When you get help... but only with conditions

[RunningAroundAgain]

So I've just had a bit of a falling out with my parents, and it reminded me of being a teenager! I'm 12 weeks postpartum, and they've INSISTED on taking both kids (toddler and newborn) one day a week, which means I've a whole day to myself (11am to 5pm) which is amazing, and I really don't want to sound like an ungrateful bitch! But I was very excited about it, and had all these plans on how I would spend that day each week - clean the house, get some stuff sorted that I can't do with kids around, and maybe go for a nice walk and a coffee.

However, they said they wanted me to spend that day resting/sleeping. Just to note, I never, EVER, complain to them about being tired/night-feeds/juggling it all- I feel so lucky to have 2 perfect children, and it's all completely normal to be busy and tired. But I probably look like shit with dark circles etc! I don't really care though.

They just don't understand why I don't go to bed, and they get really annoyed if I say I have plans for the day (as above). And then they'll start "does your husband not help with the housework?" (he does, and also works full time), but I'd rather we spend our weekends doing things as a family, and "can you not ask the in laws to do another day". Erm, no I'm not going to ask, especially when i don't feel like I need another day...I just wanted to take their offer of one day a week to spend how I want without conditions! Just to note, his parents do offer to help and I do pop over for a couple of hours maybe every 2nd week.

So my plan was to just start lying to them and pretending I'd slept all day, but then they wanted me to sleep upstairs in their spare room because "what's the difference", and that's what led to the argument because I kept making excuses and they thought I was being ungrateful.

Anyway, maybe I'm just hormonal or having the post partum blues but I'm feeling really angry about the whole thing, and would rather just refuse the help.

Urgh, how ridiculous.
I have had this to a lesser degree when my mum has come round to watch my newborn and she wants me to go for a nap but what I want to do is have a shower and flick around with the Hoover. I'm not a tidy person by any means but the mess of the house when I'm in it all day every day feeding is getting me down.

What I said to my mum was something along the lines of "If I spend a few hours doing stuff today it means I can really make the most of the little bits of time I get throughout the week and chill then, regular rest is much more helpful". You can't save up sleep or rest but you can get all your house work done in one go and free up other time. Maybe that plan would convince your parents too?

I agree with you, I would want to get my stuff done or atleast choose whether I wanted to sleep or do something else.

I would love a day to myself! Like you I would rather get on top of the housework without having the toddler underfoot or catch up with friends. A tidy house would make me feel a lot better than sleeping all day because if I slept all day it would throw me off sleep that night and I'd feel more tired the next day! I have a lot more energy in the morning than I do in the evening so would rather blitz it all in one go than leave it to do late evenings after the kids are in bed on the other days of the week.

Also, catching up with a friend and feeling like yourself for an hour or two over a cuppa (as opposed to being "mum") can be just as revitalising as a nap!