June 2013 - the terrible twos aren't so terrible

[Biscuitswithtea]

Here goes with a new thread!

I dressed M and DS1 in tights on occasion, they're very useful for when they get to the stage of casting their socks to the four winds the second you leave the house my friend called them manly hose though lol

I hate those head bands too, though DD has worn one for 10 seconds on two occasions: 1) someone bought her one along with an outfit and I know I'm odd but even if I'm not keen on an outfit someone has bought for them I make them wear it just so I can take a photo to show them. 2) We had a photo shoot and the photographer had brought props including a box of the awful things. She pressured us into putting one on by mentioning that she didn't like it when parents were funny about them. I nudged DH no (I wasn't going to say anything!) but he didn't want to say anything either!

Hair clips have been an essential, however, as DD doesn't have a fringe. She's at the stage now where they're handy to keep the hair out of her face, but not really required.

We like dresses. DD finds them comfortable and they don't stop her running and climbing etc. Personal preference is to keep babies in sleepsuits most of the time though (up until at least six months).

Just as well DD likes dresses as it's dresses or skirts only for the girls at school here.

I like buying clothes for them too much. My wardrobe is shocking but they have amazing wardrobes. As well as Boden I like Next, John Lewis, Jojo and Sainsbury's. I tend to like different shops for each child though.

DS has always pulled off socks. JoJo all in one leggings were amazing but he's too big for them now.

And I like M&S!

Once they can walk I love dresses too. I was making lots of dresses for Lil but the little ratbag has declared she will only wear leggings and tshirts now. Therefore I've started making dresses to sell because I need an outlet for these lovely little dresses in my sewing room. I've even taken her fabric shopping, had her choose the pattern. I can generally persuade her to wear them once and then that's that. She's a ratbag

Yes, what's with those weird hair bands for baby girls?! It reeks of doing as much as possible to say to the world 'this is a girl'. We know, the people who matter know whether our babies are boys or girls - does it matter if a stranger gets it wrong?? The world is a strange place sometimes!

Am impressed that you have time to sew Sunny!

I think that's the reason for them, biscuits! Very popular on a fb parenting group I've recently become a member of (for entertainment purposes - it's eye-opening. The headbands! The prams! The names! The attitudes!).

Head bands don't stop people getting it wrong anyway - the number of times people said "what a lovely boy" to DD when she was dressed head to toe in pink...

Sunny why oh why are you not offering to sell to us!!

Ha! I've got my first stall selling clothes I've made at the beginning of September and I'm absolutely bricking it that no one will buy anything as they'll hate it.

Putting my serious hat on the reason I'm finding it possible to sew is because DH is making sure I get 1 hour to myself each evening. I've really struggled with DD2 and have had PND. I think I'm coming out of it - it's been a bit of a deep dark hole to be honest. But I've been feeling more like mefor almost 2 weeks now. I finally went to the GP about it this week after a lot of gentle prodding from DH and felt a bit of a fraud to be honest.

Sorry to answer a flippant comment with a serious heavy answer

sunny, I can join you to various FB groups to do with sewing for kids if you'd like? Remind me who you are in the fb group though!

Also, cool fabric - I'm in a few groups for custom fabric.

I do a lot of sewing! Have made half a dozen new tshirts for me and the kids in the last few days - couple below for you to see.

Oh Sunny. Hugs. PND is a sod and I'm sorry you've been struggling. Glad to hear you spoke to your GP and also that your DH has been able to facilitate a way of you doing something that you enjoy each evening.

Will send you an email re that playdate! x

I struggled massively with the second baby. I don't think it was PND as such as I felt perfectly fine when I was away from them but I simply couldn't cope when I was. I went to the doctor on friends insistence but the conclusion was that I was just pissed off as opposed to depressed as the horrible feelings abated as soon as I had time away. I think it's difficult to admit that it's not everything you hoped it would be. I am definitely not cut out for having children. I love them both dearly but I have really struggled with the loss of self in every possible way. Things are much better now I'm back at work and I tend to enjoy the time I have with them. If I was with them all the time I wouldn't manage at all well.

I'd still like to order a dress though:)

I struggled after DD. I think that if I'd carried on attempting to breast feed I'd have been much worse. I've definitely got postnatal anxiety, though that is improving as I'm definitely having fewer intrusive thoughts about them dying than I was, thankfully.

I want to have an after thoughts chat with a midwife to discuss DD's birth and then have some counselling as until I know what went so wrong I don't think I can fully recover.

I'm glad you sought help, Sunny. It's bloody hard dealing with pregnancy, babies, hormones etc. The toll on mothers' mental health isn't focussed on enough by HCPs, I don't think.

I agree. I think this modern way of parenting is destructive to our physical and mental health. We leave hospital immediately because it's so intolerable that even if we were allowed to stay a week we wouldn't. We then return home to generally the help and care of our partner and no one else. Alternatively our parents come to stay but that's too much as well. What most of us don't have is a community of local support. We are expected to breastfeed yet not supported in it and then we feel guilty if we fail. In the developing world breastfeeding hits 98% and yet we wonder why we don't manage that while offering no practical assistance to achieve it. We don't earn enough to buy in much help and would be judged if we did. We then get judged for working or not working or even worse for part timing working which demonstrate a lack of commitment to either camp. It is beyond me how most of us survive at all.

There's a brilliant book called (I think) What Mothers Do I read it when DS was nearly a year old and it helped me shake off quite a few demons. Also have since discovered the Selfish Mother blog; v refreshing at times!

I was knocked for six when DS was born. Mostly, I think, because of the slog of caring for a refluxy baby. He was upset and or fussy for what seemed like much of the time. It wasn't anything like what I had expected parenthood to be like.

I agree that postnatal support is poor (in the main). I feel better equipped this time for having made good friends locally. We have no helpful family support near by so this makes the world of difference to us.

I also think as a society we are not good at saying when we're struggling. The more I've read or spoken to others who have struggled, the more I realise how 'normal' it is to feel a lot of what we feel.

I'd agree the support is poor. The GP was very sympathetic and after we agreed I didn't want pills he offered me an online resource from NHS Scotland that you need a printer to print out the workbook from. He said he'd ask the HV to call me as apparently they have more resources. That was last Monday and no one has contacted me.

Thankfully I've got a wonderful husband who is helping me. I haven't said exactly what is up with me to the rest of the family but they know I've been struggling especially with days on my own when DH is working or sleeping off a night shift. They've been taking it in turns to keep me company on those days.

Baby actually slept thru yesterday - up till now I've been up every 1.5-2 hours which really doesn't help. In fact for ages I was convinced I was just sleep deprived. Taken me a while to admit it's more than just that.

Oh and Bean I'll make you whatever you want for just the cost of fabric. Keep me entertained in the evening

Hugs Sunny. I'm glad you got some sleep.

I haven't had PND but I struggled during the early months.

I'm a SAHM so feel like I should be a natural mother, but I'm not! I need more patience.

Agree with what Bean said.

I begged for help during the first couple of months, as I was in a lot of pain feeding (for 10 weeks!) but the support I needed just wasn't there.

Oh and I'd love to see your dresses, Sunny!

Hi all. Had a nice catch up with Biscuits today and met her gorgeous new baby girl. Complete angel slept the whole time.

How is everyone else? We've had a few weeks of threenager tantrums but after a few epic arguments have had a quiet week of no tantrums - bliss!

All good here. Small one just starting to walk which big one sometimes appreciates. Have become obsessed with distance to local school. Think we are 0.2 and they have never taken more than 0.4. Still nervous though. If there are millions of siblings we would be in trouble! Amused by people talking of choice when it's really whatever you live close to or being stuck in an overspill school two miles down the road.

Do wish they didn't start formal school so early. Like the European model of being in an extended nursery environment for another couple of years.

I maintain that DS walked relatively early because he knew that DD wasn't going to be that interested in playing with him til he was up and about!

We have 3 brilliant schools to choose from, thankfully. Not long til we can apply now! We have no schools within 0.4 miles though. That's a tough one.

DD has been waiting for DS to walk since the moment he was born so she's happy now he can! They have great fun together. She is so bossy though!

Ha ha, yes! Poor DS is bossed about by DD. Do this, do that, don't do that, do it like this! Hilarious, and I'm sure he'll get his own back one day. 😀

DS is super bossy this now too. Am now secretly looking forward to the day he can transfer his attention to DD!! :)

Lil has always been bossy. She's also a complete teachers pet. At nursery she does all the sweeping, wipes tables, cuts the fruit up for snack. I'm thinking of asking for a discount she's like a second helper. She's a bit of a mother hen too which is extremely lovely to watch and weird because I've never been like that. She says she wants to be a doctor when she's older and I can actually imagine it