YOURE 12 DAYS OLD WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING SLEEP?!

[SexlessBoulderBelly]

12 days, I’m watching your eyes get heavy then you shake it off and start to grunt.

You can see approximately 12 inches in front of you, it’s nighttime, bed time. What is there to possible want to stay awake for, DD?

Go to bloody sleep.

it is because I don't yet understand that this feeling of tired will go away due to succumbing to this horrible oppressive sensation. I want the tired to go away. I plan to scream at it until it goes away because that should scare it off.

I’ve been gentle patting your bum for over 15 minutes. My hand no longer feels like my own.

You’re slowly dropping off. But I won’t stop patting until I’m sure you’ve gone.

Oh no wait eyes are open again.

Go to bloody sleep, DD.

I’ve heard a familiar squit, and felt a familiar rumble, right where my hand pats.

You’ve shite, DD.

Have you done it on purpose to stay awake longer and have another cuddle after a bum change?

I think so.

Persevere I tell myself. Keep patting. It’s what the midwife said to do. 10 minutes max she said, that’s all it takes.

DD, go to bloody sleep.

I’ve hobbled out of bed, post section abs weak.

Laid out a nappy, wipes and mat.

You are asleep.

If she’s not crying but just awake, can you let her be? With DS2 I was forced to often leave him because DS1 needed something more pressing and I would often finish and return to find him asleep. In my head, second time around all the patting and shushing was to get them to a drowsy point but then he could fall asleep on his own, whenever he wanted. As long as he wasn’t squawking I would just ignore and even sit with my phone and MN. Some days it would take longer to fall asleep, some days the squawking would resume. But if you tell yourself that your job is to get them drowsy and comfortable but not ‘put them to sleep’ it might make you feel less murderous about it all
PS Have you read the book ‘Go the F to Sleep?’

So in that first instance you say you won’t stop patting till she is asleep. What happens if you do but leave one hand there for a bit, and then withdraw it? Will she scream or lie there awake but drowsy? And in ten minutes you can repeat more gentle holding of the bum rather than patting (which might reawaken her if she’s drowsy- I can imagine someone patting my bum suddenly when I am semi asleep would re awaken me). And then just sit there. None of this matters if she’s screaming bloody murder if you stop. Then you gotta keep the patting going.
Ah the newborn days. I do not miss them.

I haven’t but I have heard of it, I might give it a read lol.

She doesn’t really cry, but I try not to let it get to the point when she’s crying as feels like it’s harder to come back from that. She just grunts, a lot. She’s a small baby (4.5lbs) by c section early, so she’s quite mucus-y which I was told was normal considering her circumstances. I think that’s why she struggles to sleep at the moment, she sounds terrible sometimes I can hear it all rattling around in her throat/chest.

She sleeps a dream during the day too, not a peep for hours and needs waking for a feed sometimes. She probably has her days and nights confused.

When she starts to fall asleep I slow the patting to a stop and leave my hand there to gauge how asleep she is, if she stirs then I slowly begin patting again but work back up so I don’t startle her. If she doesn’t move then I take my hand away.

It’s still early days and I tend to do a night shift with her, she goes down easy around 6am, then when I wake up around 8/9am DP is already downstairs with her taking over the day shift and leaving me to catch up on lost sleep. I think we have a good thing going for now but he’s back to work on Wednesday and I’m terrified of doing it all on my own all day!

Babies grunt. Newborns grunt like pigs. It doesn’t mean anything. It just means they grunt. (I had one v premature baby and a 5lb er!)
To swap day and night. Wake up every 90 mins in the day and offer a feed. And keep her downstairs with lots of noise.
Beyond the last feed around 6/7 give her a bath or a warm massage or both and then keep her in the dark till 6/7 am even if she wakes up repeatedly. DH got v good at pooey nappy changes in the dark. Mine took about 6-7 weeks to fall asleep after night feeds and get day/night sorted.
Don’t worry too much with the stirring and grunting. It’s how they learn to self settle. Mine used to wake up, look around, make noises and then fall back asleep.

Try another technique if patting doesn’t work. I either walk around and pat her back or put her on top of my legs lying sideways and move my legs side to side (this is my late night lazy option when my arms are tired from holding her already). I can do it sitting in my bed and legs stretched out. She usually settles with this one if the other way doesn’t work etc. She never settles if I just lie her there and pat her. Mine is 5 weeks old .

Took me months to work out what works. Remember how scared and insecure they are. Be patient and close and she'll learn to feel secure.