I feel really bad because my baby doesn't have as much as some do?

[MissK16]

I'm not very wealthy, but when we were going to have a baby, I very clearly pictured how things would be once we have a child. In general, I try to stay cool about the way things are at the moment, because SOMETIMES I'm absolutely sure that our son has enough, and that his life is much better than my own was. I'm not working since my baby is just 3 months old, and my boyfriend works really hard because he wants to give our baby as much as we can, he barely gets to sleep or eat...So a few hours ago I got an email from his sister, and still can't get over it! I think she was sort of bragging in the letter, but I'm not jealous, I just feel bad thinking that my son isn't going to have all those things mentioned in that damned email. I'm 19 and bf's sister's in her late 30th, a lawyer just like her husband, her lunch usually costs from 80 to 300£ and they've got quite a few houses in England with cleaners looking after them...you know what I mean to say. So, back to the email, a few hours ago I got a letter with pictures attached saying how nice baby SPA was and how helpful baby sign classes seem. In the end I was "highly recommended attending all those very important classes", even though I couldn't afford it at the moment. And now I feel like our son really is missing out on baby SPA and sign language and whatever else is there on the list of the London's elite babies. I just wish I wouldn't get such emails.
Do you ever feel bad when you simply can't afford something for your children? Or am I being unreasonable? I just don't know how to cope. When I look back, I think oh I grew up without even a sling and now my baby had to attend SPA centres! I just feel bad and don't know how to help it. Any thoughts or advice of your will be appreciated, thanks!

It's really hard because you want to give your baby the best of everything but comparing yourselves to others is the road to madness! I would love to be a SAHM leaving my DS to work 12-13 hour days almost has me in tears but as main wage earner I have no choice .

Conversely there will always be people who would literally kill for their DC to have what your son has. Talk to him, play with him, do your best by him. No one could ask any more of you

There are expensive baby groups, then there are free ones. Your local library might do a rhyme time. My sure start centre had a free baby group. There is no difference between the expensive ones and the free ones, and I've done both. Baby signing is babies sitting around in a circle singing songs and doing actions.

If you are desperately keen to do baby signing and have a bit of spare cash, you can get sing and sign DVDs here:

www.singandsign.com/products/sing-and-sign-special-edition---dvd

Their lifestyle does not seem 'average' so I wouldn't compare yours with theirs. At 3 months your baby doesn't need all those things. Don't kid yourself that it does.

Kids need love and play and attention. You can give your baby that for no cost whatsoever.

I got suckered into all that kind of stuff when I had my first DC, but looking back it was really more for my social benefit that for his. As long as you are happy and getting out and about, there's no need to baby spas or signing. Would you pay to go to a group and sing nursery rhymes and make up actions? Go to a toddler group instead.
x

or the library sessions like noble said - forgot about those!

Your baby doesn’t need expensive classes honestly, there will likely be cheap or free groups in a local library, church or surestart centre, your HV will be able to tell you. There are lots of activities you can do that don’t cost much but give lots of stimulation, crafts, swimming, etc. Honestly some of the things people pay a fortune for are just silly imo.

Lovely post showmethewonder

Your baby doesn't care how rich you are! As previous posters have said, there are free baby groups at the surestart centre and you can learn baby signing from youtube or even Something Special on cbeebies.

Sounds like your bf's sister was being a bit insensitive. Of course we all want our children to have the best of everything, but sometimes it is good for their character to go without/have to wait for things (as long as it's not food or love!)

It sounds like you and your DP are great parents. Don't beat yourself up.

I bet your baby is getting everything they need right at this moment - lots of milk and love!

When it comes to classes, I went to different ones, some expensive, some reasonable and some free and I can honestly say all were great and so if you can't afford the expensive ones, it won't matter a jot, it really won't.

Don't worry what other people are doing - my, DH and DS are in a very privileged position but there's always someone who's better off - I have an old friend who's just had a baby with his wife and she's off work but has a live in nanny/housekeeper - something which I'm a little envious of but, hey, my DS has me as a Mum and that's got to be a great advantage in life , just as your DC has you - and your DC wouldn't swap that for the world!

I think just a change of scenery can be good for a baby - if you have a local mother and baby group, coffee morning or a cheap swimming session the you could try these. It breaks the day up too. I've been to baby yoga and sign language classes but tbh, you could easily do these at home with a DVD.

I've fallen into the trap of buying lots of the latest toys and gadgets to keep my baby amused but all she want to do is play with the handles on my dresser and open and close the cupboard doors!

I have been in your position when ds1 was born and cried in mothercare when I saw a woman spending nearly 1k on her card. Ds is 23 so a lot of money back then. I had gone in for nappy pins, all I could afford that week.

My best friend in the world consoled me with the fact that she couldn't possibly love her child more than I was going to love ds1 and he was right.

Its not material things or stupid classes that make the difference its closeness and spending time with your baby that is important.
They can sleep in a lined drawer if you can't afford a cot, but they need love and your time.