Maybe i should just stop breastfeeding.

[sammyjayneex]

My baby is 6 weeks old. I am fully breastfeeding. I'm on the verge of Giving up. I breast fed my girls until they were 6 months but now with my son I feel like just giving up. Its mostly because I end up co sleeping and I don't like it. I don't feel safe. Last night I fed him and put him down. He doesn't settle well in his cot. Then I fed him a second Time and because I was very sleepy and because he settles better feeding lying down I decided to lie down feeding him in my bed and usually this is fine and he is normal in the middle of me and his dad and I always wake up in the same position I slept in and he always been safe but last night I woke up lying behind him and he was In front of me on my side of the bed. I don't know how he ended up there and now I am worried I rolled over him to get behind him. He is fine and doesn't seem hurt but now I can't get this from my head so I'm contemplating giving up breastfeeding even though I don't want to. It will break my heart but i can't deal with the thought I rolled over him and possibly crushed him. How would I know If I rolled over him and injured him? Gonna feel guilty forever now

You say you don't want to give up breastfeeding so don't! It doesn't have to mean co-sleeping though I do totally appreciate that co-sleeping can make it far easier (I coslept with both of mine despite not at all wanting to at first as it made it much easier). The evidence suggests that that babies who co-sleep when mum is breastfeeding and parents are not drunk / on medication are actually safer than babies who sleep in a cot in separate room. Therefore I think the best move would be to make cosleeping safer / easier. If you have room I think the best suggestion would be a bedside cot as then your baby can be in a separate sleeping space from you (and hence away from the dangerous duvet!) but still nearby for feeds. If you have the room, you don't need to get a specialist cot but can convert your own, particularly if its a cot bed (so hence sturdy on 3 sides). I did this with my son when he was over 9 months and so wish I had done it sooner - it was a saviour! Google 'diy bedside cot' / 'bedside cot' hacks for more info on how you can do it. If you haven't got the space for a bedside cot then perhaps for a bit the best solution is for you to sleep with your son and your husband elsewhere though I appreciate for most people this is a pain and a but too much of a sacrifice - I have done it when at the stage of 'anything for some fucking sleep'! Having more space in the bed for you and your baby will make co sleeping comfier for you and you can ensure there is more space between you so you feel safer.

I think it's much more likely you scooped him up to feed from the other side and then he went back down behind you. I don't think you could have slept deeply enough to do what you fear you did unless on medication etc. That said cosleeping is not compulsory. I enjoyed it far more with a bigger baby, with a tiny one I did use a bedside cot thing which helped, and followed various other safe sleeping practices.
Perhaps you could switch to ff at night hit continue BF in the day were lying down isn't such an issue?