March 2013- the one where plonk gets married!

[Gerrythetootallgiraffeswife]

Perilously close to filling the old thread suddenly!

Apparently doli isn't the first Marcher to breed again. The old crowd, who all buggered off to facebook a couple of months before our due dates and mostly never came back have a few second babies too. Doli, what are you going to do if the Duchess of Hyperemesis steals babax's name?

The roll-up was bad, but it could have been worse - anyone remember Trainspotting? And as it was still in one piece I don't think she actually found it. I'm usually a responsible mother, honest.

What else was I going to say? Mind's gone blank.

I'd hazard a guess I'm due before her Stormy so names shouldn't be an issue!

Well yes, you're due first, but won't you be annoyed? And didn't we have this conversation with el Plonko last time?

Doli are you saying that having a baby isn't challenging? I think you do yourself a disservice when you say you've played it safe for years. But I get your point. The hotel sounds potentially exciting. And think of the games of sardines you'd be able to play whilst you were doing it up. Feb 6th eh? An aquarian baby. Eccentric. My (aquarian) father maintains aquarians are the best (he has two aquarian daughters)!

Stormy tobacco is a plant right? How bad can it be? It's interesting to see what makes us all feel bad (don't feel bad by the way Doli!). At my lowest point a few weeks ago, having been in traffic for three hours alone with Ecotod crying, I spoke the words (twice): I can't do anything about this so shut the fuck up. That made me feel terrible. When I cried confessing it to my sister on handsfree she laughed and said she shouted this at both of her babies. More than once.

Ecotod had her first day at childminder today. I was curious throughout and had to resist texting but she had a good day. Behaved well, played nicely with stuff, ate like a pig, napped. A non event for her seemingly! I'm so pleased she gets some proper time with others and that I can just concentrate on being me. I cleaned until nine, did a 9 to 4 day on some freelance work, cooked dinner then went to get her. Next week I'll add a lunchtime bike ride in I think. I've been out on my bike both of these last two evenings and it's been great.

Our freezer is laden with blackberries which feels good. I love this early autumn nearly as much as I do spring. Especially when we have this delightful weather. Hope you guys are getting it too.

Gerry I hope your device rules are helping and that the reason you're not on here much is because you're having a brilliant time with dh. If you see this quickly let us know how full time is going for you all. Been thinking of you.

And everyone else.....are you all happy and well?

Stormy, no I'll not care, and it's unlikely to happen anyway. I won't be choosing a safe typically English name, and the Queen is unlikely to allow them anything else. That said, I have absolutely no inspiration this time round. I've used the only two girls names I really like as first and second for the toddle, which leaves me with a short list of precisely none.

Speaking of the toddle. I cannot get her to sleep. I have walked away for 10 mins before I lose it as it's been 2.5 hours so far. I really really could do with someone else doing shift, but unless I can rope in one of the dogs it's down to me. Sighhhh.... and back up I go

Ooh ooh ooh I had a decent length list of non typical English girls names that are along a similar type to DD's Doli!

We're off on holiday on Friday and I'm trying madly to get sorted in the few minutes that I'm awake and DD isn't. How the hell do you organise with a mini-person around?

Playpen plus earplugs, Betty!

My sympathies on the bedtime, doli. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do except step back and try not to crack up and hope like hell they calm down a bit before you go in. She will go to sleep eventually. Promise.

I'm trying hard with the not swearing in exasperation and frustration at the toddler. The swearing is best left until they're older and can learn not to say bollocks in front of Granny or whatever. But the pissed off tone, I'm less bothered about - it means they learn there's only so far you can be pushed and they're rapidly approaching that point. And oh my god, I'm channelling my dad.

Marking place. On way home from airport. Oh my fucking Christ.

Right. I think I'm capable of communicating without expletives now.

Doli feb 6! My BFF had her baby on that date. This is good. I think being heavily pregnant in the winter is best for alleviating the discomfort and extra warmth that comes with pregnancy. Glad to hear you're coping well, despite some pantry time.

As for names, well we were buggered either way. Until February 2013 our ds was destined to be called Oscar. Then Mr Pistorius shot Ms Steenkamp. We nearly went with Ernest but decided en route to the labour ward that George had the edge. Lo and behold a few months later I was eyeing up 'I was George first!' Tee shirts online. I decided not to buy one.

Eco glad to hear you're getting on better. A few changes and you sound like a different woman. I bathed in the Madeiran moonlight as per your suggestion, but sadly I was a buffet for mozzies.

Stormy there's a splitter group on fb? Was it caused by controlled crying gate? Are you part of their community? I'm intrigued but also have shouts of "SPLITTER!" In my head.

I'm trying to not shout profanities around ds. Tough but definitely worth the restraint. Hearing a friends four year old tell me about a 'fucking cat' was quite shocking. However when ds pulls my hair and my instinct is to hit back (I don't) it's probably better to shout and swear.

Holiday good. Madeira beautiful, people are amazing generous souls who actually like tantrumming 18 month olds. Flight home horrendous. Ds stayed awake until midnight, when we landed. He's never done that in his life. So it's a day off work/nursery for all of us today. I'm off to buy a litter tray, oh this glamorous life. Cat has gotten fat on purina so going to source something better. Cat people - any suggestions?

Trumps the man says stop feeding the cat. It'll get thinner and as an added bonus you won't need the litter tray any more. And apparently feeding them only encourages them.

I rather liked the name Oscar, but it failed the EastEnders test. Cannot name a child after any current Enders character.

Oscar's a great name, but not when there's been a murder. Oscar the Grouch is a personal fave, and nickname Ozzy.

The cat has a new poo house, and posh food. She lives to fight another day.

I on the other hand am experiencing powerful stomach cramps and, er, interesting dire rear. MIL actually cried with stress when I told her I wouldn't be eating bread/pasta/rice, as SILs boyfriend has Crohns and is BODMAPping, so I caved to help and this is the price I pay.

Nice to have you back trumple glad your jollyholiday was jolly. Apart from the midning toddler trouble. How is he today? And how are you today?

Urgh. DP. I love him to bits but Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesday mornings are MY time. This week, I was joined by MAN FLU. DS and I have our lovely, little routines that generally work well. But when you factor in the loud lump of daddy hacking and snotting and blowing every which way, it buggers it all up. DS has barely napped because DP thinks that naptime is the ideal time to hammer things and hoover places and bake cakes. Not that I didn't enjoy the cake baking and eating but it was LOUD. However, having him in the mornings to monitor while I shower and get dressed without having to get up before DS to do it, meant that for the past two mornings, we all got a lie in until 8am-ish. But still, urgh. And he's still off while I'm back at work.

Anyway. Rant of mine over. Shouty swears are the go-to of choice for things like stubbing toes or whiny toddles, and it's hard going having to think halfway through and change to "OH MOTHER...HUBBARD"

midning? Interesting. Midnight, of course.

I actually came out with, "What the fuck deuce?!" the other day. Dunno where that came from.

Comedy swears are not my forte, sadly. I have been known to channel Dr Todd from Green Wing with a hearty "bollocking shitbags", but the aim is to lessen this sort of language around the toddle.

Speaking of, I've just dropped him at nursery and been handed a letter than nearly made me cry. Over the next week he'll be getting phased in to the big kids' room downstairs! He's been in the 'tweenies' (I'm sure the name predates the godawful programme. at least, I hope it does) for ten months, it's like a home from home. Clearly I just need to man up a bit and sort myself out. He'll be fine...

Something has DP stopped snuffling and gone back to work yet?

Oh, and, while I'm here. Can you all please talk to me about highchairs? I think DS is done with his and I haven't the willpower to battle him. Our dining chairs are not toddler safe because they're just flimsy folding ones with a huge cavity at the back. Is it worth opting for a booster seat?

trumpel he has not stopped snuffling, he is still very loudly snuffing and is enjoying another day at home on the ps4 no doubt

As far as highchairs go, as you know we've never had a proper highchair, but the chair which attaches to any chair. It's meant for use until they're 3ish and becomes a booster seat. We've not used the tray on it for quite a while so had DS pushed up to the table to eat. Might be worth looking into something like that?

I'm at work and I am bored so for some reason, I'm on rightmove looking at properties in Cornwall for 500,000+.

Ooh making your getaway plans, Something? Sounds good. Sadly my budget is currently 4 zeros less than your's ;)

I'm looking at booster seats now. I think it may be a small price to pay for happier meal times. If I get one I'd be tempted to fob our monstrously huge high chair on to DSis, who, despite my pleas, is still pregnant.

Trumps flimsy folding chairs are no good with a booster seat. They're too light - a toddler throwing his weight around in the booster chair could tip it over. Which is why we still just stick the booster chair on the floor. Well, that and the strap to attach it to a chair vanished at Christmas. And Fartypants eats more if she can be distracted by the telly.

Hmm good point Stormy. Something you've used our chairs with DS's booster. How sturdy, on a scale of imminent collapse to solid as a rock, would you say it was?

trumpel slim chance of subsidence. But, really, he stayed sturdy in it for the whole time he was eating and I think it was secure enough that I didn't even notice the potential-flimse.

Oh eco I never replied to you...DS is absolutely fine after his tumble. Nothing a few mummy cuddles couldn't sort out

Trumps we have:

this

It's fine on ordinary kitchen or dining room chairs, and is very portable if you're out for the day. The only thing to watch is if the table is a certain height a cunningly aimed toddle kick could push them backwards.

Good evening from the bath (4 really dislike the bathroom in our rental so take less joy from baths now, I get grumpy looking at the new but awful tiles, the pig light pull and loo seat that has what looks like a public conveniences sign on it). After too many late nights for last couple weeks we've vowed to be in bed by half nine so I'd best get a wriggle on.

Looks like you solved your high chair situation Trumpy. Is he happy in it? And are you less, well, Trumpy today? Hope you feel well again. Your mil sounds easily upset!

Baking 'with' a toddle is carnage isn't it? We made (hippy alert) sugar free bramle breakfast muffins today and I had her on a chair next to me. It took about twice as long but she enjoyed pretending with the stuff that I put out for her. She's also loving the toy buggy we got for her ikea dolly called Ian. Anyhow, it's a hit with her. Anyone else noticing any favourite play things/things to do? She also likes the mega blocks....not sure what she does with them other than liberally apply them to the house. Oh and climbing on things. Any things. The riskier the better. We went to a mobile soft play that comes weekly to a local village yesterday and she loved it. Never been before. But she threw herself around it all with gay abandon.

Doli are you firmly out of the pantry and how were the spreadsheets? Any closer to a decision?

And Wotta, I hope you're eating more than grapefruit now? Feeling good and ready to press on with your health kick?

Stormy what happened with aldi application? Any word?

Something find anything nice in Cornwall? Sounds like lovely escapism.

Eco I'm restored to sanity again.... although that may be short lived. My parents are here. I love them to bits but they are exhausting to be around. How I survived childhood I have no idea. Oh yes, I nearly didn't . Put it this way, there is a word, invented by me, when I was about 5. Fuss-tulation. It is fairly self explanatory, and pretty much sums up their preferred method of doing anything!

Sugar free muffins sound like something I would like. I used to make a very worthy sugar free spelt banana bread. It was bloody lovely. Oh ok, I thought it was bloody lovely. DH thought it was rank

DH managed to settled the toddle in an hour with no rocking her tonight, she appears to be restored to her sunny little self. Dare I say it.... the wonder week appears to be over. Jinxed it haven't I?

As for the spreadsheets, they are looking positive. The only question mark now lies in the isolated position. V remote. Complicated with kids.

Night all. Sweet dreams and no wakes.

I've completely lost track of everything and am off on holiday well to Gatwick for stage one today so I'll be dipping out for a bit.

Have a lovely week everyone. I hope all the toddles behave and all the pantries are used for food storage only!

Wish us luck on the plane with the world's stroppiest 18 month old