Dec 08 - The One where they take on the world (school)

[DeidreBarlow]

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Vag, what's the robot thing? But yes!
Actually our bike trailer says 40kg limit but it's so well made I reckon it'd take double that!

Summer yes! You've forgotten. Dh and ds oh and lately dd are obsessed with scalextrics. Our garage has never housed a car. It's home to a roughly 15 meter scalextric track which I have talked dh into making smaller to enable us to actually open the garage door. They have about 25 cars I reckon. Come over!

Oh and thanks vag about the school / angry talk thing. Made me feel heaps better.

Sorry Summer I meant directions. I was making a pizza base yesterday afternoon (literally all afternoon, as it took 3 hrs in total to ferment) so the word recipe came to mind more readily than the correct word. It was quite hilarious, because it entailed a lot of soldering the boys mainly just watched their father burn himself. He actually broke one of the switches and the robot ended up just going around in circles. However, this morning DS1 saved the day and after fiddled with it for a few minutes, fixed it. DH maintained that trouble shooting problems is an excellent tool for teaching children. Ironically, that is actually the subject of that paper I was proofreading, though I still find the whole robot debacle quite funny.

Rubes I laughed out loud at you having to talk DH into making bit smaller. When we move home DH and the boys will need a man shed for sure.

Glad the ramble helped Rubes and I did reread it and it sounded a bit psychobabble, but anger often makes me think of dealing with parents when giving them bad news or when they were just having to deal with having a very unwell child in hospital. Generally the mums would be all teary and we would all sympathize with them and pat them and get them cups of tea, we could deal with sad. But often the dads would react in anger, I guess partly from feeling out of control but also it is an emotion they can express (ie crying is often suppressed in men). But their ability to recognise their anger and the way they react with the anger means that us nurses just took against them. Who likes someone angry at them when they are just doing their job. I often thought it would be good to do a study on it and to in turn educate nurses to deal with parents and relatives who have this angry reaction. Sorry rambling again.

Hello ladies! Just had a cheeky day to myself in London. DP moaned a bit but I said I was going anyway (virtually every weekend he has work to do and I do the childcare and I just feel a bit frazzled). Went round the National Gallery, bought some new trainers as my others are 7yrs old and falling off my feet - just heaven.

Good to see you back, Summer! I need to check the meet up thread re: half term London meet up, are you coming? I can only do Mon. The girls have done 6mths of ballet but the teacher has got another job so I don't know if we'll carry on. Probably will. DD1 is starting an afterschool club of 'dance'. Not much swimming and biking here but thinking about piano. I'm too lazy to take them to loads of stuff, also - not driving and living in the country makes such things quite hard.

Don't fret about DS, Rubes. (Or the teacher's motives which I am certain were entirely benign). It sounds like he is more envious than upset, truly! So how does it stand with the mortgage guys? So you and DH are ok about not doing the year in Aust? When is your next trip?

Ok, so I have booked us a week in Fuerteventura at the end of Nov. Am taking DD1 out of school. The Head isn't too chuffed but I'll live with that. DP needs a break and his gaps never coincide with half term. I won't take her out again in the future (probably) but as kids don't legally have to be in school until the term after which they turn 5, I have decided there's leeway this term. Er...I am not a massive fan of the Canaries (I quite liked Tenerife) but we just want a bit of family time. And to be able to read outside with a t shirt on. (That's mainly me).

Blimey Indith, that sounds like one of my geriatric cycles! Mind you, I've had hem all my life. Betcha were worried there awhile.

Jam, you have a bouncing boy doing a dance on your bladder in a bucket of water. You are allowed a spot of leakage. And moan all you like!

Beans, you are a hero for taking all the girls swimming. Seriously in awe.

Yay to the job, Nolda. Am pleased for you! Bet it feels good!

Your boys are busy bees, Vag. I actually like the recorder. It's much maligned. It can actually sound beautiful. No, I am not on drugs

Watched (half of) Lincoln last night. Was expecting broadbrush biopic with popular appeal. Amazingly it was incredibly dry, complicated and hinging on some political points which I struggled to grasp. Will watch the rest tonight, but man.

I wonder if the new Bridget Jones book is annoying and shit. Maybe I'll borrow it from the library

Hello hello!

Quick one from me as I've got the house to myself for a short window (this NEVER happens).

Have been trying to keep up with reading but of course too much to cram into my tiny brain so can't remember much.

Did want to say a huge hello to spot though - our paths haven't crossed for ages have they? Sorry to hear you're not enjoying the job much - what a bummer after you spent so long looking for one. Will you be keeping an eye out for others or are you just going to stick at it for a while? Is DP happy to stay where you are at the moment?

Also wanted to send out a virtual squeeze to Vag my wayward DS buddy. How is his schoolwork going?

Tbh the main reason I haven't posted for a while is DS's situation, which seems to be taking up all my head space at the moment. You might remember the Special Needs teacher was going to have a look at him a couple of weeks ago. Well she did and she didn't have anything useful to say tbh. I've spoken to his teacher lots and he does seem to have improved a bit, although she is keeping him in at playtimes and lunchtimes to finish work (but not as much as before). So school seems to be a bit better perhaps.

However, DS has started all kinds of weird behaviours such as compulsive handwashing, avoiding touching things, touching things twice, as well as an array of tics from repeated throat clearing to nodding, shoulder shrugs, grimacing, you name it ... I've been driving myself insane Googling. ADD, OCD, Tourette's - you name it, he's got the symptoms. And all from nowhere - none of it happened until all this crap from school. Basically he's terrified of the teacher, thinks she is conspiring with others to get him expelled, thinks he's stupid and ugly (WTF?). It's horrible to watch. The tics have calmed a lot in the last few days and the handwashing has stopped, but he is still doing lots of odd stuff. That combined with a lot of other symptoms he's had for a while but I'd never really taken much notice of (such as digestive problems, dark circles under eyes, sensitive teeth & other stuff) has made me think it's time to seek medical advice.

So I took him to the doctor's the other day and she's referring him to the community paediatrician. I'm hoping it's just something that's been triggered by anxiety and perhaps exacerbated by an allergy or nutritional deficiency of some kind (magnesium deficiency ticks a lot of boxes). Bloody hell it's exhausting.

Hopefully I'll look back in a few months and laugh at myself for being so neurotic but even if it turns out to be a passing thing it's still not very nice to think of DS being so miserable at school and so down on himself. It also makes me think school is going to be a long, hard struggle for us all over the next 12 years .

Right, DP and DD back so best be off.

But before I go is the meet-up still on? Last time I looked it was probably going to be Monday or Tuesday. I'm going to try and come along whichever day but I'll have my sis visiting so I probably won't be able to stay long. Would be lovely to see some of you - it's been ages.

I think I am officially middle aged. A bunch of us were invited to join our local WI on Friday morning And then yesterday, in the supermarket, DP bought me some slippers with pretend fur inside and a Christmas magazine. And I actively looked forward to both.

Please tell me middle aged things you all do to make me feel better. Having been in London today I've seen loads of 40yr old hipsters who look like they're grooving it up in Shoreditch, rather than shovelling the kids into bed whilst wearing furry slippers then snoring through The Great British Bake Off.

Ha I love it LadyT. Will have to wrack my brains for something (not that I don't do middle aged stuff you understand, just that I can't remember any - would kill for a brain that's only middle aged and not teetering on the edge of senility). Do you ever listen to Shaun Keaveny's breakfast show on 6music? (if not you should - love him). He does a feature called middle aged shout out where people text in the middle aged stuff they're doing and he reads them out to a dodgy urban backing track. Funnier than it sounds but here's the facebook page - perhaps we could play middle aged shout out bingo.

Massive hello to poison!!

Lady, Funny you should ask about house. It's all quite complicated & really too hard to explain here, but it's been a shitty arsed weekend, helped along by the crapola weather. Dh has been in a foul mood and it's taken me all weekend it get to the bottom of it. He doesn't listen to my earlier doubts and always has his head in the clouds and optimistic, chases my doubts a way, then panics at the 11th hour & discusses things I feared earlier. Makes me furious. Anyway must / will return in a better frame of mind!!

Oh, and I've got a load of Middle aged stuff lady! Will make you feel better with it all shortly!!

What's wrong with slippers and the Bake Off?

X-posted with you PD. Oh my gracious, that is awful about DS. Poor baby Just putting girls to bed (late) but will be back tomow.

We went to a very hip venue here a week ago and saw Tony Hadley....no that's not helping me seem like a cool 40 year old is it. I did see Kate Nash by myself the week before, still not cool. Saturday nights in this house do nothing to help my cause and might out me as a naughty lady, but still very old.

Poison that sounds quite hard for your DS, have you spoken to school about your concerns? Through it all school has always made us feel that is it a problem on their side, that they need to work out how to engage him. We get a bit miffed that they keep at it as we feel he'll get there eventually and we feel part of it is having to meet their govt targets. But generally we are happy with how they are dealing with him, they don't seem to be putting any pressure on him.

So Lady will you be taking up the WI invitation?

Sorry poison. Somehow I missed your first post only seeing the second. Sorry to hear the struggles ds is having. Will read back again tomorrow and hope to see you soon x

pd sounds tricky. Is there just one class for his year or could you think of asking to move him if it's all been triggered by clash with the teacher? Don't blame you for being worried. i would definitely speak to school as well as going down the medical route.

I am definitely quite middle aged. Currently have back issues, which is a very middle aged ailment, I generally feel creaky and old.

Don't think I can make meet up as we are going to York for a long weekend at the start of half term.

PD that does sound worrying about your DS. Is his teacher aware how the stress of school seems to be affecting him? I think I'd expect her to lay off all 'punishments' like staying in to finish work. Maybe she could think of using more carrots and fewer sticks to encourage him to concentrate. Are you happy with her as a teacher or do you think your DS has picked up on some real issues with her? If the latter I would also raise it with the Head. If its any comfort my neice showed lots of OCD behaviours aged about seven after she lost her grandfather, she got some therapy and is now the happiest most well adjusted 19 year old.

SL, lovely to see you. DD2 does a couple of classes (swimming and a THREE hour dance class on a Sat morn). She started these things earlier than DD1 as she wanted to do what her sister was doing. I agree with Veg about not rushing things, once clubs and hobbies start they feel never ending.

Oh and Lady I am very middle aged. I get excited about new murder mystery TV series. On Saturday I stayed out past midnight and thought I was really rock and roll before realising I was the first to leave the party and I was the only one to decline to participate in drinking games because I didn't want to ruin a nice family Sunday.

We need to nail down the meet-up. Who is going to make the call of Mon V Tues?

I can't do either now, I'm afraid. Really sorry, but I haven't seen Mum's new house yet and it's the only time she can do on Monday-Tuesday and I'm keen to go and stay. Sorry! Useless me.

PD I'm with Arti there. Not yet much experience of schools etc as DD1 is my first one, but the teacher seems to be worrying DS. can he move classes at all?

DD1 sick AGAIN last night. Am very concerned the school are going to start thinking I'm keeping her off for no reason, but her temperature was 38.9 this morning and she's tucked up in bed now. This is her 5th day off school this turn. Although admittedly, 3 of them were while I was giving birth. But still, its not ideal and I don't want her to get a reputation as a sliver. Or me, as her mother!

PS I love Midsomer Murders. I'm pretty sure that qualifies me for the middle aged gang. And I would like a pair of zip up fur lined tartan slippers.

And I have to pluck spikey white hairs out of my chin and eyebrows. And I have a whole patch of white pubes. I think I may have gone beyond middle age to old age... Dribble.

Hello PD! I'm so sorry to hear about your worries with DS,is he YR 1? It does sound like the teacher isn't particularly helpful with her keeping him in to finish work etc. He's too young for for that sort of thing, and if he's probably feeling too much pressure. Poor thing!

After school activities, mine both swim which means I'm at the pool for about 2 hours as they are at different times - I hate Thursdays! However,they both love it and in a matter of weeks DS has learnt to swim without floats. Then both of them go to a Youth Club type thing at our Church. DS goes straight after school till 5pm. DD goes from 6.30-8pm (for juniors). But that's it, just 2 nights! I figure they school can be tiring enough so a bit of down time does them good.

I am middle aged! I look forward to Downton & Doc Martin more than anything!! Not a fan of Midsomer Murders but I am partial to Lewis.

Anyone else's DC ready for the half term break? Poor DS has had a really bad cough and temp for the past few days. I have sent him to school today as he seems a bit brighter but i had to drag him out of bed this morning. He's exhausted, definitely ready for a break!

My foot is okay Rubes, still a bit sore at times. Some days I can hardly feel it and think I might try a run but then the next day it can be quite painful. I went swimming the other day,that was good as it really didn't affect it at all. So I will try a few more sessions of that and hope it gets better asap. Rather bizarrely though I have dropped a few pounds since I've cut back the running, despite feeling more wobbly again. But i have been low carbing so it may be that.

Hi - Been waiting for the Gas man to come in the 9-12 slot, and of course he's just arrived at 1145 however got to have a lovely 2 hour Skype with my bestest friend ever back home. Well overdue. I was thinking about you Vag, as it was nice (and funny) to hear so many Aussie-isms that I just never ever hear anymore, so she was dropping lot's of "spewin" and her sister being a "bludger" into the covo. It was just rolling off her tongue, so funny! Really wish we lived nearer each other.

I'm considerably less angry than I was at the weekend. After chatting to my friend and hearing the stresses they've been through, it kind of puts it into perspective.

Poison, hope things get sorted out in the best way for ds, and that you do look back in a few months and wonder what the worry was. The stress surrounding kids just seems to get more and more! Not sure I can cope! Guess it's a bit late to think that though

Better post this as been chatting to the gas man - mostly about cycling oddly as he's more keen on discussing dh's route to work after noticing all the million wheels hanging in the garage!

Urgh. The morning gotten away again.....

Hmmmm. DD2 is on half term. I thought that each day she could do a fun activity with the au pair so that they bond (DD2 still very wary of the au pair). An hour ago I set them up to make cupcakes and then I said I would be in my room while DS naps (he only naps on my chest). I am now sitting up here and I just heard DD2 crying saying that she wanted me then the au pair said "Mummy has gone out". DD2 went ballistic saying I had not said goodbye and had promised to just be upstairs. THe au pair said I was at the shops. DD2 now whimpering quietly to herself. What do I do? Go downstairs and say I was here all the time and make DD2 even less trusting of the au pair or go in and say I have been out which will make DD2 sad that I left her without warning and will probably make her more clingy? Urgh. Why did the au pair lie?

Hmmm Arti - the Au Pair may have just said that as she didn't want dd to disturb you, so probably innocent - but not smart. I would possibly waltz in and then explain to dd that the au pair must have thought you went out but you hadn't left yet (although planning to) but you were still upstairs as ds had fallen asleep, and you'd never leave without saying goodbye..... Or something similar. Then it will get you both off the hook, however, def have a private word with the au pair about it that she shouldn't have said that.

Arti I would go down and tell her you were just upstairs and that the au pair got it wrong.

Then say to au pair that you came down cos you heard dd crying. Maybe mention to au pair that you'd rather she didn't tell lies about you being out as dd will get upset if you haven't said bye. I am sure she is trying to help by making out that getting you isn't an option. A bit daft but reckon she means well

I am going to lay off the activities then. Feel a bit guilty but life is so busy as it is. Maybe start swimming next term. Ds is not bothered on football fortunately which would be the other obvious thing so think I'll leave that.

Beans haha at white pubes - and I thought my grey hair was bad not noticed any white pubes yet though!

I look forward to Downton too - much to hilarity of most of my work mates who think this is very sad.