The StuntNun guide to sleep training
Caution: may only work with babyStunt. Also it will take a couple of weeks to work. And if you're in sleep regression then it won't be so effective until after the regression is over.
N.B. The three initial steps are done simultaneously.
Step 1: Feeding
I suspect J was catching up on his meals at nighttime and he was also using feeding to get himself back to sleep. I started a feeding schedule of 2 am, 7, 11, 2 pm, 5, 7.30, 10.30 to make sure he was getting plenty of milk during the day. I don't stick rigidly to these times; if he wakes at 6.15 then I feed him, I don't make him wait until 7. Also the 2 am feed has been pushing back later and later so he is getting a bigger block of solid sleep after his dream feed compared to when I started three weeks ago.
Step 2: Napping
I call this 'Sleep by any means necessary''. I aim for nap times of 9, 12 and 3.30-4ish (he doesn't always want an afternoon nap). I don't let him sleep past 5 so sometimes I have to wake him up. Again these are flexible times, a reminder of when I need to be looking for signs of sleepiness. Sometimes he yawns but usually eye-rubbing or the thousand-yard-stare let me know he's tired. I aim for a wind-down time of half an hour where we don't do anything too exciting - no tickling, TV, etc. I pull the curtains so it's darkish in the room, put J in his sleeping bag and give him his cuddly rabbit that he only gets at sleep time. When he was feeding to sleep I gave him the cuddly rabbit then as well to make a new sleep association. Sleep by any means necessary means I will cuddle, rock, sing quietly, pace, dummy, put him in the sling / pram / car, whatever it takes to make sure he gets some nap time. I try to avoid feeding to sleep, unless he is actually hungry.. The important thing is for him to get some daytime sleep so that he can sleep better at night. Over time I have managed to stop needing to feed him to sleep at nap times and he is now sleeping in his cot (all toys and mobile removed) for at least some of the nap time. For the noon nap I do often end up cuddling him while he sleeps. One thing to watch out for is getting him up too soon. Sometimes he wakes crying after 45 minutes and it seems like he has finished his nap but with a bit of help he will go back to sleep for another 10-45 minutes.
Step 3 Bedtime routine
This is really crucial. A good bedtime routine will program your child to fall asleep, honestly they won't be able to help it. All our boys have a consistent bedtime all the time including weekends and holidays. If you let then stay up late one night then they will stay up late the next night, it's just the way our bodies work. Once they reach school age, letting them stay up late on Friday and Saturday will make it very difficult on Monday morning. For J we do bath (optional), pjs, book, sleeping bag, feed, bed. The bath is good for knocking them out but I skip it if he's already tired and rubbing his eyes so he doesn't get overtired. I start an hour before I want him to be asleep because he will feed for a long time to tank up for the night. It's best to initially aim for a time when he's naturally going to sleep anyway then gradually shift bedtime forwards by 15 minutes a day until it's at the time you want.
I used these three steps to (a) get J into a regular pattern of sleep, and (b) establish a bedtime routine. My reasoning is that if he's used to noon being naptime and 7.30 being bedtime then he is ready to sleep at these times. Use of the bedtime routine and pulling the curtains / sleeping bag / cuddly bunny for nap times communicated to him that it is 'going to sleep time'. So once I had been doing all this for a couple of weeks I started the dreaded 'putting him in his cot awake'. I don't wake him up to put him in his cot but if he's awake I put him in, kiss him, give him his cuddly bunny and say goodnight. And then I play it by ear. If he's upset then I keep my hands on his face, head and hands so he can feel that I'm still there. If he's just alert I might offer the dummy, put my hand on his chest, sit quietly next to him or potter around the room. If he seems tired then I leave him to it. I won't leave him to cry for more than a few minutes and if he starts bawling I go back but he will now self-settle about half the time. He might start crying but then there are pauses in the crying, then he starts grumbling to himself, then he goes quiet and then he falls asleep. Over time I have seen an improvement in his night sleep since he is more able to put himself back to sleep. Over time I expect to be able to put him down awake with steadily less intervention.
So there you have it, a bit of a rambly explanation but it seems to be working. Crucially the times when I have had to leave him to see to my other children, he has often fallen asleep by the time I get back. I have tried to explain all my reasoning so hopefully some people might be able to draw something useful from this. We've gone from completely chaotic feeds and sleeps to a more predictable structure to the day. And hopefully things will continue to improve. Last night he didn't need his dummy at all!