she only had 2 naps and went down to bed easy and only woke twice. Tonight she was just far too awake to go to bed. Looking it up its about this age that naps tend to drop to 2 anyway. I guess it depends when she wakes up too.

Oh yes our naps are all over the place but I think two fits best as well.

We also seem to be mostly on two naps, unless they're very short.

@Ready2020 so we did some controlled crying initially, and he's now able to put himself to sleep - I will say it wasn't much fun! But we were honestly in a really unsustainable place with sleep so it was a decision taken out of necessity, which I think was the right one for us. I also cuddle to sleep (that's how we do all of our naps as he contact naps), which in the day has been more effective than feeding for quite a while now xx

@biscuitcat are you able to share it?

I’m not totally averse to controlled crying…it’s only recently, in the last month really, that DS has stopped magically going to sleep within five minutes. Have begun to rely on the dummy and a lot of drawn out shushing and holding down. He’s still a good napper though - we are still on three a day. Nights are getting more broken though - he’s up at midnight and at 4am-ish and we’re both a bit knackered by it.

On a totally different note: help, I don’t know how to dress for the UK any more. It is SO cold but even without the cold, I’ve put on quite a bit of weight over the last three years, gave a lot of my clothes away to charity, got used to ethnic wear, and now have no idea how I’m supposed to leave the house.

Can I ask what you all tend to wear on a daily basis? Eg skinny jeans, cable knit cardigan, t shirt, whatever. All brands and as specific as possible very helpful. I feel totally at a loss.

@random my style might be different but I wear leggings with a dress and thick cardi. I like Joanie and Joules or Popsy. Frugi is good too but I'm still on breastfeeding friendly clothes. I like a bit of colour in my clothes too.

In the house I just wear leggings and a Bshirt with a cardi.

@RandomCatGenerator I'm prob not the best person to ask but my wardrobe generally consists of M&S or next skinny jeans/jeggings and a jumper on top. Currently happy mama jumpers for breastfeeding otherwise next/M&S/ fat face
Hoodies north face etc
Shoes - converse for warmer weather or Ugg style boots for colder weather rocket dog ones.

Coat for warmth - I love love love my rab nebula jacket from Cotswold outdoor!

But I'm not the most stylish and never wear heels unless I'm going to a wedding or something.

Does anyone still rock to sleep or is it just me?! 😭 Honestly sleep is going downhill again, he was awake 3-5 last night and I can’t keep doing it because it’s killing my back in all honestly. I rock to sleep for his naps because he still contact naps twice a day, but I’m at a loss at what to do at bedtime.

I'm not stylish but I feel the cold. IME these things make the difference

Thermal leggings under trousers. Jeans are not as warm as they seem. They seem to "suck" the cold in. Also they are so stiff and uncomfortable. I wear sweat pants, thicker leggings, cords or baggy trousers over the top. I am still using my maternity leggings as the under layer!

Thermal under-layer for torso - long sleeve or vest type. I use nursing/maternity vests but H&M do some great "henley" style tops that button down the front which work well. Then whatever over the top of that - long sleeve top or flannel shirt.

Scarf - dress scarf for at home.

Thick, warm socks

Warm, waterproof shoes (e.g. boots)

Decent coat - I bought a second hand down coat and it's a complete gamechanger. I can actually stand outside without wanting to cry.

@magik01 I feed to sleep but rocking is involved too when she's having one of those nights. I've managed to transition to rocking her when I'm sitting down but sometimes only standing will do. It's tough on the old back certainly! Can you try and slowly sit down as you rock?

I've mentioned it on here before but I'll mention again in case it's useful for someone - introducing a comforter has genuinely been life changing. He will put himself down for a nap, and to bed at night if he has a comforter to suck on/resettle himself during the night. Found out by a total fluke, but it's helped so much. It was always either contact napping here or being pushed around in the buggy, until a month ago and now pretty much all his naps are self settled using a comforter/muslin. I sometimes have to leave him and go out of view because if he can see me that distracts him a bit. Won't work for everyone but worth a try!

@Daffodil21 is it a wee teddy or something? I wasn't sure when we could put something like that in the cot overnight

We now have a crawling baby! But only on carpet, not on the wood floor as it's too slippy.