Looking for reassurance/support please - FTM of 3 week old

[123456kent]

Looking for reassurance/support please -FTM of 3 week old

I am looking for some reassurance that ‘things will get better’ and advice from some experienced mums please. Baby is 3 weeks old and I feel quite distressed with how things are, and unsure if these things are normal or if I should be concerned...
I am BFing, attempted to combi feed for a few days but that seemed to coincide with symptoms of colic (lots of screaming late in the day) and lack of dirty nappies. Have now EBF for 3+ days and unfortunately no return of regular poos, and colic symptoms continue.
She’s has not had a dirty nappy for 48 hours, and seems very uncomfortable in the tummy area, constant grunts, pulling up legs, straining, pushing, passing wind. Is this normal?
Feeding - can be between 1.5 and 3 hours in between feeds, is this ok? I feel like I hear of all these stories of 4-6 hour stretches of sleep and that my baby is abnormal. I’m feeding on demand with no routine whatsoever. Should I be concerned with the lack of any routine and the baby ruling our every move? She feeds quite well, mostly, I can see/hear she is getting a lot of milk, and has gained weight beautifully.
In between feeds at night baby is loud/unsettled/fussy/thrashy and hard to put down. She would love to just sleep on us all night, but we try and put her down as much as possible, with little success.
I feel very distressed/unhappy a lot of the time and have had a lot of tears (after a very tear free relaxedy pregnancy I did not expect this). I feel my OH thinks I can’t cope with these demands and he is probably right, I feel like I am failing as a mother because I find this so hard.
She is on colic medication, which is an absolute faff to administer (colief) and constipation medication (lactulose) which is doing nothing. GP said Infacol could be causing constipation so have not used this for 3 days.
Please could I have some words of advice/reassurance or otherwise that things will get better and won’t always feel this sad. I really don’t feel I am enjoying our beautiful baby!

3 week old baby:

No routine? Normal.
Doesn't want to be put down? Normal.
Wants to feed aaaalllll the time? Normal.

My only concern would be lack of poop, but if she's continuing to gain weight then just keep feeding her as often as she wants/needs (same thing at this age!)

Put your feet up, camp out on the sofa, get DH to bring plenty of snacks, drinks and reading material and just feed and hold your baby.

Routines will develop in time. She will be out down in time. Have you heard of fourth trimester theory? It is worth a read!

You are doing everything right.

And I promise it gets easier.

try grabbing lots of snatches of sleep during the day when baby sleeps. You
may find changing your own diet can help. drink lots of water or herbal tea, have plenty of hearty meals with eggs, fish, grass fed beef, whatever protein & veg you love. Take care of yourself. Its very hard with the first few months, and you are certainly not unusual in finding it a struggle. I found it hell with my first. He is a gorgeous 18 year old now. Newborn babies are little honeys but this is such a You are not alone in feeling tired, teary. Xxxooo

Can I just reiterate everything ownedbySWD said.
You are doing so much better than you think you are, routines will work themselves out in time. It’s tough going at times but you are brilliant

Thank you so much for taking time to reply.
I’m pleased to say she has now pooped. Now just need to find a way to get a few hours sleep a night. At a breastfeeding clinic today i was advised the way for that to happen and to try and regain some sanity may be night time formula top up. Happy mum will apparently = happy baby, right now it doesnt feel like either of us are.
4 weeks today! Feels like 4 months!

Holy cow, formula top ups will just dent your supply :o

Babies are in my experience not fun. I have a second child who is 10 days old and really, it’s just - sleep depriving. Nothing wrong with not enjoying that. Also it Does get better - my 4 year old was horrendously hard as a baby but is now utterly wonderful.

Keep an eye out for post natal depression though. It makes everything even Worse when it’s already pretty no fun.

Sending some e hugs

By way of empathy I am back to spending the nights wanting to climb out of the window. I hold onto hope it is survivable as it has been previously.

Tbh one of the worst bits of feeding atm is having to sit up to actually feed. Much better ish when they can get to you at least. Or are big enough to feed lying down.

Can your partner take baby upstairs for a few hours in the evening so you can crawl into bed and do some sleeping?

Oh love - how you feel is so normal. It doesn't feel it but it really is. I didn't like the newborn stage. I hated the responsibility being entirely on my shoulders and I was exhausted and recovering from c section.

Routines will come. It doesn't feel like it but it will and it does. I didn't have a proper routine until 4 months old because it was just so overwhelming but it happened one day and I just kept going and my DS is 14 months old and relatively in routine most days.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Babies change so quickly at this stage and it's really daunting and overwhelming but it will pass - I promise. You're doing an a awesome job. You're asking questions you know will make a difference because you want what's best for you and baby and ultimately, that is the best combination.

Wishing you all the best. If you feel the blues really hanging around, please see your GP. It does pass eventually

(From a mum who was so unwell with PND I was nearly sectioned xxxx)

Thanks very much for your replies. I’m pleased to say that, for now at least, I seem to have regained my compusure, gathered some confidence and just generally feel mentally stronger. I was crying a lot and then after a long chat at the breastfeeding clinic something snapped in me and since then I feel much more like ‘I’ve got this’. I’m sure I will have low/dark moments many times more. But for now I just feel a bit more in control and proud of my acheivements, rather than feeling like I’m a terrible mum who wasn’t cut out for the role. My mum has helped immensely this week during the day and at night I handed over a few formula feeds to OH and got a 3 hour stretch of sleep which did me the world of good. (She then threw it up, so not entirely successful!).
I’ve loved her since she was born because I had to but I’m starting to really genuinely fall in love with her now, something that didn’t come as quickly as I thought/hoped it would.
Thanks for your replies!