Feeling miserable

[Rhiandrath]

I'm feeling so down as a first time mum and I have no real support to see whether this is normal.

I'm not sure if I'm expecting too much or my baby is actually more challenging than others I read about. Hes 5 weeks and I literally don't get a second where he doesn't want something from me, I struggle to even get a glass of water most days. He is so difficult to settle for naps, it takes hours of different techniques and has started crying for hours a day, it feels like 24/7. When he cries he is inconsolable even though I've literally checked everything, he screams his head off in my face and it pushes me to the edge, I start crying and feel this tight knot inside. I try just cuddling him and he just writes and struggles but doesn't actually want anything. I just had to go in to my partner at 5.30 am and say I need help, I've been trying to put him back to sleep from 2.45 to 6 am and he was only sleeping in 2 hourly slots before that. I know that a baby so young wakes up alot in the night but he is so hard to settle. In the day he sometimes stays awake for hours grizzling. He has times in the day where he seems happy to lie in his basket and smiles at us, I've tried infacol and gripe water, tried massage, bathing, going outside, playing music, swaddling, feel like everything has been exhausted. No point to this post really, just that I'm feeling very down. I'm a really independent person and I like to be out of the house every day down with my horse, I was hoping i could take baby with me but he even screams in the pram and the sling, I feel so trapped and miserable 😓

Poor you. It’s such a tough but super special time. It’s been a long time since mine were little (and also hideously clingy and needy). With my first it was that I’d given birth at 37 weeks and the digestive system wasn’t properly developed. So I think a lot of the screaming was reflux. A lot of the nighttime struggling and screaming was not managing to burp.
I would say that with my second I was lent a stretchy wrap sling and that made life a lot easier. I still had to lug a heavy baby around with my tired body but at least baby was happy being next to me.
Also ask your partner to set you up every day where you feed. With bottles of water and fruit and biscuits and something to read. My friend asked her husband to make her a one handed packed lunch in the fridge too (so something she could shovel in whilst holding/feeding baby). Mine wasn’t that helpful- and has definitely bought into the whole “pregnancy and child birth isn’t an illness and doesn’t need soecial treatment” but it is a really physically and mentally tough time and you need to spell out that you need support.
Good luck with it all. Baby is learning about being out in the world and you are learning how to be a mother. Both very steep learning curves- no wonder you are tired and he wants a lot of comfort.

Ok so first of all I think you need to take him to the GP as it sounds like there’s more going on maybe reflux or a cows milk protein allergy.

Second of all it’s a lonely place sometimes you need to ask for support. A screaming baby and a lack of sleep will make anyone miserable but perhaps speak to the GP about your mood too. I have suffered with PND and can relate to the “knot in stomach” feeling.

Sending you hugs and the mental energy to get through another day!!

Oh also I was going to suggest putting baby in a sling but sounds like you have tried that already.

@jellybean100 thank you, I need it! I may take him to the GP. I think there is definitely some reflux which may be why he isn't keen on being put down. It's so hard to get an appointment and actually see someone at the moment, I called them because I thought he had a temperature and was constipated right at the start and I was given a video call where the doctor basically just said he looked fine but shall try again. I think I need to persevere with the sling. I have a Tula sling which I'm not convinced he is comfortable in, I was thinking of swapping for an ergo baby 360.

@AmberRoseGold thank you for the message I really appreciate it x

I have an ergo and it’s excellent but for around the house I’d suggest a fabric stretchy type wrap! Hope you get an appointment in person😔

Do you have a sling library near you so you can try different slings? Might be cheaper.

Plus I don't know if this will help but if you're doing more than one thing to settle your baby I read they all them sleeping crutches. Rocking, walking, singing. The more you have the more you'll have to do everything. Stick to one and persevere with 1 and it'll be a signal for sleep.
Again don't know if it's useful but we bought a white noise machine which helped a bit and settled our DD for night sleep.
It might be bad but I've been taking DD to bathroom with me. She stays still in her bath chair and doesn't seem to be as upset as when I leave her in bed with SO or in cot or basket.

Hey, i basically sent this same message to someone else but I hope you don't mind me sending this to you too... reading your message trust me i feel the same most days. I'm a single mum of a hard work, tantrum lover, attitude giver, pushing mums buttons goer but gorgeous funny little 2 year old girl.
I have just signed on this today feeling I'm the worse mum too. Moving back with my parents after being married for 5 years and things not working out. I'm struggling big time as I don't know what I'm doing where I am going and how I'm feeling about anything. I feel I'm not doing a good job whatsoever and also feel my daughter is better off with another family instead of an idiot person like me.
All I can say is hang in there, breathe, cry but also love yourself again. You are doing a good job despite the fact you feel you aren't.. it's not easy at all but don't give up on cause your baby does love you just doesn't understand just like my little one doesn't understand why they feel the stress, worry, upset and hurt in you and they way we act round then when we feel like giving up and exhausted and emotionally exhausted. You can do this ok.. just say mummy will be ok and I'm here. Every baby needs their mummy and you are there just got to believe in yourself and say I can do this.. you will still have days where you feel like giving up etc but keep at it and show that baby as much love and support and try and destress yourself from all your worries from feeling like your a bad mum cause your not ok. I'm here if you need support. Big hug everything will be ok just us mums who are struggling just got to keep at it and show ourselves we are better than this. Take care x

You should try putting on some white noise, it settles my newborn to sleep.