March 2013 - 6 months down, 210 to go!

[StormyBrid]

Old thread.

Keep on rambling, ladies, we have a whole new thread to fill!

Wise words from worse there, SoYo. Is DH getting a lie in on Sunday though? If so, if I were you I'd point out that there's only one lie in available, so maybe you should toss a coin for it rather than it being his by default.

worse it's a difficult one - in an ideal world it's lovely for one parent to stay home with a newborn but in some cases it's just not realistic. Must admit that I can't imagine leaving DD with a stranger now let alone as a newborn but I fully accept that some women don't fit the expected norm of how a mum should be towards her children and using childcare early is not intrinsically bad. Although your friend's reasons for having children are very odd but you never know it might be a defence mechanism against judgement she probably faces from many people from not doing and acting as she "should"!

Just in case any of what I said came across wrong (a particular talent of mine) I am 100% completely totally and utterly behind working mothers. Life is about balance, and being happy in yourself

Speaking of happy I am unspeakably happy after dd cleared a weeks worth of rubbish out of her system . It has rather put me off my dinner though...

Yay worse for the nappy explosion.

In terms of women going back to work its not just about leaving your newborn its about if you are physically able to go back to work. 8 months down the line and I still feel like shit. Exhaustion and anemia has a lot to do with it.You havent offended me anyway.

kf that must be tough! Apart from sleep deprivation I was basically back to normal the day after DD was born. I did find generally that work made me feel physically better and back to myself as well because it felt like a break which is why I am grateful I could combine everything early on so easily without having to use childcare. But I am one of those just get on with it kind of people. Everyone is different and I think going back to work is tough enough without added physical burdens.

worse nothing wrong said just an interesting point about working mums and different attitudes to working dads. You are absolutely right about it being all about balance!

Come on, the Worselet!

KF I was begging to get back to work Months ago. I found the very young baby phase incredibly hard (and I have an easy baby). I think it's slightly a case of grass is always greener. I miss him terribly now I'm working, but we are slowly finding that balance. I'm of the work to live (not live to work) ilk anyway. I hope your dh finds the right balance.

SoYo that goes for you too (and no I don't think yabu). Oh and to answer your earlier question, we will be drinking Gavi.

Rainbow that didn't come across very well. I understand the point you're trying to make but when we're here to support one another through genuine stress and difficulty it's not entirely helpful for you to say you're just the type to get on with things. We are all just getting on with it - what else can we do? Please take the time to consider the connotations of your wording, as I think you may be in danger of alienating one or two posters. For instance, some of us work in shitty low paid grunt work jobs and have no option but to leave our babies with strangers. Doesn't make us any lesser parents for it.

Speaking of, I am definitely hanging my bottle opener permanently on the shelf. I still hate my job (dur, what did I expect?) though I had a nice day today because I was driving a can around the dales for eight hours. However ill not be going in tomorrow as I hate them have a rotten cold and a still poorly baby. Seriously, projectiling a whole bottle across the room and all over daddy is not fun.

And another load of sick. Lovely. DS now curled up next to me being very cute and snory. Seven hours until I can get a dr out.

Aw hope Babysaurus doing better today.

I don't regard myself as having had a 'bad' birth, reasonably quick labour at under 19hrs start to finish, lots of time in birth pool, v little pain control, but I had an emergency transfer in an ambulance and a ventouse delivery as well. It was 6 weeks before going to the toilet for a bm didn't make me scared, about 4 before I could face walking further than a potter round the shops. The baby blues left me crying for hours at a time for weeks days. I am one of life's copers, and was knocked sideways by how hard it all was. All is good now, but I am so glad I had the time to settle into enjoying being a mum rather than just surviving it.

plonky gosh not what I meant at all! Sorry if that's what you read into an off the cuff remark - just meant that you do what you have to do in life. I had very little choice about working early on so I just got on with it. Thought we were talking about how to face work even in tough situation so apologies if caused offence. I genuinely found work as being very useful in the healing process that's all! And if you reread my posts you will see I support fully using childcare to work - I do it now myself. My desire to work doesn't make it any easier to leave DD with someone else - I think that's a completely normal feeling that has been expressed here many times before. Pretty sure I have only expressed support for working mums not implying they are lesser parents for it - otherwise I am too!

pud you are right about it being nice to have time to settle especially if you had a tough time and it's nice to have that luxury to take it slowly.

plonky hope your little one is feeling better and your night is not too tough.

I should add if anyone has any tips for managing anxiety over leaving DD in childcare it would be much appreciated - up to now I have been able to combine the work and looking after DD by working every evening and weekend but increasing my hours means it's inevitable that I now need to use childcare properly and it's tough even though I am not cut out to stay at home.

Wors you are indeed very wise and so right, thank you. I have a terrible habit of only looking at things from my perspective and getting a bit flouncy. I will be looking at you for all future advice in how not to bugger things up.

As for careers, I won't be giving mine up but it won't ever be our priority again. I'll be part time and may step off the consultant track altogether to allow more flexibility. It isn't what I imagined before having DD but we couldn't both be full time in surgical jobs and expect to ever see her. In my opinion and that is all it is and may be very wrong something has to give when you have a baby. You may not want it to, you may want to have everything you had before plus a baby but you can't. Some people sacrifice work and some sacrifice time with their babies. If I was being completely honest in the first 6m I'd have gladly sacrificed time with her not now she's fun though but that would have been the right thing for me but the wrong thing for her, different strokes for different folks though (and Wors, right or wrong, I too would have had my judgy pants hoiked). It would never make sense for DH and I both to be part time or for one of us to do it for a bit then the other, one of our careers had to be the priority. The reason it was his isn't because he's the man but because he loves it. It's like his hobby and job all rolled into one and he works his ass off for it. I love my job when I'm at work but like to leave it there so don't do all the extra CV building etc I should.

In terms of after birth, I'm sure I could have gone back to work quickly but I wouldn't have been too much use, my head was a shed! I'm sure everyone, me included, likes to think of themselves as a just get on with it type of person, I think in all honesty I'm a 'get on with but moan like fuck about it while I do it' type of person! Sometimes it's just not that easy though or more likely, you're just not that lucky. I was determined to be out and about right away so was going for walks with the dog and baby from day 1, really what I should have been doing is lying in my pyjamas, learning how to be a mum and concentrating on not feeling like the world was going to fall out of my arse.

Anyhoo, I went out for dinner last night, without a baby, and had a cocktail, and talked about mostly babies normal things. It was bliss!

Rainbow, my friend really struggled at first but she said she had to change the way she thought about childcare. Initially she was thinking of it as leaving her DD with someone that didn't know them like she did etc but now she thinks of it as employing a professional who is trained well to do that job, just as you would for anything else in life. She also says at first she was all "what if they forget that she likes her pre-nap milk in this cup with this teddy" but quickly realised she wants a child that can adapt and understands that there are other people there that need things too and they can't always have everything. A lesson probably easier learned at a young age! I think it's something that's inevitably bloody hard at first but will just naturally get easier with time.

Rainbow yes I'm sure it was just a case of crossed wires. It does rather insinuate that others aren't the type of people to just get on with it, but I know what you meant. Hmm anxiety...it gets easier. Just give it time. If after a few months you still panic about leaving her then you need to find an alternative solution, like working from homework while a nanny has dd. we have no choice, it's the nursery or I don't work. Looking at it that way has given me a swift kick up the bum.

However I'll be the first to admit I'm terrible at just getting on with it. Having a baby has made me realise I'm quite cowardly, and frankly, rubbish at coping with everyday life. Other women are superheroes. Not me.

I suspect ds has rotavirus, or some kind of baby d&v on top of a heavy cold. Our house stinks. I stink. We've run out of clean vests. He's managing to keep water down but nappies are mucusy so I'm getting a doctor out this afternoon. He was up a lot in the night, I don't even know how many nappies we've changed. I seriously hope this is just a 24 hour thing.

SoYo sounds like you had a much deserved break! good!

Plonky is sounds like rotavirus, slightly sweet but awful smell, yellow and mucousy or watery, that's what DD had last week. I had to open loads of windows despite the cold to try and blow the smell away! The most important thing is hydration. If he's still eating give him foods high in fluid like fruits/purees etc and more frequent sips or water/milk etc. you can't do anything about it other than wait it out but keep an eye out for signs of dehydration as that's a sign that babies need closer monitoring. We were lucky that DD kept eating a little and upped her milk feeds so still had plenty of wet nappies. Poor both of you!

Thanks SoYo. I was googling symptoms at 3am. He can't keep milk down (breast milk must be easier on their tummies than formula), and I'm certain he's lost weight. I'll try him with fruit later as yesterday all he managed to eat was fruit, he seems to have no appetite. I'm offering water whenever he's awake, but he onLy wants to sleep right now. Thank goodness he was chunky to begin with.

plonky i hope ds gets better soon. Sounds like he is having a tough time. Dont be so hard on yourself. You are doing a fab job with ds and this sickness period will soon be over. Remember we have survived 8months. They say teenage years are hardest but we will ignore that for now.

soyo glad you had some 'me' time. You deserve it.

rainbow i have yet to leave ds with childminder/nursery so I dont think i can give you advice. When i left ds with my mum the first time i was emotional amd she is someone i knew but now im fine. My point is the begining will be hard but it should get easier after awhile. Usually the babies are fine with the new childcare but the parents are a bag of nerves.

Sorry if my posts seemed whiny yesterday. It seemed i was coming down with something. I wanted to be in bed all day instead of singing nursery rhymes and running around after him. We had a good sleep and i think im fighting the illness. Ds slept until 8. First time ever. I had to go into check he was breathing. I really do love motherhood just not when i am 100% and having great anxiety about going back to work. I just hope they accept me going back part time.

Plonky sounds like DS is having a grim time of it. Give him a cuddle from me.

Yay for cocktails and baby-free time, SoYo!

Not much to add to the childcare discussion, as DD is always with a family member. It's a bit different because she knows her family so they're not strangers, but we still have to get used to everyone caring for her in a slightly different way. The main thing is she's clean, fed, entertained, and happy. We try not to worry about the particulars too much.

worse I am glad there's been an explosion at last. I was thinking of inviting you up to Hull and taking you for lunch. There's a place round the corner, lovely food, baby friendly, and their cole slaw has a nuclear effect on the bowels. In adults it just induces criminal farts. In babies it provokes a major clearout. DD had a chip dipped in it yesterday and two hours later we had the biggest, soggiest, stinkiest nappy for weeks.

Yeah he's not a happy boy. Soyo tried to give him a little fruit purée as suggested. No joy .

I hate seeing him like this.

Keep offering the water then Plonky. That's all you can do really. Poor sausage. What time is doc? Lots of love to babysaurus.

Ohh plonk, so sorry that DS is having a rough time of it. I hope it's just one of the 24 hour things, possibly made worse by the impending teeth. I'm sure he'll be back to his usual, smiley self in no time. I'm not a medical professional, but I'd prescribe a huge dose of cuddles, and fruit if that's what he wants

worse hooray for poo! DS has taken to not chewing food so I often find whole pieces of carrot and blueberries. Lovely.

soyo so glad you got to celebrate in style! Sounds like a great night!

I certainly wasn't ready to get back to normal after DS's birth as I couldn't even walk for a few days after the surgery, and couldn't lift anything heavier than DS for 6 weeks. Now that maternity pay is running out, I do have to go back to work. I'm going back on reduced hours because it just works out easier for childcare. He'll be going to a childminder about 3 days a week and has got a taster day next week. Where has all the time gone?!

DS is having a sleepover at his grandma's tonight so we're ordering Chinese, watching movies and having a long lie in in the morning before we go off to visit some newborn twins and my uterus screams at me

Oh Plonky, poor wee mite. Just keep doing what you're doing, there's nothing else can be done and you're doing a great job of it. As long as he's drinking plenty he'll be ok but definitely get the Dr to see him and if you're worried he's getting worse or not drinking enough then pop to A&E. there's no point at all sitting at home worrying, the worst that happens is they tell you he's fine and you go home again but even that's often worth it just for the reassurance.

I can't believe I'm going to confess this but I have once again embarrassed myself greatly! I waxed my furry tache top lip and slapped a load of sudocrem on to stop me getting a rash tache instead. I then promptly forgot about it and took the girls for a walk, I was halfway round the park before I realised why the few people I'd seen were looking at me strangely.

Oh Plonky poor little babysaurus. The worselet sends him a big hug, as do I. I hope all goes well at the doctor and he (and you) feel better soon.

Soyo I think you're right, we can't really have it all, something has to give somewhere as babies are people not commodities, and love takes time, and time is not infinite. You are right to keep your toe in the door and your career ticking along though as babies grow up, start school, and given how hard you have worked to get where you are it would be a shame to close too many doors too early. You can be a consultant if you want, just a bit later than your DH. No one says you have to be, but never say never.

As for me, I'd better run as we're off down the pub for a 'naice' lunch as it's my birthday . 2013 has been a great year for me. New baby, new start, nice sparkly present and lunch. I think you could say the Worse is finally happy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WONDERFUL WISE WORS

That is indeed a good year and much deserved. So what sparkly item did you get? Sorry but I'm very nosey and also like a magpie!

Have a lovely lunch, I hope now that the Worselet has given you her birthday present of a nice full nappy she holds off another for the duration of a lovely meal!

Happy birthday worse! Have a lovely day. Go on tell us what sparkly present you got.

soyo that is hilarious. Hope you can see the funny side to it now.

I can definitely see the funny side, I was chuckling as I was wiping it off in the park and then rang my best mate immediately to allow her to laugh at me too!