December 2012 - the Christmas buns are coming out of the oven

[PurplePidjChickIsNotTheMessiah]

New fred...

We're home!! Oz has had a bath in hospital so we have an idea of what to do and a refresher from the nct classes..

The cats are politely interested but being good and we've opened the presents given to 'the unnamed arrival' (as he was overdue we kept them.) DH is being super and Oz is asleep after his exciting morning. Now we have to survive on our own!

They're not reusable, but the tesco ones are great.

Felix has nipple narcolepsy too, I think he has finished feeding, hand him to my DH who then gets pissy cause he thinks I've not fed him properly!

Well they'd sold out of the breast pads I like so I'm trying johnsons ones. Will report back.

How wrong is it to be seriously considering a bottle of wine tonight...?! I'm feeling really rotten, not convinced I'm cut out for this motherhood thing. I'm convinced Dash hates me and also that there's something wrong with him as he's not hitting milestones (admittedly I'm looking at things for his real age rather than adjusted age) I just feel like I've been working so hard for ages we aren't getting anywhere. I'm just feeling isolated and lonely and not sure I'm the best person to be his mum.

Sorry. Having a bad day.

Honey - who else could be dash's mum? Nobody on earth is as well equipped for the job as you. And if you gave the job up to someone else, Dash would be devastated. Hang in there, I'm sure he's doing fine and thinks you are too (even though he might be a bit rubbish at expressing it!)

I have a box full of breast pads in the bathroom and have use precisely 2. I almost never leak, and when I do, I'm in bed and not wearing a bra. Ill probably end up tossing out the whole lot.

Tried expressing for the first time today - I have a medela swing. I did about 15 minutes on one breast (which Little C had just fed from) and about 10 on the other, and got about 115ml/4oz. Anyone know if that's any good? Seemed quite a lot.

Honey I think you should go to some groups/classes (baby massage?) in the new year, meet some new people you're not a bad mum, is it just the milestone things getting you down?

So glad you're home Utopian good luck with your first night it can be quite daunting!

That's really good mamapo!

honey - you're doing such a brilliant job. Take the wine - you deserve something to make yourself feel human again.

I think we all forget sometimes that historically, women wouldn't be raising children without a big support system - poorer women had sisters, mothers, other local woman nearby to help them, some of whom works be breastfeeding too so could even do some of the breast feeds, and richer women pretty much outsourced the whole thing. The idea that we spend every waking minute childrearing without constant assistance is relatively modern. So we are all doing something extraordinary every day.

Definitely Seconds, a lot of us live no where near our mums, where as it was almost unheard of for our parents to not have support, that's just one generation. Honey you have that wine, my MW mother prescribed me baileys last week, and I will be enjoying a glass of it again tonight (think ill drink it in the bath!) of cause he loves you, but he is a baby with limited thought processes, and love to him means food, warmth and a clean bum!

Thanks :) mama i just don't think I'm good enough for him but at the same time I would never give him up. But then that makes me wander if I'm being selfish cos he would be better off with someone who knows what they're doing.

spotty the plan is to start some groups in the new year. That was always the plan when he was due in December but having had him so early I feel like I've been alone a lot as we couldn't really join classes till the new term anyway. I think the milestone thing is getting to me quite a bit as I'm a natural worrier so I'm sure something is wrong. But DH thinks he is getting lots of eye contact - so either he is over thinking random looks which aren't actually eye contact, or Dash is making eye contact with him and not me. Which reinforces me thinking he hates me. I know I'm overreacting. But even at his adjusted age of 2 an a half weeks shouldn't he be doing plenty of eye contact?

seconds thanks for your kind words. It's good to try to remember things like that. I am feeling particularly alone today as friends are busy, family is busy and DH is on a late shift.

Oh yes, honey, I meant to insist on the wine! Bottoms up.

I'm not the only one to have returned to drinking regularly, albeit at reduced quantities, am I?

Thanks eggnog. I like the sound of your mum!

xpost - and honey, you definitely know what you're doing. You have a healthy, happy little boy who sounds like he's thriving and who arrived ahead of schedule! That's enough of a challenge for anyone, and he's doing marvellously. Things like eye contact as a milestone seem really hard to quantify - if he's eating, sleeping, gaining some weight and producing dirty nappies then you have a champion baby on your hands.

Definitely think classes are a great idea. I need to look into it myself... and are there any local mums groups you can link in with? I have met up with the mums from my NCT group once, and it was completely great, can't wait to do it again!

My nipples are starting to feel quite sore. That first minute is rather painful

Honey dd didn't smile until mind weeks, sit up until eight months, crawl until a year or walk until nearly two. It can be worrying and so hard not to compare but by the time they start school they will be doing all those things and you will wish you hadn't worried so much! (I know it's easier said than done)

spotty was your dds smile actual age or adjusted?

Hi honey, sorry to hear you are feeling down. I drove myself mad with DD1, worrying about milestones, especially as she was a late walker. She's2.1 now, and everything has evened out, you honestly wouldn't know the difference between her and the very early walkers.

You are doing a great job!

It was her actual age, she was nearer ten weeks I think and she was four months before she laughed. SHe can talk for England though swings and roundabouts

Thanks spotty. We thought we had a smile the other day but now I'm bit sure it wasn't just wind. I know I should stop being so hard on the little guy as he was so early so needs time to catch up but part of me us so scared something is wrong.

Is everyone starting to get eye contact already?

Also my Saturday has been spent watching to newly-discovered 'pregnant in heels'. It is the most terrible, horrendous, awful car crash tv but I can't stop watching!

spotty I've been using nipple shields when mine start to get sore, to give them a bit of a break.

Good idea seconds I have got some but haven't opened them yet! Will sort them out tomorrow

Honey I wouldn't worry too much yet about milestones. They are notoriously unreliable for an early baby.

I have had a tough week or so and Christmas Day was hard as I was in a lot of pain. This vulval variscosity has been agonising and I have had to take a lot more painkillers than I would like. I have even had to take co-codamol. I also had different advice about ibuprofen. The midwife said it was fine to take it if breast feeding and the GP said I shouldn't take it.

To add the misery I now have a urine infection and I am on antibiotics and I suspect I have vaginal thrush. I have been using topical Canesten. Des anyone know if this is ok to use when breast feeding.

Sorry this is a me me me post!

Honey the milestones are just a rough guide, and with a baby as early as Dash you need to think in adjusted ages.

I remember a friend with twins born around 3 months early being really frustrated when the hv doing the 9 month check used actual age and so referred them to the pediatrician. Pediatrician just said they were fine for adjusted age (which friend knew). Now at around 30 months you wouldn't know they were premature.

If you're worried then you could talk to your hv. They should be able to put your mind at rest.

And yes to the wine!

Anthony is just 2.5oz off his birth weight now, which isn't bad given he lost over 11%. Hopefully he'll have put the rest on when the midwife comes again next year.

Hi all,

I'm new to being a mum and new to mumsnet so hello everyone!

My beautiful dd was born on 9th December so she's 3 weeks old tomorrow. We're having fun and games trying to get her to sleep in her Moses basket. Ok it's not fun and by 3am I normally give up and let her sleep on me.

Yes I have tried swaddling her - but she was 10lb4oz when she was born (yes it hurt!) and she already breaks out of swaddling really easily - even the so called miracle blanket won't keep her legs in. We've got dh's shirt in the basket, try her in it for naps, have tried with dark room, white noise, after a bath etc. etc. but nothing really works. I thought that perhaps she was getting overtired by bedtime so yesterday I dutifully followed her sleep cues and encouraged her to nap every time she looked tired. It was a disaster as she didn't want to sleep at all last night after so many naps in the day!

I wondered how people with similar aged babes were getting on... Us anyone else having the same experience?

Thanks all :)

Welcome sleepless! My baby is a week older than yours and we haven't nailed sleeping in the basket by any means. Although the nights are getting slightly better. I must confess that I just let him cuddle up with me so that we both get some sleep - he's so little that he just wants his mum at the moment and i figured there's time to get him into a proper routine. He doesn't like being swaddled - thrashes around and cries - so we've given up on that!

friendofdorothy you really are having a rough time of it aren't you - poor you. I don't know the answers to your questions about the medications - is there a midwife number you can ring? I'm having some pelvic pain and discomfort that I'm going to ask the midwife about tomorrow as I suspect it's a urine infection.

FoD I would have thought the canesten is fine, not sure about the iburpofen? Google should tell you though....

Welcome Sleepless, I can't help but I think it's very common. They're still tiny at the moment, you might find after six or seven weeks things get easier. Sounds like your dd is awake a lot in the day?! DS is five weeks on monday and is rarely awake in the day at the moment. Possibly a growth spurt I suppose as he was awake for an hour or two at a time before. Anyway it takes me a while to settle him after a night feed sometimes but letting him suck on my finger, then quickly swapping it for the dummy and rocking his moses basket seems to work!