Isolated during maternity/adoption leave

[doco84]

We (two dads) adopted a little boy in February 2020, which feels just incredible. We're based in Manchester. We were both off for 3 months and overall it was a good few months because with lockdown it meant we bonded really intensely and our little boy is well attached to us now. But, my partner went back to work this week and it's suddenly feeling a bit much. Our little boy naps for 30 mins in the day (he does sleep all night which is just brilliant) so it's an intense 8-6pm the two of us. We're new to area so I don't have lots of other parents I can call upon to go for a walk or anything. Now I'm feeling guilty about ever putting CBeebies on as I feel like a bad parent, and feel like it's going to be another bad few months ahead until playgroups can restart.

Not really asking for a solution but wanting to vent as feeling sort of lonely. I know that it wont be high up on Government agenda, especially as not as essential as schools, but I think some priority needs to be given to playgroups as parents on maternity/adoption leave are so vulnerable this time, especially if you're not living that close to family.

Congratulations on your son! How old is he now?

I wasn’t ever a fan of baby groups, went to two and didn’t get much from them.

What your day looks like depends on how old your little one is. Do you want some ideas?

Thank you for message. It feels like an absolute dream, he is so wonderful. He's 18 months but due to delays and having been unwell for a lot of that, he's developmentally around 12 months. Would love some ideas if you have any!

I think it's that situation of when something doesnt happen as you expected it, you really imagine the loss of it. Like as I'm not going to baby groups, I feel like I'll never be part of a parents group and have that support. It's catastrophising really when I think about it.

Are there any online groups you could join? Our local coffee group has been meeting on zoom, and it isn't as good as in person but does add structure to the day and gives a chance to talk a little bit with other parents about stuff like how you love the baby but miss showering!

Also congratulations on the adoption, you sound like a lovely father

I have a new baby and missing all the groups/social elements I’d anticipated.

I do baby massage and baby yoga on Zoom from local providers. It’s better than nothing. Can you ask on Facebook or something to find out what’s local to you? Then you’ll have “friends” when things reopen in person.

Have a look whether any local baby/toddler groups are doing online classes. Obviously you don't really get the social aspect but it's nice to have a structured activity to break up your day. Try and get out for a walk each morning as well.

Don't over do it but maybe at the weekend try and plan 2-3 activities for the week ahead. Some suggestions:

• messy play (will need to be safe to eat at that age, could use jelly, cereal, you can make sand type stuff)

• sensory play - any light/projector you may have, instruments, interesting things for him to feel/play with (emergency foil blankets are good and cheap!)

• ball pit

• paddling pool

• singing nursery rhymes. You might like to incorporate some baby signing into this as well? Particularly if he's a little delayed that might really help his communication.

There is a petition about toddler and baby groups which you may like to sign: petition.parliament.uk/petitions/331261
Congrats to you both of your LO!