August 2021 Babies - From Santa to Solids, Hohoho!

[PurplePansy05]

Here we go again!

I'd do another delightful intro, alas I've lost count which thread this is now and we all know our LO's names anyway 😁

So instead I will just say, Merry First Christmas together to you and your LOs! 🎄❤🎁

May the sleep regression pass as soon as they see Santa later this week...

...May they love weaning and may our kitchens survive...

...May 2022 be full of blessings for them and for us ❤❤❤

Oldcomers and newcomers welcome, as always! 🥰

@Daffodil21

Have many of you left your DC's yet? I feel like I'm in the minority having left DS several times with my mum. I often wonder if it's because I've never really formed that bonded attachment or if I'm just totally chilled? Or perhaps both...?

Only with DH. That's because I don't have anyone else to leave him with and absolutely nowhere to go, rather than not wanting to leave him if that makes sense.

I wouldn't do an overnight at this age though and haven't with any of them. That doesn't mean I think it's bad to do it, it is just not something I want to do. Maybe it's different if you are BF multiple times a night (as all of mine have been at this age).

We are also pretty much in lockdown here, so it's v strange for me to even think of going out! That must factor in as well. I know when DS2 was this age I went out to the Christmas market and then a bar for someone's birthday. Went to a Christmas party when DS1 was this age too. Back by midnight like Cinderella :o

I'm torn between thinking I'm being slightly ridiculous and should just do as @PurplePansy05 says and enjoy, and then thinking I'm a terrible mum because I know most people wouldn't dream of leaving them at this age out of choice, and I've done it a couple of times already. He was only 8 weeks old when I first left him overnight. I was back by 10am the next day but still.

If I thought he wouldn't be ok without me around, I wouldn't have left him, but he's totally fine with it...

I think I'm having mum-guilt over not having mum-guilt 🙈

DH was telling me about someone at works wife who was crying all the way to a show they went to when it was the first time they left their twins and I just don't feel like that..? I have actually been wayyyy more chilled after having DS than I thought I would be, so maybe it's just that instead of anything more. Hmm don't know.

Thanks for the car seat advice too!

Daff, don't feel bad. It just depends on the baby, feeding, if you have your mum to stay with the baby or someone else who will take good care of him, and what's good for you. It's ok to take a break. I could have never done it at 8 weeks because he was still cluster feeding and I was sat for hours with my boobs hanging out binging on Netflix. I don't have fond memories of that. It was physically impossible to leave for a few hours at all then. I personally would 100% leave him overnight with my mum now if she lived locally. Not with anyone else though, it's just a matter of trust.

Do you think you have an impostor syndrome a bit, in a sense there's still a slight disbelief he's here to stay which somewhere at the back of your mind doesn't fully allow you to let go with your emotions? I love Leo to bits and am very attached to him as you say, but I definitely have it and I figured out that is due to a fear of losing him lingering from the past. Definitely want to address this anxiety when I start my CBT. Obviously not sure if you feel similar, but what you said sounded familiar.

Bertie, you've cracked me up with the Cinderella comment xx

@PurplePansy05 100% imposter syndrome. I think you've hit the nail totally on the head there, thank you. Yes, I definitely wouldn't leave him overnight with just anyone. Probably only my mum and one of my friends actually. She's more than happy to do it as well as she loves spending 1:1 time just with him, and there aren't many opportunities for that as we live so far away

Exactly, Elliott needs this 1:1 time with her too @Daffodil21 and as it's so rare, they both will cherish it forever. He might not remember this particular time now, but it's building a very special bond between them. My heart aches my mum and son can't do the same, so honestly see it for what it is - a joy. It's precious and it gives you time to recharge, win-win!

Re what you said, it doesn't surprise me. I definitely can't let go IYSWIM. But I'd like to. I'm positive CBT will help. I now had my NHS referral too and will be assessed in the end of January. My initial assessment was PNA, although I think it's anxiety in general, just compounded by his arrival. But interestingly, I scored moderate to severe, you wouldn't say that looking at me IRL. Years of masking that I'm tired of! I truly hope it will help you too, how is your referral going? xx

I also read this on Instagram and ordered her book. If anyone needs to hear these words...she writes beautifully IMO ❤ yes, my eyes are wet xx

@PurplePansy05 well I just got back and my mum said 'I would say he missed you but I don't think he did' 😂 he's definitely totally fine with being left. He's not bothered at all that we're in a totally different house with people he hasn't seen much except on FaceTime. I don't think he's even noticed that daddy isn't here (he will be later tonight). He's such a chilled baby! Re referral - I'm still waiting for a call. I've got a GP app about something else tomorrow so I'm going mention it's again. To be honest if I have to keep waiting I'm just going to go private. It's far too important not to. We'll never get this time back. It's not I'm not enjoying it, I am. I would just like to fully and weightlessly enjoy it if that makes sense. He's such a good baby (not that a 'bad' baby exists!) it's just a shame there's this cloud. I don't know why. It's not that I'm even thinking about the mcs as such, I think it's just as you say, imposter syndrome and disbelief that he's here and he's ok. I spent 9 months thinking the opposite but you'd think 4 months later i'd be a bit more used to it! I also think CBT is the answer. It's weird because I'm not actually anxious at all, aside from the breathing monitor I am actually totally relaxed (maybe a bit too much?!) about him. Glad you've got a diagnosis and treatment plan. Hopefully it'll help you move past your history x

@Daffodil21 Well it's been a long time of worry/denial, its bound to take its toll - it's not that a switch has gone off in our heads once they were born and the world is suddenly full of unicorns 🤣 (I wish!). Weirdly, I'm not obsessive when it comes to his safety now either, even covid doesn't add to it. It's more longer term, I'm not going to tell you all about some nightmares that keep me up at night about what might happen to him one day because that's the last thing any mother wants to hear! But I have some thoughts that one day all this will end and what am I even doing, I better brace myself. It's that and doubting myself regarding how I can juggle things after being back in work, and various general life worries. I think having someone to listen and offer coping strategies will help me regain a clear view. I need to stop thinking about things that will likely never happen and stop worrying about other things that will likely resolve themselves in time. xx

Ladies can I have a moan? I'm irritated by everyone and DH is being a martyr so I can't moan to him. When we got married we double barrelled our surnames and I'm so sick of cards and presents being addressed to Mr and Mrs Hissurname - we even got one for Rowan today addressed to Rowan Hissurname, and I just feel like I'm being forgotten. I can cope with being Mrs (though Ms or Dr are what I actually use) but I hate that my name is just being erased, and not even just by the 'older generation'. Then when I say to DH that I don't like it, he just doesn't get it, or says it feels like I'm upset at him - I'm not, but I want to be able to share I'm upset!!

It doesn't help that I'm totally knackered - Rowan's sleep is still wonky and I've been on my own as DH has been away at work. He just got back today and has gone off for a nap because he's jetlagged - which is normal, but I wish he'd acknowledge that actually it's a bloody luxury which I don't get rather than doing the hurt bunny look when I'm a bit frazzled asking when he'll be up 🙄 tea and sympathy welcome!!

@biscuitcat What do you go by on social media, are you double-barrelled there? My friend had a similar issue, they've resolved it by writing their full names, titles and their address (so Ms Annie A-B and Mr Jacob B and Family, 5 DEF St etc) on the back of each envelope with Christmas cards that they posted until it sank in for most people. If someone asks say it's in the event they have to be returned to sender. My pet hate is when people use my husband's initial, I know it's technically correct, but it's not appropriate, I'm not his property. My blimming boss did it this week, I was astounded! He's 63, not even that old! xx

@PurplePansy05 I've not actually changed at all on social media! That's a great idea about writing it on the back of envelopes, I'll definitely do that. The annoying thing is that DH double barrelled too, so they're actually getting us both wrong 🙄 though of course he minds much less! Yes the his initial thing hacks me off no end - my view is it may have been proper back in the 50s but it isn't any longer, it's outdated and I find it rude. Getting on my high horse here!

On another note, I'm chilling in front of the tv at the moment with Rowan fast asleep on me and watching Call the Midwife, getting all emotional!

@PurplePansy05 hopefully we'll both feel a bit better soon!

@biscuitcat I hate being addressed by my husband's initial too. It always seems to be people of our parent's generation who do it. If I had a title like yours though it would actually annoy me even more!!!

Just did the Christmas food shop with my mum, we loaded the boot up with the shopping, I put Elliot in the car seat, and then realised we still had to pram to go in 🙈😂 so we had to unload the boot and put the shopping all over the car and the pram in the boot. Oops!

@Daffodil21 mid February. I’m a bit nervous about the long (10hr) flight with a six month old but more worried to be honest about the week of it - packing up all our worldly belongings, a three day wedding, posting the cat off to the UK… but it is exciting. It’s time to come back to the UK for a while.

I think I am for sure in the minority in being happy to leave DS with someone. I am just about over the guilt of doing so although found it very very hard at first. We left him overnight - with us still in the house - from when he was a month old, with a nanny who I’ve known for years as she worked for good friends of mine. She had decades of baby experience and is a lovely woman who my friends totally trusted. The other option felt like we were to go mad from lack of sleep, as we have no family at all. I don’t know how any single parent manages not to go quite mad - I was so tired and weepy and I have DH.

We now leave him during the day with the same nanny. I love DS so, so much. But my way of being a good mum to him is to really enjoy the time I spend with him (plus nights) and to be able to do other things during the day (including sleeping).

*no family at all here.

I know I sound very very privileged. It is more normal here to have house help than in the U.K. and my nephew and niece were both pandemic babies and their parents coped. But for me it has been an amazing benefit of being in India and it does make me a better parent to be able to hand him to someone else for a chunk of each day.

Ok I need ideas .. so in-laws are refusing to bring the Christmas tree indoors tonight because it was snowing today and it's wet but Denmark celebrate Christmas tomorrow. Ds is expecting Santa to come tonight and leave him his stocking. Where will Santa leave their stockings if there's no Christmas tree up 😫
Can't do bedrooms as we have never done that and ds is likely to wake at least once during the night.
At home he would be getting all his presents on 25th morning and you know Santa's been because he turns the Christmas tree lights on.
Here we planned on doing his stocking under the tree (which will now not be inside ) with some small toys in it when he wakes to keep him busy during the morning and then he would get to open the rest of his presents after dinner tomorrow night (in a way too civilised fashion for me where you take it in turns to go and choose a present from under the tree then give it out to the correct person everyone watches them open it and then they go choose the next one - it takes hours, there's 7 adults 1 teen 3 kids under3 )
They flipping knew we said he was getting his stocking under the Christmas tree in the morning

Can you make like a ‘Christmas corner’ where the tree would be - string the fairy lights up across the wall or between bookshelves / furniture, maybe add some tinsel, and put the stocking / other presents in a pile in that corner? Could look quite sweet and cosy (but depends on the decor of the house!)

@Smurf123 By the fireplace if they have one?? Or under the bed??? xx

Or actually if the weather is good chuck it under the tree outside first thing tomorrow morning and get DS to find it there? It could be quite exciting! xx

@RandomCatGenerator oh wow that all sounds very stressful! Thank you, you've made me feel a little better about being happy to leave DS.

@Smurf123 we never had the stockings left under the tree as a child. We always had them hung on the door handle of our bedroom doors. I'm not actually sure why, we used to have a fire place as well!

Any help with breastfeeding distraction during the day at all? I feed in the dark bedroom but DD just gets more interested in the pillow or my clothes or anything else. I think it's leading to the extra night feeds.

[quote PurplePansy05]@Smurf123 By the fireplace if they have one?? Or under the bed??? xx[/quote]
Fireplace a lovely idea

They don't have a fireplace unfortunately
@PurplePansy05 I'm very tempted to put them out under the undecorated tree in the garden in the morning if I can manage it without ds noticing 😂
For now I've tied them by the window as that's where ds suggested he leave the cookies and milk. Ds is just so excited I just want it to be perfect for him but in saying that I think he'll be so excited he'll not notice if there's a tree or not in the morning

@Smurf123 if there is a fireplace, that would be perfect! I recognise the agony of that present opening method - we usually do that and it's fine but last year everyone over-bought so there were way too many presents and we were SO over it by the end 😂 think we're planning something a bit quicker this year!

@Daffodil21 in terms of leaving DS, I've so far only left him with DH for a couple of hours and my MIL once for an hour and a half or so while we went to get covid tests - but it's because I'm EBF-ing and he eats just about every 2 hours in the day, if he ate less frequently/was bottle fed I'd feel happy leaving him for a bit longer.

@RandomCatGenerator having a nanny to help sounds totally heavenly! And even better that it also helps you be a better mum. I know I find that I'm not always as engaged with DS as I feel I should be because I feel a bit worn out from the relentless nature of it, so I can so see how it would help