Newborn - how do you get anything done?

[boxesoffrogs]

My dd is five weeks old. Really struggling with getting anything achieved - ever. It gets to 2pm, and I’m not dressed, she’s not dressed, house is a state. Today I got dressed at 3.30 and only because I had a friend coming over...
I look a mess, she has developed nappy rash. I have no idea how as I am changing her as often as I possibly can, every hour or so.
My partner works late, got in last night at 11. So he is no help. Plus I am bf her so I am up all night.
I have cancelled plans, despite the best of intentions to get up and out, missed loads of baby groups I said I would attend, and basically feel like I am losing my mind.
Anyone got any words of wisdom? Or hope?

Everyone is fed, no one is dead. That’s my mantra, my DS is 11weeks on Sunday.

I felt just like you and then I bought a Moby sling and now life is normal again. I’m spoilt because I have a very good baby and we’re getting out and about a lot, but if you just aim each day to keep both of you alive, anything on top of that is a bonus. Xx

It does get easier, but in the meantime cut yourself some slack and try and enjoy chilling with your baby. I look back almost fondly at being held captive, feeding and wiping up bodily excretions, mine had reflux issues, so I could feed for up to 8 hours at a stretch on bad days. Getting out was beyond me. But it will pass. Try not to compare your days with what other people appear to be doing. You really don't know what their lives are like, or how much (extra) help they may have access to. I used a long stretchy material sling that wrapped round me and kept my dc tight against me. T'was a life saver and i learnt to feed her in it, so as she grew older (and could support herself more) she could feed whilst i got on with things. Eg the washing, making a slice of toast - i wasn't aiming very high...

On the nappy rash issue, try a different brand of nappies. Ds reacted badly to most
nappies. He could go from smooth and pink to red and raw in 30 minutes. Metanium helped but the right nappy was the answer.
Some babies are easy, happy babies. Some are not. It's their style of coping and not a reflection on your parenting or their happiness as a ten year old.

Please can I highly recommend this book
What Mothers Do - Especially When It Looks Like Nothing

It's not a baby manual. It doesn't tell you what to do. It's just a amazing book that helps you make sense of motherhood and what this puzzle is about - your partner gets home and says "what did you do today" and you say "nothing". But that's not accurate is it? You can't have done nothing as you've been so bloody busy you haven't had time to drink a hot cup of tea or brush your hair even! Yet you have no words to describe what you've been doing.

So what have you been doing all day? (Spoiler, it's not nothing!) It's a great book :)

Ok they have about two or so weeks more practice on me, but still.

At this stage a week or two makes a huge difference! It's also not linear - I was out in Tesco a day post-partum, but I couldn't leave the house most of last week as DD refuses to bloody nap.

Slings - try before you buy. I know it feels like another impossible thing to organise and do, but go to a sling library or a John Lewis at least and road-test a few. I read lots and lots and decided the ErgoBaby was for me. £130 later, it's sitting on my floor unused and DD is in a Bjorn I bought used on FB. (And if a sling library is a stretch too far, I'd buy used if you can.)

And Bepanthen/nappy rash cream is over the counter and available at Boots and larger supermarkets, to answer your question.

The 2 in 1 cream (or 3 in 1) is one you mix yourself- just roughly equal amounts... I learnt about it working on a local paediatric ward; one of the nurses has created it and it was amazing so all the consultants recommended it. Someone really needs to manufacture and market it as they’d make a fortune!

Metanium for nappy rash. Here's what we did:
Don't get baby into a routine. Get yourself into one. Wake up at the same time everyday, preferably an hour or so before DH leaves no matter how bad the night was. For me this was 6:45.
DH's job when he woke up was: put a load of washing on, dry the previous load, make tea and toast. Make a sandwich. All this takes roughy 15 mins.
6:45-7 am Feed the baby and hand over to DH.
7-7:15 Eat the tea and toast.
7:16-7:30 Have a shower. Get dressed. Get DH to get baby dressed for the day.
7:30-8 One of you holds the baby while the other makes sure the house is tidy. Especially downstairs. Give everything a quick wipe. Wash dishes. Hoover. Doesn't need to happen everyday.

So when DH left at 8:

1. I was dressed.
2. Baby was fed and dressed.
3. I had eaten something.
4. There was a sandwich in the fridge for lunch for me.

It was a MANIC 90 min but it meant I got much better start to the day.
Next, at ROUGHLY the same time everyday, preferably twice a day I went out for a walk. Forced myself to. Usually 10-11 and 3-4 pm. Did any errands. And it became a nice routine again.

Then ROUGHLY at the same time we had a bedtime routine. About 30-45 mins after a feed around 7, go upstairs, nice warm massage, warm bath, come out and change, read a book (same one everyday) and then feed and down for the night. From that point to 7 am baby stayed in the dark. It was super boring because someone was stuck with him but it created excellent sleep habits.

When DH came home, he:

1. Sorted the laundry again.
2. If I hadn't made dinner, he made it.
3. Did a general tidy and wash up. Again took him 15-20 mins.

Then he came upstairs and relieved me and I had an hour of peace.

If it sounds relentless it was! But it preserved my sanity in the day time. And meant we could go out occasionally.

Wrt needing to be there to constantly bounce, there is a knack to making the bounces gentler and slower as their eyes droop, so that ideally when they fall asleep you can slowly stop bouncing and they don't notice, especially if you leave the vibrate on.

DH went back to work when DD was 4 weeks old (he saved holiday to make this possible). It took me a couple more weeks to work out that I was struggling to feed myself - I eventually realised that when it got to 12, the next thing I needed to do was eat lunch. That improved my ability to cope enormously. Oh, and DH's birthday present to me (just before DD was born) was a second dressing gown so I could wash one and wear one. It was much used...

When I say cope, I mean get through the day without crying myself - I'm not talking about anything as advanced as trying to meet up with others. I found going to Tesco a bit easier, as the time didn't matter. Basically I set my expectations very low, and sometimes met them!

Thanks for all the advice and tips again. Dp off to work at midday (a-bloody-gain), but I am pleased to say we made it out of the house by lunchtime. Even if it was only to boots to stock up on nappy rash creams and some cute outfits that were on offer and just took the dog with us for a walk to the park (albeit a short one, as trying to negotiate other park users with a pram and a dog is not for the faint hearted!).

While the baby is still fast asleep (car seat and dummy seem to do the trick), I am going to attempt some tidying and some belated lunch before I tackle the washing. And then maybe even wash myself. Priorities and all that...

Good work frogs!

DC2 is nearly 3 months old. I consider any day we're all still alive a resounding success

In all honesty, I've found babywearing makes life a lot easier and I can get the house looking like a tank hasn't driven through it nice.

If that doesn't get done because baby does nothing but eat, poo, cry then I will sit on the sofa and watch Netflix and not give a shit until it's time to pick up biggest from school.

Oh and I got my mamas and papas flo wrap for £5 on Facebook marketplace. You don't need to spend a fortune, especially as wraps and slings are a lot of trial and error!

If your DH was home till midday please make him do the housework and make you lunch!

When I had my first baby a good friend said "If you achieve even one thing a day in those early daya you've done amazingly well"

luchi forgot to say thank you for your impressive timetable! Must be like a military operation! And no, the sod did not make me lunch or do the housework. He did however get in at about 8pm, and I took myself off for a bath... whilst I was in there, he shouted up at me that dinner would be in ten mins. I asked if he could quickly put away the baby’s washing (bearing in mind that I had sorted it, folded it and put all the rest away), and he replied that it would have to wait as he was a bit busy looking after the dog and the baby, as well as making dinner and he only has one pair of hands. Cue hollow and bitter laugh from me, and asked him sweetly what on Earth he thought I spent my days doing... that did not go down well!

Snowing here so we can’t really go anywhere, not sure my pram is up to negotiating a few inches of the stuff, so my plans for going out and getting a Christmas tree, taking the dog for a good long walk etc have all fallen through.

Yes indeed like a military operation because after the first month I was drowning and very close to having PND. And because although i was on mat leave my work is something that can't be switched off so easily so I was trying to deal with endless requests from colleagues.
DH needed some training but I whipped him into shape. To begin with I used to have the schedule and his duties therein on the fridge so he could check that he had done everything.

I was told that it becomes a bit easier at 6 weeks, then easier at 12 weeks and even easier at 6 months. I have definitely found this to be the case.

YES YES YES to the poster saying make sure baby's bum is dry to prevent nappy rash. Air dry if it's really sore or par with a muslin. Don't put any creams etc on until the skin is completely dry to the touch.

Feel free to swear as much as you want though if while you're drying her she does yet another wee.

Hang in there, it does improve and it's not just you.

*pat not par

Oh OP I completely hear you
The only way I got through the first month was having both mum's there daily. I realise that is a luxury. Now, even though I cannot for the life of me get out of bed after DD's 7am feed, I feel like I'm slowly getting the hang of things. And even then something will go wrong daily!

I get up 30 mins before she does (which is an effort, usually I'm woken by her babbling) and get in the shower. Then I go downstairs and make myself some tea so at least I'm a little awake. Throw on clothes I've put out for myself the night before, then pick her up (by now she's awake and grizzly for a cuddle or a feed), and change/top and tail her in to a babygrow I've also got ready for her. I'll put her in her bouncer and get myself dressed. The fact that I get to have some tea and a shower perks me up no end.

It's taken three months to figure out a routine that works best for us.

I also get the nappy bag etc ready the night before so I don't need to faff in the morn.

A mum friend of mine is awake at 6.30, takes the eldest to school, makes fresh food daily, and gets out and about all the time. I don't know how she does it!

By the way, can anyone recommend an automatic baby rocker? So you don't have to do the bouncing?

Sorry, I've not read the whole thread so this may have been covered. Are you drying her bum after cleaning it? My dd used to get awful nappy rash until we realised that the waterwipes we use we're leaving her quite damp and we weren't drying her. Also, metanium is the best nappy rash cream we tried them all. I had many days when dd was new where I just failed to get out of the house. It's fine and normal. There will however be lots of mums swanning around with a full face of male-up who somehow find everything a breeze or that's what they say anyway.

At five weeks (or five months) she doesn't need to "get dressed". Sleep suit round the clock. Change if gets dirty.

If your first you don't need to go anywhere. Take it easy.
Aim to get out at 2 pm
As that gets easier bring it earlier by half hour each day.