FEB 2010 Two and a half to three...the "contrary age" (no it isn't! yes it is!)

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

Come in, sit down, fresh coffee is brewing, Prosecco's in the fridge for later and there's a bumper box of Lindt chocolates for all....

SC how long for the new ABs to work, and this is for the R ear I take it, what about the L? Shouldn't you have an immediate referral for that? It sounds very worrying and really compromising your life Do go back to GP.

Mous I certainly didn't define myself by my job, which I hated but gave me lots of disposable income (I miss that). I went to the cinema, read books (so many books!), ate in good restaurants, went away occasionally. Kept up with the news which admittedly I still could but just can't be bothered. I don't seem to have anything to say when someone asks what I've been up to. All I do is wipe bottoms/get food/clear up, or work on the house. I was supposed to be doing some accounting work for a local firm, but they are not answering my emails! I assume that means I'm no longer wanted!

DD2 shutting her fingers in drawers, better go

X posted CP yes we are trying to do more at weekends now that the house is not so hectic (we are nearly ready to move into our front room after being here 11 months ).

I used to go to theatre a lot too. All things that require £££ looking back. But I had something to talk about!!!!!

We have some London friends coming to stay in a few weeks and there will be the usual, what have you been up to.... tumbleweed.....

I've just put dd2 to bed at 6pm because I misread the clock and thought it was nearly 7! And the odd thing is she didn't protest. By Friday she is exhausted because she refuses to have a lunchtime sleep. Last weekend I made her sleep after lunch on the Saturday because she was in tears all the time through tiredness.

Oh, hang on, I can hear small footsteps. I think she might have realised it is a bit early . Well, worth a try while she can't read the time

I don't miss my pre DC self. dh and I had 12 years as a couple before dd1 arrived, so plenty of time to get all the city breaks, spontaneous skiing trips, cinema visits, pub crawls etc in before dc.

I don't miss pre DC neither. We had 8 years together before DS appeared.

SC!did you say you move DD2 into a bed? If yes and she gets up, try a sticker chart, it worked well with DS and keeping him to bed.

I don't think it's true to say I miss my pre DC self - I was certainly having an exciting and fairly carefree time with DH, but I feel like this is all part of the same adventure and each new phase has its interesting aspects. I'm always learning new things and meeting new people - same for DH.

SB She's been very good actually. Only got up today to close her door a bit more because it was too light on the landing

Hello - sorry am posting without reading all the new posts (will try to do so later).

DD still not giving us an evening after DS goes to sleep. Will not settle until I take her to bed with me. Rubbish. We have cot. Cot makes her scream. If I transfer her asleep she does about 20 mins. DH out tonight.

DH and I have been getting on well. Really good lately - I'm rememebering to communicate when I am tired/stressed/pissed off rather than being a grump.

I started a thread on behaviour/development about DS's inability to play alone.

Worried at nursery that he still find it hard to control strong emotions/share.

DH and I had sex last Sat and didn't use anything. Don't want to be pg. Didn't take MAP as thought chance so small (age, still BFing throught the night, periods not come back) but have had worried moments. We would cope though. Not ideal.

Tax bill - hideous. Revenue and Customs wanted half the subsequent year as well as his income has gone up so much since last year. Had to borrow from mum. Feel like idiots who can't budget. Like teenagers still dependent on parents. Soul searching and reality confrontation needed. Vienna trip postponed.

I know it is all just a phase. Don't feel as bad as when DD not sleeping at night. As long as I get some sleep that is only disturbed briefly (albeit frequently) I can manage emotionally. It's the sleep deprivation that makes everything seem hopeless.

Got 'Positive Discipline for Preschoolers' - it's very good.

WItnessed awkward clash of parenting styles this afternoon after preschool. Went to one boy's house with another mum and her son. The boy who's house we went to was full on fruitshoots and Ben-10 when the other mum's kids were completely AP - her little girl is always in a sling and had never seen a telly at 17m. I was between the two styles (but more like the AP mum than the people we were visiting).

Also - am generally very happy with DS's nursery but two of his friends really don't like it which gives me pause for thoughts. I would say 95% of the time he's happy to go and happy when I collect him so I am not worried. Today he was a bit sad when I picked him up and he said it was because he hadn't got a sticker (as though you're only good if you get a sticker) I tried to reassure him that as long as he was happy with how his day went a sticker didn't matter - this made him shout that it DID MATTER and IT WOULD MAKE HIM HAPPY so I realised I was negating his feelings so laid off, but couldn't think of anything massively helpful to say that'd he'd understand.

Apparently he'd also had to be moved during storytime for talking.

I wrote loads about what we had been doing in his communication book inc. a bit of a plea for help re his inability to control his frustration this time and got two lines back about them having given him a particular reading book to help him understand sharing and managing feelings.

Also I worry that they see me as 'pushy' and middle class so I always feel nervous about saying anything but I hardly ever do say anything so I'm obviously not pushy at all. I'd just like to know a bit more. GAH.

How normal is it to request their written record to read eg over half term?

BC

Regarding sleep, could you try what IC did with her ds? Will take a few days but improve nights for you. Your dd is a smart cookie and knows what she wants ie sleep on you. It doesn't mean she can't learn to sleep in the cot.

Yes, was looking at the site of the sleep specialist she mentioned. We were saying get DS to stay a night or two at my mum's and go for it.

Sorry that your ears are so bad, I hadn't realised the infections were leaving you with residual hearing loss. Agree with the others, an ENT referral is essential.

I don't miss my pre-DC self. I was really quite messed up, drank too much, quite nihilistic - am a much nicer person these days. Coming out of the newborn/tiny baby fog and starting to go out again. I am making sure I have one night out in every fortnight or at least twice a month. I can leave home around half five to be in town for 7 - spend a couple of hours having a meal with a friend and be back by 10.30. Went to see the Hobbit and had a couple of nights out in Jan.

BC I started a thread on behaviour/development about DS's inability to play alone. Worried at nursery that he still find it hard to control strong emotions/share
That is completely normal for a not even 3 yo yet, they are still "babies", DD2 is still sucking like a newborn in her dreams .
I think you might compare him with older children and expect a bit too much even 6 months make a big difference at 3.
They are learning to share and play together right now, 3 is right into "it is MINE" phase and they are not sure it will ever come back again if they let it go.

If I remember correctly they started playing together past 3.5, before they play alongside each other and learn to tolerate each other.
I sounds like your DS is very advance in is communication skill but he is still only 2.11. I wouldn't expect his behaviour to match his language before a while.

sotu

soc how is the ear? (if you can't hear this properly )

BC IC good luck with the sleep.

scone I wasn't talking about you but in general, I think what most people miss is in fact the spare cash, not themselves. You still saw all the movies, read the books... You have plenty of past experiences to share, and new ones too. I avoid "What have you been up to?" questions like the plague. That is an empty sentence, like "how do you do?" And I learned that most people don't even care about the answer, those who say that usually wants to brag about they have been up to, they never ever say it if they don't have something to tell after it.

It seems I'm the only one who misses my pre-DC self then Of the 'activities' I miss reading the most, these days when I do get into a good book I can't put it down, and binge-read into the early hours. I also refuse to talk to DH until it is finished. So I limit my reading to the papers normally; books are a special treat.

Other than activities I really do feel less of a person from just staying at home with the children all day. As you other SAHMs don't feel the same it must be my problem and I guess I should force myself to tak up a hobby. No idea what though.

Hugs bc. Tax situation sounds nightmarish. Horrid the way you have to pay half the next year upfront. You never really catch up. As for DD's sleep, well you will just have to bite that bullet when you can't take any more..... Once you've done it, and she is sleeping, you will be SO GLAD. It will be worth it.

I have no idea how much communication from nursery is normal, I suppose they are all different. My friend's nursery takes her to one side as she picks up DS and gives her a 5-min debrief. Mine is pretty chaotic and I used to have to grab someone and ask how she was/if she'd weed. Now we have a contact book, much better, they write what she played with and if with any other DCs. DD1 is only just (this year) playing with other DCs at nursery.

Hope you're not pg, sure you won't be!

DS is teething here but DD slept through to compensate DS's five wakings

DS can play by himself, DD has her moments if I set her up with something (crafts, playdough, colouring) but still only maybe 10 mins. It's just their temperaments. DD is independent for physical stuff though, getting dressed, tumble tots etc.

BC I might have misread your post too me it seems like he is playing by himself but can't because he is disturbed by his sister.
I will let you know another theory in a more private setting... IYKWIM

too to me

when by himself, do you mean fully by himself or talking him through it?

DD can do puzzles by herself but won't. She will settle for me holding DS next to her, talking her through it and occasionally physically moving a piece. I think some of it is wanting that attention because unlike you I don't spend a lot of 1:1 with her . Don't read too much into igg ly's post, it didn't seem the most helpful.

Dd2 t

Dd2 told me she really likes dinosaurs but that they are only for boys . So I went out and bought her a pack of plastic dinosaurs. No doubt more nonsense from her old nursery. Her new one is within a girls school and they have plenty of 'boys toys', thank you very much.

mous Couldn't agree with you more when it comes to remembering how old our LOs are. I've fallen into that trap many times especially with dd1 because she is tall and sensible.

Oof about the tax bill Bc. Nasty shock for you.
I suspect your DS will become more independent about playing and indeed more responsive to other children in that way as he gets older. The Montessori nursery DD's starting say they don't believe children have the ability to share yet (they might do it to please an adult sometimes) - but they do understand taking turns.
Good to hear you and your DH have been getting on better!

I can recommend the gradual withdrawal sleep training, although it requires a fair amount of patience.
Interestingly, tonight DS actually asked to be put down (in his own way!). He got all sleepy on the boob, but woke up when I put him upright to wind him and immediately started fussing and throwing himself back to show me he wanted to lie down. Sure enough, as soon as I put him down in the cot, he went quiet and fidgeted for a bit until he was comfortable then nodded off. I just gave him a kiss goodnight and moved straight to the door, rather than leaving a hand on him and staying in view. He was fine.
The nap settling is going well too, although he still yells and gets cross (while I ssh/pat him) before going to sleep. But today we had another 1.5 hour nap, which is much better than the 45mins max (and dropping) we did have. I do wonder if I could have saved myself a lot of grief by having the gumption to do this with DD at a much younger age....

Ah, books SC....I'm hoping DS' improving sleep patterns might allow me to start going to my book group again soon. I suppose I try and make sure I don't stay home with the DC all day, or I would feel bored. Visiting friends/groups/going on simple outings, even if it's just to the library or a cafe keeps me from feeling like I'm only getting childish company!

I think IC you know when they are ready, prehaps you could have done it a bit sooner, but I imagine not much more.

In order to do gradual withdrawal you have to have a method to withdraw from.

Don't miss pre-DD self but do miss being able to sit down for a weekend to finish a book or two. Don't think I've been able to finish a book at one sitting for the past 3 years. So with you there scones.

And definitely feel less "with it" on world events and developments. In fact currently have no clue on what the latest movies, films, theatre, music etc are, and unable to participate in any such conversations.

sc have been reading through gender delusions by cordelia fine. It'll be a tough next few years of cancelling the schools' and society's programming. Grr. But going to fight my battles carefully, she can wear pink and frills all she wants but she'll be good with numbers,science etc.

bc maybe get him some stickers regardless? :). If it matters to him that much.

I suspect you're right CP - and DD was a different baby, so responded to different ways of doing things.

Yes, with gradual withdrawal, that's true. I guess it's getting them used to settling themselves while also having the reassurance of your presence, then gradually taking your presence further away and allowing them to accustom themselves to settling without you being there at all (theory being, I suppose, they can then reproduce that skill overnight too when you're not awake to put your oar in). I presume that's how it works, anyway! It seems to me a kinder way of doing it than leaving them alone from the word go, (which I eventually had to do with DD as my presence stimulated her and made her worse), which is why I'm doing it now with DS rather than waiting until he's over 6mo.

I figure DS yelled because he was tired and wanted to be on the boob, but not because I wasn't there to comfort him (which I was the whole time - I more or less had an arm around him and my face beside his in the cot). And I haven't moved away from him until it's clear he's settling without getting distressed and needing me to be beside him.