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Post-natal clubs

Join our Postnatal Clubs forum to find parenting advice for newborns.

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Original poster

First time mum - what am I doing wrong?

20 replies

SamJay1990 · 19/02/2018 18:45

Hi all just after some advice, any tips or thoughts will do!

Our baby girl is 5 weeks old and I love her to bits but.. my gosh! I don't know what I'm doing wrong really, whenever she is awake she's unhappy and it's really getting me down.

Shes formula fed and has been a greedy one since birth, we had to put her on hungry baby as she was needing too much milk and throwing it back up. The hungry baby worked for a few days as she started to go longer between feeds, however that soon changed and now she's taking 5oz of it every 2 hours! She doesn't sleep in between either, today she slept a total of one hour all day, when she's screaming if I pick her up to comfort her she just gets worse. Throwing her arms around like crazy and her legs kicking like mad. I make sure she's warm enough, clean, fed, cuddled but nothing seems to work.

I have thought that she may be in pain, I try rubbing her stomach ect, she winds just fine, but seems to tense up a lot and lift her legs. I just want to help her and don't know why I can't comfort my own baby.

Any advice x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

QforCucumber · 19/02/2018 18:46

It's worth seeing the gp about reflux, the sickness and screams are big flags for it

HotCrossBunFight · 19/02/2018 18:49

How are her nappies? I think the hi get baby formula can make them a bit clogged up and that may be giving her a tummy ache. If she's doing nice soft poos pretty frequently that won't be an issue though.

I imagine she might be over tired. My twins are 6m old and nap a lot more than an hour each day. Convincing a baby she's tired is a whole different matter though.

Have you tried a sling or a walk in the fresh air? That often settles mine for a good sleep.

YouCantCallMeBetty · 19/02/2018 18:53

Second a sling or going for a walk, my 3 month old very rarely settles in her Moses basket for a nap but will sleep for hours in a sling.
Also agree it's worth exploring the reflux idea.
Is it possible she's having too much milk? Bottle fed babies find it hard to regulate their intake so can guzzle more than their tummies can hold and then be sick.
How's weight gain and nappies?
Lastly I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong, it can just take a while to figure out what works and then it bloody changes

Original poster

SamJay1990 · 19/02/2018 18:59

She has 1 or 2 poops a day that's been the case since day 1, they are very full nappies! Soft poop of the right colour ect. She has sounded very mucusy since birth, c section, every time I've asked the midwife they said it's fine and normal, but I'll get a second opinion from GP as it's not improved at all and sounds awful after a feed. I have thought reflux too maybe, I have an appointment very soon for check up so will see what they say.

She must get over tired as she looks knackered the poor thing, I can see her eyes going and trying to sleep but it's as if something is waking her making her cry.
I'll be honest I've only been out with her once as the recovery has taken its toll, but I think I'm also afraid too incase she screams the entire time. :-(

OP posts:

Original poster

SamJay1990 · 19/02/2018 19:02

Shes been piling on the weight each time, and never lost any. Born 7lbs10 and is now 10lbs3 so no problem there, she is frantic when being fed, as if she hasn't eaten before, really guzzles it down and I've tried to slow it down, but she screams, also when taking out to wind her she really goes ballistic, the midwife was quite shocked to see how fast she fed! I'm trying paced feeding but it's difficult trying to get it right

OP posts:

Unescorted · 19/02/2018 19:05

I wished there was a user manual with mine. Don't beat yourself up about doing "it" wrong as there is no right or wrong (I am assuming you are not abusing or deliberately neglecting before anyone decides to point that out). Most people muddle along.
Some babies are docile (DD) and parents get a smug grin on and tell you exactly what the issue is and how it can be fixed. Other babies are the opposite and nothing seems to work (DS)

I had a mental checklist - nappy, hunger, tired, temperature, bored, awkward, unlikely to see 18th birthday. I still use it not that it stopped the crying of DS. I just start it with teenager...

As previous posters said reflux or colic. Run it by your health visitor if you are worried.

help1978 · 19/02/2018 19:07

A few of my gps told me not to give hungry milk pre 4months as it is too harsh for smaller tums.......I'm not sure if that's perhaps causing her pain?!

Get checked out for reflux/colic as well x

help1978 · 19/02/2018 19:08

Also maybe changing bottle and or teet to accommodate her guzzling may help?

Ceebs85 · 19/02/2018 19:13

I dont think hungry baby milk is a good idea so young. 5oz every 2hrs is a lot. Is that day and night? Could you be over feeding and making her uncomfortable? The hungry baby stuff I think is harder for them to digest so I would worry that was causing problems.

My DD cried and cried until she was 6 weeks old then it suddenly stopped. I suspected silent reflux so I think her digestive system just matured and she grew out of it but we did have her on comfort milk for a while. Would it be worth trying colic and reflux comfort formula in case its reflux?

Scroobius · 19/02/2018 19:14

My GP told me my dd was just crying “because that’s what babies do” and her being sick after every feed wasn’t reflux as the sick wasn’t shooting across the room 🙄 I got her Dr Browns bottles and bought gaviscon powder over the counter and she was a million times better. Reflux is likely if thicker milk helped to begin with as gaviscon powder sort of works like that.

DryHeave · 19/02/2018 19:17

My baby is 11 weeks and getting him to nap during the day is a trial. I walk 2 hours with him in the pram in the morning and 1 hour in the sling in the afternoon. It’s tiring, but it helps him sleep and I’d rather be tired from walking than tired from being cooped up with a baby crying and upset and overtired.

If you’re worried about recovery, you could do laps of your street? Yeah it’s boring as hell, but you know you can nip Home almost immediately if you need to.

I also found that my baby needed more winding than I first thought. He seemed to think “sore tummy, must be hungry!” when really sometimes he just needed a good few farts.

Original poster

SamJay1990 · 19/02/2018 19:20

Yes my mum said about it being too harsh on their tummy, but as she seemed okay with it and poops the same I thought it's fine, I will ask for advice from health visitor. I've not thought about changing the teet!

OP posts:

Ohyesiam · 19/02/2018 19:25

Sound like you have some investigating work to do, but you are not doing anything wrong.
Babies are so tough sometimes. Hope you get it sorted soon .

Seriouslyscrewed · 19/02/2018 19:25

I had similar problems with my dd when she was very young...i never realised until I got onto here that she needed lots of help getting to sleep. She might be overtired and she will be unable to jist put herself to sleep. Try rocking walking signing voicing whatever you need to do to get her to nap during the day.

My dd is 7mo now and I still have to work really hard to get her to nap. If I don't make sure she naps she is a very unhappy baby!!

I would check her out for reflux too

Original poster

SamJay1990 · 19/02/2018 19:29

I will also try winding her more, it makes sense that they could confuse other feelings for hunger I suppose, i will now spend more time winding her over my shoulder, she tends to doze off that way more easily anyway.

I hate to think I'm overfeeding her but she gives me so many signs, like throwing herself backwards, searching chest, sucking on hands ect when crying that I assume she needs food, and the way she guzzles it makes me think yes she was hungry but how can she possibly be when she has so much so often!

OP posts:

SmartyPants0 · 19/02/2018 19:33

Hi SamJay congratulations on your baby. I read your post and wanted to suggest changing your teat as well. We tried several different flows before we found one that suited. I was also going to suggest a dummy as well. Some baby's like them some don't.
Good luck

FizzyFeet · 19/02/2018 19:39

Ah, I know how you feel OP! My DD was very similar. Giving her a dummy helped hugely - babies suck for comfort, and she was sucking the bottle, guzzling too much, then getting a painful stomach, then wanting to suck etc etc in a vicious circle. My health visitor suggested a dummy and although not magical, it was really, really helpful. Hope it might help you too.

help1978 · 19/02/2018 19:53

If you want advice then don't ask the hv!!!
Good luck x you're doing a good job x

Cupcakey · 23/02/2018 20:02

Awr I could have written the same post a couple of weeks ago!!! It's so hard! My ds is almost 8 weeks old and feeding has been very difficult. I second changing the teat. My little boy is only just starting to nap more than 10-20 minutes snatches it's exhausting isn't it!!! I've found swaddling really helps him nap and dimmed light for his naps. It's all hit and miss at this stage! Don't worry you are doing a great job! It's the hardest job in the world! This is my 2nd baby I've a 6 year old too and I thought I would know what I was doing this time! Ha ha nope! They are all different but you will find what works best just be kind to yourself. Take short strolls with the pram, I had c-Sec too and tried to walk to far too soon and hurt myself! big hugs... it will get better, have a chat to the GP about possible reflux xxxx

Neonlights91 · 23/02/2018 20:14

Aww bless you!
My dd is no 4 months but I really resonate with how you feel about your baby always seeming unhappy- mine was the same.
A few things that helped me

see doctor to try treatment for reflux (they’ll give gaviscon first which is pants so likely need to go back for ranitidine)
my dd only naps on me and even for that she needed kind of ‘forcing to nap’- basically cuddled tightly with arms held down so she can’t throw them around (which keeps her awake) and rocking or patting. She used to scream and scream for about 5 mins before she would go to sleep but that was literally the only way I could get her to nap!! And I was cuddling her as much as possible but she just fought and fought it. She still naps in the same position/technique now. A lot of people used to look at me like 👀 but it was the only way to nap her (won’t even nap in car or pram). I would recommend trying to find a technique that helps your baby sleep- a cranky baby might be what’s causing all your problems. It’s so annoying as all my mum friends have babies that just go to sleep instantly when laid anywhere flat, and mine was (is) so tricky
the feeling of unhappiness will ease as they get older and can start smiling and interacting: I would now say that I have a ‘fussy’ baby rather than an unhappy baby which she definitely was in the past.

Lastly, keep persevering- it’s so hard but you’re doing so well and THIS TOO SHALL PASS

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