FEB 2010 Two and a half to three...the "contrary age" (no it isn't! yes it is!)

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

Come in, sit down, fresh coffee is brewing, Prosecco's in the fridge for later and there's a bumper box of Lindt chocolates for all....

sounds like everyone's got a lot on at the moment?

Just typed a long message on my phone and MN logged me out before I could post it. Grrrr.

I agree that's the theory

sorry the gradual withdrawal comment wasn't meant that much at your DCs more my DS and my reasons for not being there yet (I know I don't have to justify why DS can't do it yet but still...). DD was able to be put her in cot and left to go to sleep at a much younger age than the 15.5 months () that DS is now.

I tried to get DH to read that book but can't rainbow. I think if there was a audio version I could. At the moment he doesn't get why I do certain things but won't at least read the same stuff as me in order to counter my arguments. It's frustrating as it leads to me saying we should do x, y and z and not what he was doing a, b and c. At least if he read it we could argue/debate from the same information. I do find it frustrating at times that I have to take charge of all the raising/long term behaviour/parenting side of things. Even though he admits that neither of us want to replicate our upbringing models. Was the same when I read unconditional parenting, not that we follow it fully but it did have a big impact on me.

nice to see you rainbow and stoof

Fair do's CP! I suddenly wondered if you were talking in double entends ("method"...."withdrawal") and thought I'd done a big miss of a joke!!

We have just done over a hour at soft play

DH is rocking in the corner

DS and DD loved it, even if they did spend nearly all their time in the next age group up sections.

My DD have very different temperaments but then I have treated them very differently. I've always had to let DD2 cry if changing DD1's nappy etc and most of the time she just stops. Who knows how DD1 would have reacted, I never let hercry. DD1 was still waking several times a night at 2 (still does quite often) and DD2 tends to sleep through unless she has a cold (which s ALL THE BLOODY TIME). I have no way of telling whether it's experience, temperament or a bit of both; but I do wish I had sleep trained DD1.

I should read that book too.

CP at your DH rocking!!

I have sent DH to bed as he's suffering from the flu (or flu like symptoms...) Fx he'll get better soon as we're supposed to have our dinner date tomorrow or Tuesday

bc I would advise on sleep training but if/as your DS sleeps fine, I would be tempted to get him out of the house for some nights to get her into the routine. On the other hand, I've got only one DC so can't really make any comments. Good luck...

We sleep trained DS at 9 months and didn't use the withdrawal technique as my presence was getting DS more upset than leaving him to settle by himself.

scones DS was left to cry when getting ready to go out and when I was otherwise busy. He never stopped crying by himself, just worked himself into a frenzy. Until he sat up in the buggy, once about 8 weeks he just screamed and I tried walking him up to an hour. Car journeys were just awful for a long while. I've never felt guilty while leaving him to cry (quite frequently) while I get on with stuff that needs doing (the getting out the house game as fast as you can game was fun) just I also do he just works himself into a frenzy. On long car journeys it took him about 90 mins of full on crying before going to sleep. Even with rocking him to sleep, he cried for most of it, just not level 10 crying.

At 9 months we were able to get DS off to sleep in the cot with shushing and patting, but after a month it still took 45-60 mins with constant touching so we weren't able to move him forwards to the next step. We moved house so just went back to laying/rocking as that was when I started tutoring as well.

I got him to sleep in the cot tonight as took him a bit early and was therefore able to put him in the cot without him melting down (this is always the key factor, if you can get him in you can get him to sleep there). Still it took 50 mins.

Then again I take an hour getting to sleep most nights and even DD tends to take 30-45 mins. I think the long going to sleep issue is probably the crux of the matter. Thankfully at lunchtimes he is quite quick.

DD wasn't really much a crier, more just awake. She could take herself to sleep quite early on, just it never stopped her waking. You could always put her down though, mostly still awake as well just a quick feed and she was done.

Sorry that's a bit of an essay, but has been good for me to work it out and write it down.

I wonder how much genetics come into this. dh and I have both been 'easy' babies who slept through early and ate everything and played alone quite happily, and both our girls have been the same.
Having said that, I'd never risk a third child because it really would be payback time

SC loving the idea of payback time! My friend assumed that two easy babies meant the third one would be and then she had a refluxer.

SB hope the dinner date can go ahead. Fingers crossed for you both.

BC we did a whole 10 minutes sleep training with DS1 and he then resettled and that was it!! Both DS have gone through stages of early waking that we ride through - I could never do the daily getting up at 5:30 that people do, given the rest of the nights. DS2 is still a work in progress and my problem is that I can't tell how much of the problem is medical. I do know that if I give him calpol, he sleeps through so I don't feel comfortable leaving him to cry (and it is an improving pattern. I am now bribing him with 10p a night as he is saving for a new zhu zhu hamster!) His 90 minute awake periods between 2am and somewhere around 5am are a killer. The other night he had tummy ache. In the end, I gave him his meds, waited the half an hour they can take to work and then told him his medicine had worked and it was time to go back to sleep and he did! I think, as someone has already said, that you will reach a point where sleep training is the lesser of two evils. I like the sound of IC's plan for withdrawal. As for DS1 playing on his own, I'm thinking from your previous posts about what he knows (like names of shapes etc..) that either he is very bright or you have done a lot of work with him (or both). Either of these would then make it more difficult for him to play on his own, if he's not needed to in the past or is v.bright and wants lots of opportunities for learning. DS1 here lacks imagination which means he used to find it hard to play alone, especially as he had me to himself until DS2 came along. DS2 is more used to it as he's had to learn to wait while DS1 has time with me etc.. Who knows what the answers are? More wine in the meantime, me thinks, and some empathy from us lot!

I've only partly read the posts apart from that I'm afraid as we actually went out last night! However, I gather that SC needs some sympathy for poorly ears - do get that referral people are mentioning.

It's been an odd weekend here with a nice evening last night, although my asthma was bad - pretty much the first time ever it wasn't set off by illness or exercise and it rather unnerved me and meant that I coughed all evening. I'm wondering if their three cats set off some sort of reaction. DH also ate too much soya and was up most of the night feeling ill. My SIl had stayed over after her first solo babysitting experience so we were forced to remain in a bed together, him with tummy ache and me wheezing. Hoping for a more peaceful night tonight!

Haven't made any work decisions yet as we are waiting for all the information we need re pre-school places to come in first.

Off to bed now. Hope to catch up properly during the week. Hi to all of you.

Survival Cats + Asthma= not good
Just my experience . How you get a better night's sleep tonight.

hope

oh DD did a 0.4 mile run today I took her for my run in the buggy so she wanted to do one afterwards :)

survival hope you feel better soon. I have now realised that food sets mine off e.g. soya. Glad you had a nice night.

DS is still in his cot, no wakings so far.

Children are odd, DS either demands all of me or is happy to potter around for 30 mins. It's just so nice that he has got there that I live in hope he will continue moving along that path.

night all (I am posting far too much atm, believe it or not I have had a really busy day)

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/9846438/Nursery-only-finds-childs-severed-finger-when-cleaning-the-floor.html

SC

Hello everyone. Sorry I haven't been posting, I have been reading sporadically and thinking about you all. I felt that all I was doing was moaning on here and that simply wasn't fair on you all.

But... things are OK. DH has more or less maintained his good behaviour (ridiculous to type this, I know, it sounds as though I am talking about a child) and the biggest change has been that he listens and does something about it if I politely highlight something that needs working on. The DDs are also doing well, I am very lucky that they are - on the whole - pretty good most of the time.

The biggest change has been in me, though. DH's drunken incident before Christmas actually did me a huge favour in making me realise that 1) I was caring too much about small things, 2) I was taking things too personally, and 3) I was letting it all get to me. So I decided to make some changes. Now I regularly exercise (if DH doesn't want to, I do it alone), which has resulted in me losing weight, toning up, looking better and having more energy. I plan things for myself, so once a week I do something child-free and sociable such as meeting up with friends, a friend coming over for dinner after the girls are in bed, a work event, or something with DH (and I tell him if he is needed home from work at a decent time). I have started keeping a gratitude journal, which sounds very hippy and new age, but means I write down a couple of things that have gone well or made me feel good every night before I go to sleep. And instead of waiting for DH or checking things with him, as I have done in so many ways, whether it be to book something to do, sort out something around the house or even just eat dinner, I get on with it myself. I feel like a new woman! Happier, healthier, fitter... and other people have noticed it too.

So, that's me and my life. I'll read and post about everyone else very soon, I promise. Hope everyone is OK

SR Lovely to hear from you, and even lovlier to hear things are going well. You put me to shame with your exercise and generally getting a grip! I've noticed with some alarm that I am starting to put on weight and am in denial of having put on a stone over the past few months! I guess I have had a good run of eating like a horse for 40 years and staying skinny... I was very sporty when I was young but haven't done any 'exercise' in my life. Time to wake up I think before I turn into a blob Don't think my job helps (hours and hours of driving followed by hours and hours of sitting on my bottom interviewing).

SR great to hear from you and that you're better. Take care x

SR That is very good, I am sure it will help you a lot. A lot of everyday unhappiness is due to expectations. It will make you happier.

SC I had to cut out chocolate this summer, put a stone too and with the diastasis it was really bad for my waist line. Back to normal now, but I can't eat like I use to probably due to the fact that I am closer to 45 than to 40 now...

At mous and sc being able to eat like a horse for so many years. I think I ran out of luck on that one at around 30, but have been blaming pregnancies and babies for my mummy tummy. With DD2 rapidly approaching three, I realised that my cries of "but I've just had a baby" were starting to wear a little thin (unlike me).

Someone asked down thread about missing your pre-DC self. I know I miss aspects - the freedom to be spontaneous, being able to cut loose and not always be the responsible one - but my girls are are such a lovely stage that things feel good.

And as for entertaining themselves, I am very lucky that DD2 is quite self-sufficient. She often wanders off when at home, and I'll find her in her room doing jigsaws (she can do 40 piece ones on her own now), or playing with her dolls house. She can quite happily do half an hour or even longer on her own, and when DD1 is around too, they will play together for up to an hour at a time. I think a lot of it is to do with DD2 being a second child - she has not had that dedicated time that DD1 enjoyed.

How are your ears sc? Sounds like it has been horrible, hope they get better soon. I second everyone else who has suggested an ENT referral if not.

CP how are things with you? Has your DH started his days working away?

survival as ever, I am in awe of all you do. I didn't realise you had asthma to contend with you. I am sure the cats set it off - both me and DD1 struggle around cats.

stone how go the plans for TTC? Hope you are having fun and not finding it stressful.

scones things sound better for you

bc are you ok?

Now I'm back, you can't shut me up

Oh no, I've killed the thread