Worst mum in the world

[Rosebel]

I'm obviously just shit at being a mum
This morning my baby was crying for 45 minutes despite being cuddled, winded, tummy rubs. In the end I put him in his basket in the hall so I could calm down. My 14 year old comes and picks him up. Instant silence.
So basically my baby prefers his sister to me. Same way he lights up when dad gets home.
I'm obviously doing everything wrong but I'm trying so hard to meet his needs and be a good mum. I'm exhausted all the time, getting about 2 hours unbroken sleep but that doesn't explain why he hates me.
I just want to leave home, it's only the fact that my husband would be angry with me if he found me that stops me.
Deep down I know my older two would be fine with their dad and obviously my baby would be happier too.
Wish I could walk away but I'm too stupid to even do that. I have never believed it will get better or the lies my husband tells me (like he does love you or you're just stressed). Sat here in floods of tears just wondering if I should call SS and ask them to take my baby to somewhere where he'd be happy.
Worst mum ever.

OP please talk to your husband (or someone else you can trust) about how you’re feeling- you do not deserve to feel so desperate. I can tell you 100% that your baby does not hate you, but you need to get some help. You’re obviously trying very hard, and things will get better! 💐

Could you have pnd? I felt that my dd hated me. She’d smile at everyone else including complete strangers, but not me. She’d scream her head off for me, but nobody else. Once I started on ads the world became colour and I knew she didn’t hate me, she loved me.

You’re not the worst mum ever. You’re a great mum. You’re doing everything you need to be doing, and I promise you it will get better, and your baby does not hate you.

How are you doing?
Your post broke my heart. I really hope you have someone to talk to and if not please talk to us ❤️

I'm not depressed on the true sense just depressed that my baby dislikes me so much. He's my last baby and I wanted so much to make the most of it.. Obviously we can't because of lockdown but I wouldn't mind if I thought I was making my baby happy but only everyone else can do that.
I just want my baby to love me as I love him so much but think all my children would be better off without me.

I promise that's not true. Your baby knows your better than anyone in the world and loves and needs you. Could you talk to your GP? Babies go through phases, which you know, and there are such hard times. No one is as important to him as you are you don't deserve to feel this way. Share what you're thinking with your GP or husband or a good friend. When you start talking it through out loud it helps your thoughts become so much clearer, it's not good to have these thoughts on your mind and no one to share them with. Things will get better, you sound like such a loving mum x

Thanks for your kind words. I find it hard to open up I'm RL. My husband makes me feel worse (not on purpose( because he'll say things like of course he loves you but will sometimes say things like well all.babies have a favourite parent or I've always been a natural with children (this is something his nan told me all.the time with our eldest which made me feel shit). I.just feel useless when my baby cries and I can't settle him but my.husband can. Think I must be doing something wrong.
Everyone else thinks I'm coping well and I don't want to admit I'm not.I don't know what's best anymore, so tired.

I think you should get some sleep (if you can get the time off!). I get what you mean about it being hard to ask for help, esp if everyone thinks you're doing well - which I'm sure means you are, i reckon you just need a good rest and if you can, a chat with your GP, lots of people find it hard to open up in RL. You don't deserve to feel low, and have these worries.

If it's too hard to say you need a good rest, then maybe say it's a physical reason (like you've got back ache) and take some time for a bath and a good sleep if you can.

Children may well have favourites but at different times, for different phases, but no one is ever the same as their mum! I'm sure your partner means well and it's great his confidence is so high but don't forget to remind yourself of what you have done well, even if there's just one thing that's gone well that day! In the early days of juggling more than one child that is a really big achievement!! x

This reminds me of when they get a bit older and play up for their mums but are little angels for everyone else. Mum loves you whatever.
Op please talk to someone about your mental health. I know you think it's not that bad but you deserve to get help and feel better. Your baby loves and needs you very much even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

Just to reiterate there are so many reasons why your baby might cry for you more than others. Less familiar faces - startled into quiet. You smell of milk so there's a permanent low-level whining for a feed. Lots of reasons more likely than your own baby disliking you!

How are you getting on OP? I felt like this too and even googled getting my baby adopted so that she could be with better parents. It was just a phase and we both love each other to bits

Hey, reading your message trust me i feel the same most days. I'm a single mum of a hard work, tantrum lover, attitude giver, pushing mums buttons goer but gorgeous funny little 2 year old girl.
I have just signed on this today feeling I'm the worse mum too. Moving back with my parents after being married for 5 years and things not working out. I'm struggling big time as I don't know what I'm doing where I am going and how I'm feeling about anything. I feel I'm not doing a good job whatsoever and also feel my daughter is better off with another family instead of an idiot person like me.
All I can say is hang in there, breathe, cry but also love yourself again. You are doing a good job despite the fact you feel you aren't.. it's not easy at all but don't give up on him cause he does love you just he doesn't understand just like my little one doesn't understand why they feel the stress, worry, upset and hurt in you and they way we act round then when we feel like giving up and exhausted and emotionally exhausted. You can do this ok.. just say mummy will be ok and I'm here. Every baby needs their mummy and you are there just got to believe in yourself and say I can do this.. you will still have days where you feel like giving up etc but keep at it and show that baby as much love and support and try and destress yourself from all your worries from feeling like your a bad mum cause your not ok. I'm here if you need support. Big hug everything will be ok just us mums who are struggling just got to keep at it and show ourselves we are better than this. Take care x

OP, reading this I am dragged back to the first 8 weeks after my son was born (he's now 8 years old)
He was a gem for EVERYONE else, and cried non stop for me. He seemed to be able to sense my low mood and my frustrations and fed off it.
Obviously I was stressed, I had a 4 year old to keep amused, a house to look after, a useless husband (now very much an ex) I used to have to sit upright with baby on me all night because he had awful reflux and couldn't be laid down so I was knackered and in a lot of pain.
It felt never ending and I absolutely hated my life...... but it's not forever. I promise you that. I'm not normally one to throw sayings about but the only one that gets me through is "this too shall pass"
Let your oh look after baby for a bit, take some proper "you" time. Would it be possible to ask them to sleep downstairs one night so you can get some decent kip?
Do what you need to do but please stop beating yourself up. You've just grown an entire human. You're recovering still.
You are amazing. Be kind to yourself. Xx

Iv felt recently that my baby did not like me too. Never cracked me a smile all day and then daddy came home and lots of smiles and giggles. Felt awful.
Recently it's changing. I'd say give it time.
Xx

Thank you so much all of you.
My baby is now 24 weeks which seems unbelievable and things are getting better. I still have lots of self doubt but now I get more smiles and cuddles than I used to.
He still prefers his dad to me but I'm beginning to think it might be partly to do with the fact I'm with him all the time so when dad comes home or his sisters do he's excited because it's someone new.
Back at work myself in about 6 weeks which I'm dreading and know I'll miss him so much and wondering how things will be then.