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Can feel it starting all over again

1 reply

Rosebel · 08/07/2020 13:20

I have been admitted to hospital with blood clots. Came in last night and told I could go home, then I couldn't. Told I can go home today now I can't. Have now been told tomorrow but I bet it won't be.
I want to go home. I know my baby will have forgotten me when (if) I go home. He'll have a lovely time bonding with his dad and sisters and just forget me. Not that it matters.
I'm so sad. Pregnancy was horrendous ending in emergency c section, my baby was jaundiced and not feeding and needed tests so we were in hospital for 5 days. He was readmitted once for not feeding.
Finally that is sorted but now I'm in hospital and don't even have my baby. I'm allowed one visitor but don't have anymore.
I can feel this crushing depression taking hold. I had PND with my first and I am worried it's going to happen again. I feel so shit.
My little boy is only 3 weeks and me fucking off when he's so little will probably affect him long term.
I have tried talking to my husband but he doesn't get it, probably because he's bonding with his son.
I just want to go home. I just want to shake the feeling of being so sad and feeling like the shitest mum ever.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SleepyHeid · 09/07/2020 19:23

Hey,

Did you get discharged today? You are not a shit mum, you're where you need to be right now (as hard as that is without your baby). As soon as you get home, have an extended period of one-to-one time with your newborn and loads of skin to skin to reaffirm that bond. Also, give your midwife a call to discuss how you're feeling. If you feel that PND is creeping in then you want to nip it in the bud sooner rather then later.

I hope you're home with your family and feeling a bit better x

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