Husband not helping with baby

[MummEE2]

Since the birth of our son I started noticing how messy and lazy my DH really is! I guess previously it didn't bother me as much as I could tidy up myself but now that I have a 7 week old to look after and am breastfeeding pretty much non stop I can't do some of the housework anymore with a baby attached to me. He is a very clingy baby who likes being held and otherwise just cries. He also does not really sleep during the day.

I do what I can, such as hoovering with the baby in a sling and do everything for our 10 year old.

My husband works and begrudgingly cooks tea but then leaves plates everywhere and doesn't wash up until I ask him to (and even then he'd say he'll wash up the plates the next day, therefore leaving them there all night and following day until he's back from work). He'd rather play on his play station and for hours drink beer in evenings whilst all I do is look after the children non stop 24/7.

I've been close to giving up BF because of how little help I get and feel overwhelmed. I have told him how I feel but there's been no change. He helped out with the baby in the first 2 weeks but now he might change one nappy a week and every time DS cries he hands him to me straight away.

I don't know what to do but I'm resenting my husband and feeling like a single mum

You are going to have a showdown with him which will leave him in no doubt as to how you feel and how immature he is. You really cannot go on like this. If there is anyone to whom you are both close, who will back you up, that will help.

Good luck & x 2.

Difficult to address if he can’t see it.
I would get ‘I have worked hard all day , I need to relax’.
I then went back to work when baby was 6 weeks old. This was an eye opener for him.
DD had colic, I would hand him a screaming baby at 5.30 pm. I would work 6- midnight.
I would then return to a baby just settling.
I never had any issues with not sharing housework again.
Could you leave the children with him for a period of time?

I had this with my husband when we had our first baby who took a lot of work. The mess doesn't bother him and I honestly don't think he could see why I was upset/feeling taken advantage. With feeling shattered and emotionally drained I thought we'd end up breaking up.

Anyway, I'd have preferred him to listen and pull his weight but since he wasn't I suggested that he arrange a cleaner and pay for them each week. We use my account mostly for our joint finances but he keeps some in his for stuff he wants (video games mostly ) so it meant he was paying rather than our joint money. It stopped the majority of our arguments but probably not an ideal solution.

Things got a lot easier as the baby got a bit older, hang in there.

How much (or rather little) does the 10yo do? At his age I’d expect him to know how to prepare a basic tea for himself but if he can’t be trusted then put him in charge of the clean up / washing / vacuuming once a week and make any pocket money dependant on it if needed.

Also a slow cooker is good for getting dinner on as you just chop and stick it in without any hot pans so you can do it with baby in a sling any point in the day. I used it a lot for the first few months with this baby. Just make sure if you're sorting dinner that he then helps with something else though!

Agree, use slow cooker, or prep everything in the morning for evening meal.
I used my Tupperware triple stacker a lot

Thank you all for the replies and suggestions. I plan to join the gym today and told DH he'll have to stay with the kids whilst I go 2x a week. Won't solve housework issue but will give me space to breath and a break. I'm slightly nervous about how he'll cope with the baby but fingers crossed will be ok. The thing is I think he realises how difficult it is looking after the baby that's why he hands him to me when DS cries..but I think he thinks it's easier for me as I'm BF so got the magic of breast.

10 yr old is not much work at all (luckily) and she actually helps me with giving DS cuddles if I need a shower etc but I'm mindful that she's a child herself and needs attention sometimes as the household has changed drastically since baby's arrival and don't want her feeling left out. I will speak to her if she's willing to do some housework for pocket money. Fingers crossed she'll say yes

That's a good call. It can be very suffocating when you have a baby attached to you almost constantly, the time apart will give you a break. You'll presumably only be gone an hour or two, even if your son is upset the whole time it's not that long for your husband to cope. I'd just leave him a list of ideas he can try if he needs to soothe the baby (walk in the pram, bath, car ride, sling etc.) so he's got different things to try if needed.

I realised afterwards with my husband that him handing the crying baby off to me was as much about confidence as laziness. Looking after her alone made him realise that he could settle her and find ways that worked for him.