How long did it take you to adjust to having a newborn?

[AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps]

My DD is 1 week old.

its been the longest week of my life.

I'm omagining the future and wondering how long it took you all to adjust to your new life? it's daunting. Just the thought of DH going back to work is a bit too much. We can hand DD over to deal with thing - i wont be able to that soon.

I'd say about a year. I'd have days/weeks when I felt okay but never felt "fully back to normal" until dd was around 12 months.

It's shitty cos everyone tells you to enjoy this time as they don't stay little for long, but you're trying to get over the trauma of the birth, in pain, not very mobile, baby is at its most demanding.. it's really hard!

I have a 7 month old and I'm in a good routine with her, she's a darling. It took me about 6 weeks before I felt comfortable going out alone with her, took about 4 months for me to really get the hang of it all and to feel myself again. That probably seems like so far away to you right now but it honestly flys by. Keep telling yourself each stage is just temporary! It gets easier I promise!

Reading with interest as my little lad is 2 weeks tomorrow! I'm breastfeeding and dh gives him formula once in the morning and once in the evening to give me a little break. I'm kind of dreading him going back to work in the new year ☹️ Luckily my parents live close by and will be popping in and out. I also live close to work, so although I have a year off, I'll probably be going up the road to see them as well.

I keep getting upset feeling like I'm not doing enough... Like, enough around the house, enough with the baby, just generally. But I know in my head that's a bit daft, little one is doing well, gaining weight (he was 4 weeks early via c section) and is mostly pretty content. It doesn't stop me from bursting into tears randomly though 😂☹️

I think the first month is hard but the first week or two is the hardest as they're feeding a lot, you're getting used to each other and sleep deprivation! However sat here with my 3 month old it seems like a lifetime ago already and I miss those early days which whilst hard went fast. Make the most of just cuddling, looking at and smelling your newborn. This is my second so I made a concerted effort to do this and it's still gone too fast though I do wish they'd let me poo/eat without crying!

@Fivebyfive2

I have learnt that, as long as DD and I are fed and clean. The rest can wait.

Also I am napping/dozing at least once in the day when DD does. But she's usually with someone having a cuddle. So might need to 'test' a nap session with her in the Moses basket.

I'm still dreading DH retuning to work. But it's not until the 6th now, whereas he was due back on the 28th.

Honestly, I only started to enjoy motherhood when I stopped breastfeeding when baby was 3 weeks old. I felt less restricted, less drained, husband could immediately do so much more to help and baby settled miles better and started sleeping much longer periods. I know so many get so much joy out of breast feeding but I felt for my own mental health I needed to stop and it was an instant improvement.

Aside from that it really does get better once you recover from the physical side of labour, once I felt better in myself I felt like that was half the battle.

@Tiddlertoddler, I've made it two weeks with bf so far, but can see myself giving more formula after a while maybe... although I do really enjoy the actual feeding (how excited he gets at my boob and the faces he makes when he settles after are hilarious!) I am struggling with feeling a bit of pressure... Like, he will take a bottle but prefers to be on me. It makes me worry about leaving him etc. Although it's early days I know.

@AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps, you're definitely right, it's a case of priorities! Clean and fed are the main ones and they're being met so we need to just chill about the rest for a little while 🙂

@Fivebyfive2 oh totally if you are still enjoying it I would absolutely keep it up, I was just struggling (baby lost a lot of weight breast feeding and I had had a very long labour - induction, labour lasting 2 days then still ended up being a c-section) so I felt like I just wasn't recovering getting up constantly in the night to feed whereas once I started using formula my husband got up for a good few nights to try to let me sleep and recover. And I just felt baby was immediately more settled but she was a big baby and just needed that bit more than I could give.

DS is almost 14 weeks and I was a mess until he was about 8 weeks. They say the ‘fourth trimester’ or the first 100 days are the hardest. I found reading Naomi Stadler’s What Mothers Do as an ebook on my phone really helped me feel better as it has lots of quotes from new mums feeling the same. One thing right now is that your hormones are making you search for problems - it’s a human survival strategy for new mums to try to make their environment is as safe as possible, so even if everything is fine you will feel stressed and anxious. You’re keeping a look out for dangers and being a great mum by doing it! So feel proud of those horrid feelings - they are helping you be an awesome parent.
Another thing is that you will feel better if you make peace with the knowledge things will never be as they were ‘before’. You’re a new person now so everything in your new normal will be a bit different. But you can think about all the things you used to love before baby and try to think of ways to have those things in your new life with baby. Time helps with this, and as others have said you need to focus on what’s realistically achievable at present for you; physically, socially and emotionally.
Hope this helps!