Anxiety with rainbow baby after miscarriage

[LouH1981]

Hi all,
I’m not really sure where to post this so I’m hoping it’s ok here.
Just looking for advice from those in a similar position. I have a 5 year old son who came along very easily and then we struggled TTC a sibling.

Two years ago today I lost a baby at 11 weeks. I had some counselling but never really ‘got over it’ (do you ever?). Thankfully, we conceived last year and my beautiful happy little girl was born in November.

I’ve always been a worrier but since she was born I’ve been terrified that something will happen to her. I feel almost as if the universe didn’t want me to have another but somehow I have cheated the system and something is going to happen to her. (I know how ridiculous this sounds). The pregnancy was obviously fraught with worry but I thought as soon she was born it might put a few demons to bed. But instead, I immediately felt terrified that something was going to happen to her. She lost a lot of bodyweight after the birth and this triggered a huge hormonal/lack of sleep breakdown in the hospital a day or two after she was born. The midwives were so lovely and understanding.
Now, I lie awake during the night making sure I can hear her breathe. Not helped by the fact that she now turns on to her tummy and I worry about SIDS. Or I worry she will develop some kind of childhood illness and not survive. It becomes quite consuming and I find myself in tears quite a bit. I still can’t believe she is here. I also worry I might pass my anxiety on to her unwittingly as she gets older.
Does anyone else who has been in a similar situation feel the same?
Does it get better over time? What did you do to help?
I don’t believe I have any kind of post natal depression. I am, on the whole, very positive but I just can’t shake these thoughts when they take hold.
Any advice would be awesome please x

I had 3 MCs back to back before I conceived my twins, I didn’t really enjoy my pregnancy much at all because I was just so anxious and worried the whole time. It’s very hard to shake off those memories of bad news in the scanning room and I honestly could hardly ever visualise them being here, it was like I spent the pregnancy worried it would all be snatched away from me.
I went on to develop PND when they were born which in hindsight now I feel was almost inevitable! But I feel so, so much better now. I still find myself worrying about them especially at night but have also become more contented overall as a parent.
Honestly what I found helped most was just talking to people about how I was feeling; I told the GP who was lovely but also DH and my NCT group, my sister. You certainly won’t be alone in your feelings, and just knowing you have people to talk to helped me an awful lot.
Hope you’re feeling better soon and congratulations :)

You are suffering with anxiety. I think you need to talk to your health visitor or doctor.