Struggling to bond with my 3 year old

[SB2017]

I have a 3 and a half year old son and a 12 week old daughter. I have been really struggling at the moment with my son. He is a good boy and after getting over the initial jealousy he felt when the new baby arrived he has been ok but I’m seriously struggling to bond with him again. I had such a great relationship with him but now I feel really disconnected. I drop him off at nursery as he does mornings every day and then when I pick him up I don’t want to play with him or really do anything with him. He always seems to want me when I’m trying to feed my daughter and she is suffering badly with colic so she takes up a lot of my time at the moment. I feel like I’m always cross with him, telling him off and I just don’t know how to get better. It’s almost as if I have post natal depression with him! When I do an activity with him I don’t feel like I’m really enjoying it and I’m forcing myself too. He is a happy boy but I can tell that he gets really upset with me, especially when I shout at him. My mood just dramatically changes and if he is just slightly irritating I snap at him. I want to get better but I actually dread picking him up from nursery because I feel like I’m affecting him. Any help out there as I’m so upset with myself and I’m struggling.

Could you possibly have post natal depression? It doesn't solely affect your bond with the new baby - it can easily affect existing relationships with your partner/husband and previous children.

I have thought about post natal depression but I just don’t understand it. How can I not feel the same way towards my son? I don’t get the change

I had the same with my six year old and newborn. It took about 6 months before my previous feelings for him recovered. Our bond is back to the way it always was now. I think it is a fairly common phenomenon. Stay strong.

Thank you Kittensandrainbows. My health visitor is helping me as I have post natal depression. Hopefully over time my bond with him will get better

Can you put you newborn in a Ali g and give your attention to ds? I realise you are not enjoying it, but he needs it and you might feel better if you know you’re meeting his needs more like you used to.

It is tough though. I remember wanting to take my newborn and run away from my toddler. It had all turned round by about 5 months though.
Best of luck with it op x

I think I read on here before that it is a biological/hormone type thing, that makes you want to focus all your energy on your newborn as obviously they are more dependent on you.
Mention it to your HV but if your bond was good with your son before the baby came I’m sure it will get back to normal soon.