March 2013- the one where plonk gets married!

[Gerrythetootallgiraffeswife]

Perilously close to filling the old thread suddenly!

Er, that's soiree and choc cake, obvs.

Right, hello you lovely lot missed overfamiliar Friday

Just back from beautiful Pembrokeshire. The journey down was ok, thanks to plenty of snacks, several DVDs, and fairly good timing. Just a few grizzles but not much more than that. However, after that, everything went a bit tits up wrong. Arrived Saturday afternoon. Lovely day on the beach on Sunday, then home for a sleep. After which she puked everywhere, and was then ill with a stomach bug for the rest of the week. Puking only lasted a couple of days but the lack of appetite and stomach pains are dragging. I know because I came down with it on Tuesday. Struggled through our wedding anniversary meal out on Wednesday but have been feeling pretty grim since then.

However, the positives, because there were lots. The cottage we were in (that we stay in every year) has come into its own with a toddler. One storey so no pesky stair gates, open plan, French doors leading to an expanse of areas to explore. Dogs, buckets and spades, sand to eat. Between bouts of illness she had a lovely time. Turns out she's a bit of a freak unusual when it comes to the sea. All the other toddlers are standing nervously at the edge, squealing and running away scared every time a wave splashes their toes. Not Gerrytoddle. Oh no. She drags me or DH to the sea, and then just keeps going. Into the Atlantic. Through the waves, giggling hysterically. Lovely to spend time with my dad and step mum, although I'm glad I never lived with them. A week is plenty!

DH and I seem to be improving, and have made some promises that we hope will make things even better. One of which is no phones/laptops/tablets in the evenings, so you may see less of me around here. We've both deleted the fb app from our phones as well to try to reduce time spent on there, and have both enjoyed enforcing no Facebook for a week. Sometimes things get in the way of relationships. Can't help still feeling a little niggle still though.

Good start gerry. We spend too much time on iPhones etc too. Can you put your finger on the niggle? Hope things are improving.

doli do you eat anything sweet? I'm if you don't. That is partly jealousy though as sometimes I could do without my sweet tooth! hunts down the burnt brownies

eco that's no good. Sending healthy vibes your way. Hope you get lots of rest to speed your recovery.

Just returned from a not very great wedding. Continuing the theme of 'flexible' toddles we had a very tired one and some not very helpful table neighbours. Oh well

Happy sexy Saturday ladies (is that a thing?!)

Glad things are looking better, Gerry. No internet of an evening though, good luck with that - I have vague notions about similar from time to time, but the alternative is crap telly, and the man and I have differing tastes in crap telly (although we do share a fondness for diabolically bad sci-fi and disaster films).

Why have I got no cake? Thread is making me want cake. Has anyone figured out how to send cake by email yet?

No sick here, but Fartypants has produced six orrible wet stinkers today. The last one was barely more than a skidmark, so I'm hoping she's out of ammunition. I suspect a dicky tummy, she's been in a grump all day and is currently having a good shout instead of going to sleep...

Gerry glad the cottage was good, it sounds like you covered some tricky ground despite tummy bugs. I love the sound of no Facebook or Internet in the evenings, but it's a lifeline for us with most of our friends living far away. But seriously well done for recognising it as a problem, and I hope the other niggles can be dealt with in due course.

Doli how was the dinner? As long as the company was enjoyable, and the conversation flowed then I'd imagine it was a success. And lucky you with your babysitter!

Eco how are you feeling today? Sounds like flu/being horrendously run down to me. And I don't think it's a coincidence that it's happened now that you're getting settled and things seem calmer. Hope you've had plenty of sleep and bad movies for company. Is dd a Cbeebies addict yet?

We had a really nice week away. Lots of walks on the beach and days out. My sister has some interesting opinions on child rearing and did get more than one dodgy look from me in the three days we shared with them. But as Doli says, what can you do? She'll quickly come down with a bump, I know I did! It was hard to stay patient at times, because mostly I felt judged. And she judges mumsnetters!
She thinks we're all huns! Pfft.

It took us six hours to get from Poole to Derbyshire yesterday. Ds only complained once or twice though, and once was only due to the ridiculous torrent of rain we sat in on the motorway. Like Gerry we managed to have a bit of a chat about the roles we each play in out relationship, and we've laid a few ground rules too. Once a month we will make time for a date night and ship ds off to one of his doting relatives. Every six weeks one of us gets to go out with our friends, stay over and have a bit of a blow out. It means we'll typically do one week together, one week he goes out, one week together, a night out together, a week together then I go out. Nice and equal. It should stop out martyr games, which I'm all too guilty of playing!
So what's the consensus for dealing with tantrums then? I'd love to do a Betty and be consistent with ignoring them. I do try to do that but I find it so, so hard. DH thinks I give in too easily! But he's a toughnut. I try to distract or give a snack if I suspect it's a blood sugar thing.

Tantrums: we ignore or distract. Or more often, both. Ignore the tantrum and go and do something else that looks really interesting. Tend to avoid snacks as it doesn't seem a good idea to start an association whereby not happy = eat something.

That's an association I'm wary of making, Stormy. It does often seem to be the case that he's peckish, so I guess from now on I'll try to be better with offering snacks before he gets into a state. But I'm also wary of feeding him when he's not really hungry, and overriding his natural 'I'm hungry' sense by making him eat according to a clock instead of his tummy. Tis a thinker.

The bugger is, there are approximately eleventy billion forms of fucked up eating. Snacks for tantrums is a potential route to one of them. Avoiding them all will probably prove impossible.

Bollocks.

If it makes you feel better, I have been known to bribe Fartypants to go in the playpen with a bit of biscuit. And at least you've got a son, he's likely to face much less pressure to have the perfect figure than a daughter, which is handy!

Sexy Saturday should be a thing shattered. It might remind us to have sex with our husbands (speaking of which Plonky, I saw what you did with your casual dh thrown into your post! Lovely!). Couldn't feel less sexy here. Hair unwashed since Thursday, grim from a thousand hot sweats, gammy eye, pyjamas, legs that need shaving. It's all pretty rank here. Thanks doctor Stormy for your diagnosis, I didn't waste the wakeful hours last night planning my funeral. I had flu once before, aged 22. A colleague took me to the doctor. The doctor told me I had flu. I protested 'no, you don't understand, I feel like I'm dying', he laughed and said ' that's flu alright'. I have accepted the annual vaccination due to being an asthmatic weakling annually ever since. But flu in august? How bloody rude. Day three now and no signs of any improvement. The days have a pattern. From three am until my first batch of ibuprofen have kicked in, so elevenish, are the most hellish hours. Sleep is hard to come by. Dear dear dh is doing all childcare. I am wallowing in bed but can only watch movies on the tablet from bed in the afternoon and evening. I can't even do that in the morning. Break it to me wise women, how much longer am I going to feel this bad? And what in hell do you do it the toddle gets it? I can't deal with the thought of her feeling like this.

Plonky and gerry, lovely to hear about your hols and hats off to you both for taking steps to improve things on the relationship front.

Right, I just did that thing where you drop the phone on your face because you're lying down so that's my cue to go!

Does food bribery really fk you up? I'm not so sure, because every single parent in the developed world uses it and not every child has food issues. I'd say the treat culture is what does the damage. Unhealthy options are made out to be treats. How many women make a big thing about 'oh I shouldn't' before taking a piece of cake? Kids pick up on that. Sweets, crisps, chocolate become naughty treats, not part of a normal diet, and that's not a healthy mindset. I may not have a sweet tooth myself, but the toddle has biscuits, fruit purees, sweet yoghurts, and the baby wotsit style crisps as part of what she eats. They aren't saved for special treats, they are given to her with her meals, and aren't withheld if she doesn't eat much savoury. That's the best I can do for her.

Shattered, if I'm honest bar the occasional piece of flapjack or rich tea biscuit I don't eat anything sweet other than fruit, and I don't eat a lot of that. Reason, I used to be a major major sugar addict, basically due to the hours I worked. I was at my desk by 7am, and usually still there at 10pm, so by default ate three meals a day at my desk. I also didn't take a lunch break, so I kind of fell into the habit or relying on biscuits and chocolate, and the caffeine in pepsi to keep me awake. Wrecked my health, and ended up getting a proper kick from a consultant endocrinologist who told me that if I didn't get a grip I'd be an insulin dependent diabetic within 6 months. That scared me, so I went cold turkey, and believe me it was tough. Insomnia, headaches, the works. Now here's the bit you won't believe, if you stop eating sugar you lose the taste for it. Now I really have to force sweet things down, they taste rank. I really don't like them. I couldn't eat a piece of cake, even to be polite. I'd probably gag.

But enough of the boring stuff. The dinner party.... OMG, did I say getting a baby sitter was a good idea? how wrong could a person be. Poor girl. I swear, she'll not be back !!! All was well until the guests arrived at which point the toddle realised she was missing out on something. If there is one thing a small person doesn't like it is missing out on something. So the trouble started. Cue hysterical manic screaming and epic tantrums of previously unseen proportions. So, the only thing for it was to put her on my knee at the dinner table, upon which she perked up no end, pinched all the trout out of my salad, raided the bread basket, and generally had a ball. Then she got tired.... so started running round the table, spinning round and round like a teenager on speed. Not good. Pingu and the playpen it was.

Put her in bed at 9pm, and let the poor frazzled sitter escape (with danger money in her pocket) and enjoyed a completely toddle free evening for the rest of the night as she was so knackered she'd have slept through a force 10 gale.

It was a completely fab evening though, I must get back into the habit. Food was a success, phew, and everyone got on really well. It doesn't get much better really. Well it would if I could have slept afterwards I guess. I was up, wide awake, until gone three. Most tedious.

Gerry so glad things are improving. Sometimes just saying what needs to be said is half the battle. It's when things fester the rot sets in. Good idea on facebook ban. We limit time on-line when we are together too, as it's so corrosive.

Eco only time I had proper flu I got signed off work for two weeks. It's a tough one to shift. Get lots of rest, and drink lots of fluids. Feel better soon.

Gosh sounds like you've scared that one off good and proper Doli! Perhaps if you ever dare try a babysitter again you should opt for a matronly, buxom, nhs nurse type?

I'm not sure on the snacking as a potential route to problems. Surely being hungry and frustrated with a lack of verbal communication is the perfect storm to a tantrum. It's easy for us tall grown ups with our fine motor skills and wallets etc, we can have food at will. The only way a toddler gets that is to scream bloody murder! I will think on it some more.

eco I've never had flu. By all accounts it's shit. I've had laryngitis though and it sounds similarly shit. Hope the recovery is swift, thoughi understand flu knocks you on your arse unlike anything else. Do you also require a large bosomed matron to whip you into shape? I'm currently reading Atonement and all the nurses say things like 'buck up! It could be worse, that chap's had his face shot clean orf'. So.

If hunger is causing or exacerbating a strop, then by all means offer food! It's more the snack as distraction to defuse a tantrum that I'm not too keen on, because it means feeding to keep a child quiet rather than because they're hungry. Obviously won't always cause problems, but could potentially lead to a stress + frustration = food response. But I'm not an expert so feel free to ignore me!

doli I found exactly the same about losing the taste for sugar after being 7 months sugar free although do still like some sweet things as we continued to use raw honey and eat a lot of fruit. Also agree about not making any foods seem forbidden and certainly won't be doing that when DD is older. For now she has very little idea about processed sugar or processed foods generally so I see no reason to give it to her as part of her normal diet but if we are out and about or with other people having something like that we dont make a big deal out of it and she can join in. She certainly had her fair share of cake today at our local village summer fair!

No idea about snacking as a diversion but we certainly do it here. DD generally refuses to eat or snack quite clearly when not hungry so I generally assume if she accepts the snack she is likely to be hungry. Snacks are just ordinary food so I genuinely don't think she has developed the idea of eating with no hunger.

eco our 8 hour flight is to Florida for pleasure! I can't wait but am dreading two things - takeoff and landing when DD has to be sat on my lap strapped in and won't be allowed down no matter how many times she yells "down!" (this happened the other day while on a moving land train and led to the most spectacular tantrum on being told she had to stay seated - did not fill me with confidence) and also the jet lag which I have no idea how DD with react too. But I think I have managed to be in denial about these things mostly and just tried to focus on the amazing time we will have!

Rainbow same here, the toddle doesn't eat when she is full. Today we were out all morning so she had an Ella's nibbly biscuit for a snack. She ate about half then handed the rest back to me and asked for her water. Life is so simple when you are one!

OOh where in Florida are you going Rainbow? if you say Sanibel I may have to kill you and go in your place

I think I'm in agreement - ds is not yet in the habit of snacking when not actually hungry. Something I'm neurotically trying to hold on to, having used food as an emotional crutch myself for years. Although I completely agree with nothing being 'off the menu' - that's a sure fire way to ensure your kid is that kid at a party. The one who eats a gazillion biscuits and makes a right twat of themselves and never gets invited anywhere as a result.

Ooh Betty you had to go and mention Sanibel! I'm more of a Captiva girl myself though

Rainbow have you flown with dd before? I have read on MN that whipping a boob out is a cure all in these scenarios. We have a 4 hour flight in September and I'm already dreading that - we must compare strategies!

Plonky I've never been to either but I really really really want to! We've got a week off in December that I'd like to go to the US for but it's not really beach weather then even in Florida!

It's beautiful there. December's cooler but still warm enough - and flights, accommodation etc are about half the price of February to September! Unlike other American Islands it doesn't close fully for winter, it's just not touristy at that time of year. Do it! Christmas on the beach!

I saw a doctor. They looked at my throat and recoiled. No further investigation required! Bacterial tonsillitis. 'have you LOOKED at your throat?' she asked. Er, no, but I have now and I wish I hadn't. Ten days of eight antibiotics a day. That makes me a bit but she says I'll not feel any better without them and right now I'd take horse tranquilisers if they made me feel better. Mystery solved at least. I guess the moral of the story is don't get stressed and exhausted!

I once sent a thank you card to a pharmacist for 'saving my life' by recommending gargling with soluble aspirin when I had that. Some relief after 3 days without any sleep. I nearly married him!!! Get well soon Eco, proper horrid.

Eco that's miserable, I feel so sorry for you. Is there anyone who can come and stay so you can just sleep for a week? Mil? Friend? Can DH get time off? You've run yourself ragged, and must be feeling awful. I hope the antibiotics kick in quickly.

All well here. The toddle had returned to a more normal level of drinking, so I think last week's effort was down to heat, habit, and the novelty of carrying a water bottle everywhere. Nappies are still normal though, and long may that last. There are many things I would like to focus on of a morning, aside from the whether her smallest one has had a sufficient dose of prunes for breakfast

DH is now working half time-ish at his old place, and half time-ish on his new projects which means much more time at home, and much less rushing about here there and everywhere in the manner of a 40-something heading for a heart attack. The realist in me knows this is the calm before the storm of him getting his teeth into something really crunchy and thinking up all kind of mad cap bankrupting schemes, but I'm enjoying it anyway. Anyone else married to a workaholic mad man or is it just me?

It's nap time, I love the one nap a day schedule.

Can I marry you Wotta? Great tip.

Doli we moved to one nap a day yesterday for first time. Same again today. Other than short fuse pre lunch time (her mum's daughter) she seemed fine and slept well both for nap and overnight. Have you been doing it long Doli? If so can you recall how long the irritableness lasted? And, I say 'we' switched to one nap, what I actually meant was dh switched to one nap. He's cancelled his engagements and stayed home. He's on fourth day of full time daddying and doing a great job. I'm very grateful.Ecotod is happy, food is getting prepped, the dishwasher is being emptied. My rare foray downstairs has uncovered a building pile of 'stuff'. You know the stuff....the stuff that only one person in the house notices and deals with. But I can't complain about that! I wish it meant that I could sleep all day but as Wotta said, sleep is hard to come by when you have two golf balls in your throat. I cannot believe I didn't notice them. Bloody grisly! But I'm having to do nothing at all so that is a blessed relief. Thanks for your wishes.

sounds like your dh is like you pre wake-up with regards work. You sound like you were quite workaholic? Maybe this new direction is an opportunity to negotiate a ceiling level of commitment to work in light of babax and possible health issues?

eco that sounds truly horrible - I hope the antibiotics kick in soon and you start feeling better.

betty sanibel looks amazing but we are going to Orlando as per DH's 30th birthday wish. Staying in some awesome hotels near various parks so should be fun although probably exhausting holiday!

plonky my strategy for the plane has so far been to pick up lots of party bag type little toys like stretchy yellow men, key rings and a load of stickers. I really can't anticipate how DD is going to handle the plane. Its either going to be ok and exhausting or a plain nightmare depending on her mood but we figured it's a tiny part of the whole holiday and worth the pain! We are trying to make it as easy as possible by staying at the airport the night before, buying fast track at security and the airport lounge and ensuring DD doesn't get on the plane until the last second possible. We will see if these things help!

Is anyone else toddle developing a strong stubborn and defiant streak at the moment? DD has always been very compliant with instructions and we know she understands everything we ask her but the last couple of days when we have asked her to do something like put some food back on her plate which she dropped on the table (something she has always done without hesitation) she looks at us from under her eyelashes, grinning and says "no thank you"! At least she is being polite!