April 2012 newborns: the insomnia continues...

[LaTristesse]

Hello fellow April mums. Following on from our lovely ante-natal threads, here's the first of the post-natal ones. Join us as we work out how to handle nappies, feeding, colic, crying and all things newborn, or just to celebrate the joys of a new baby!

fliss sorry to hear about infection. Hope all's well now though. I found that F hated the moby at first but third attempt a week later proved morr successful

thaleia Babies cry - sometimes inexplicably. As long as they're fed, winded, comfy in a clean nappy and being cuddled then you're pretty much doing everything you can to console them. Don't beat yourself up about the side sleeping. I put ds1 to sleep on his front - again, not what is advised but it meant he slept for more than 10 minutes at a time so he was obviously more comfortable in that position.

bananna congrats! More importantly, did you finish your loft conversion in time?

Just had to wake F to feed him as he'd been sleeping since 11pm. Boobs woke me up.

thaleia sorry - the 'babies cry' comment was directed at your dh not you. Didn'tmean to sound rude.

Thaleia; when you say you're 'leaking milk all over the place', maybe your let-down is too much for Rapheal & he's getting too much foremilk or having to gulp so as not to choke. Both these things could make him windy & leave him dissatisfied after a feed. Some of us are block feeding: sticking to one side for a feed or maybe two feeds. Have a read back here & check out some of the links posted. Hope that helps a bit. Also; my LO screams for a couple of hours every evening & is bright red during this. Just colic & being a newborn (she's 3.5 weeks). It is distressing but normal for some babies. If your DH could read some articles on colic/crying in newborns would it help him? My LO goes down on her side BTW, not her back

thaleia I agree with the advice about babies crying - and yes, your DH probably does have unrealistic expectations. Being newborn is hard - the outside world is light, dark, hot, cold, quiet, noisy, dry, uncomfortable...it does get better, but your DH needs to understand that this is all normal. Some babies cry every night for hours. Formula feeding doesn't make it stop either, all that'll happen is Raphael will still be a newborn that cries, DH will be frustrated that he's not fixed the crying and you will possibly feel The (irrational) Guilt that so many BF mums feel at giving a bottle and you'll probably blame DH for that

Infection has gone 3 days of ABs left to take.

DD has adjusted to being one of two really well. She keeps kissing DS and bedtime is finally back to normal, for her at least!

Haven't attempted to venture out on my own with the two yet...haven't got a from-birth double and DD isn't the easiest to keep a grip of if she walks and I've got a buggy to manoeuvre too, and as I don't drive it's either walk or bus. Finally regret not having lessons!

Hello ladies,

Sorry some have you are having problems, hope we're all sorted soon.

Nancy is now 16 days old, and very settled. We have a good routine - but we sort of have to as there is DD,7 to consider (school run etc). She is formula fed, and takes 3-4oz every 3-4 hours, but goes longer at nights.

Had her weighed today, and she's up to 7lb9oz, from 6lb14oz a week ago. Very pleased with that as we had some issues with the teats on her bottles, and for at least a day she didn't keep anything down.

DP went back to work today, so it's our first day home alone - although HV is visiting later on.

Tomorrow we're attempting our first proper little trip - meeting our NCT ladies the next town over for a brew and a cake. Little bit daunting as it involves a bus journey but will use the sling, and avoid pram/bus/folding/wheelchair space trauma!

Ah...slings. Yes I need to get practicing on that. My friend has leant me her Kari-Me sling, and we can't even figure out how to put on the bloody thing! (And yes, we've downloaded the instructions, but it's still a complete mystery.)

Must try harder.

No Digitalgirl loft isn't totally finished yet - but the bedroom is just awaiting the new bed so we can move in when it arrives next Tuesday :)

My midwife actually told me that I had to tell the builders to stop working as she thought my stress and tenseness of having workmen in the house was stopping baby coming. The first day they didn't come I went into labour that lunchtime!!!

Our baby has a very healthy set of lungs and goes bright red when he cries. I hate it but know he's perfectly okay, just protesting at his nappy change/having to wait for a feed etc

Congratulations to all the new mums. My son got a cold and it went on and on and then the baby got it so it has been a hard two weeks. Some friends threw a baby shower which I hosted which was so kind if them but with ten kids running through the house I guess it was inevitable that any germs would get passes on....sure enough two days later.....

Also my mum arrived and is halfway through a 5 week stay......it is hard work as she just comments a lot on the state of my home....as in not immaculate or as ordered as she thinks homes should be, the fact we co sleep for part of the night, even that my very good toddler is spoilt as he has been acting up a bit since baby arrived which I think is normal. Trying a new ignore tactic where I just try to not listen to what she says but as much as she is giving practical help and is amazing with the baby I actually think it will be a relief when she goes and we just do not have the critical commentary to deal with.
But I also just feel so tired from trying to do housework to keep her from going on....it was so relaxed and enjoyable last time round and I knew it would be different second time round. I can see we will be living in a messy house for some time to come.

My mum made a comment about the state of our bathroom too, pitmountain. I replied: 'that's ever so kind of you, mum. The cleaning products are in this box here. You really are sweet to offer: it's exactly the sort of help we need at this time.'

It worked for us!

pitmountain the point of people staying in the early weeks is they do the housework, you do the baby care

I know my mum will get on with doing the dishes & not raise an eyebrow (she'd do that even before I had DD anyway...) so feel sorry for all of you whose parents behave like this (my dad will run his finger along shelves that I can't reach easily to check for dust...)

Mum is here to help me 2 days next week & can't wait!

My only worry at the moment is that my BP is still high (120/85 yesterday...so not TOO high). MW asked if I had any other symptoms of a blood clot (swelling, blurred vision, headaches) and I confidently said 'no'. Of course the minute she left a banging headache came on and is still here next morning!

I am assuming the headache is more likely related to lack of sleep/proximity to screaming baby, but wonder if I should try and get a doctors appt tomorrow if it hasn't gone away?

Was going to say... hasn't she done anything to, you know, actually help you?

I'm fine - sleep not as good as it was. Have to sleep sitting up with her on my lap/chest otherwise she yells and wakes DS (we have a tiny house). DH seems to have the trick of swaddling her and getting her to sleep in the moses basket for the first bit of the night (like 10 - 1am) usually but after that she's in with me.

Last night around 4 she was fussy and I was trying to feed her on my side when she did a gigantic vom so I had to strip the bed, the noise woke DS who started crying and demanding crisps (!) then DH woke up (he's been sleeping in the living room) and came up. We ended up all four of us in bed together cuddling and the older three eating melba toasts (a compromise on crisps) for half an hour. It was quite nice even though I'd rather have been asleep.

Today my mum is taking DS out so I am going to have a mostly lazy day indoors. Yesterday we went to one o'clock club in the morning (DS in mclaren, DD in moby wrap) on the bus then walked home, had lunch, both children napped together so I had time to cook the evening meal, put a wash in, put a dry wash away, do a sainsbury's order and the child benefit form (and have a very small glass of sherry) When they woke up I asked DS if he wanted to go to the museum or bake a cake and he chose baking so we made banana and pecan loaf (he chopped the bananas and ate the scrapings from the mixing bowl). Then dinner in front of cbeebies (just had to make up some cous cous as Id already cooked the chicken). Baby screamed whenever I put her down so lots of running around breastfeeding one handed.

marshmallow call your MW

Bear that sounds pretty close to domestic bliss! Big whoop to you for managing all that! I should have realized after trying to paint my toenails with DD in her sling and DS running riot that trimming my fringe was only going to end in disaster! Am doing the one handed breastfeeding though!

Yes Marshmallow call someone today, not worth the risk!

Marsh....get to the docs.....not worth risking it even though it will most likely be fine.
Bear....yes she is helping but just making a lot of comments, and the house really is not that bad......she is a 50 s trained nurse and just has these crazy high standards....she spent 2 hours making a banana bread yesterday that wou,d have taken me 5 mins....but frankly I would rather not have the ruddy cake and have other help, like picking up the baby when I am out in the garden cleaning down all the kids stuff, but she is just old school and cannot seem to keep her judgements to herself....she means well but it is wearing having someone judge your parenting techniques when you feel knackered. I may be being too sensitive due to fatigue and hormones.....does anyone else find it hard to get back to sleep after mid night baby wakings and being awake 40 mins to settle the baby? I co slept last time so none of this up in the night malarkey.

Sorry - crossposted with marshmallow - wasn't ignoring you. Do get it checked out just in case.

pitmountain I read somewhere that if you're awake for less than 30 seconds it's easier to get back to sleep but if you get up and move about it's a lot harder. I do think safe cosleeping is the way to stop going completely mental (for me anyway). With DS I was so paranoid and followed what NHS professionals said to the letter and I spent the first 9 months thinking about nothing but sleep, that I was doing it all wrong because he was so wakeful - really obsessing and being too tired to enjoy him as much as I should have. Pounding the pavements because he would only sleep when being pushed in a pram - oh, it was a nightmare. The couple of times I fell asleep holding him I felt like the worst mother on Earth. Now I do what I have to do so we all sleep and are happy.

Your mum should be there to support you, not undermine you. I understand the generational thing, but still... Maybe you have to just tell her what you want her to do in simple terms without hints. Just say "please will you do such-and-such now." This is how I have to speak to my DH. I have to add the 'now' otherwise he doesn't think things are time sensitive. At the moment I am being zen about it and realising our minds don't work the same way and changing the way I behave instead of raging at his (perceived) stupidity and having loads of rows which doesn't help anyone.

realising our minds don't work the same way and changing the way I behave instead of raging at his (perceived) stupidity - very wise Bear, I need to do the same. That is, after I've managed to shake the horror at having to wrench DH onto his feet last night as he came inches from sitting on his new daughter. He'd put her on the sofa while he got up to the loo then presumably forgot that he'd done so when he got back. I have never been so scared, thinking what might have happened. They really are stupid though, it's not just perceived!

I'm adopted and have since met up with my birth mother, who came to stay for 4 days after the birth. My mum lives round the corner so popped in daily. We also had DHs mum here - the result was I had THREE mothers not only giving me 'constructive critiscm advice' but they were each trying to 'outdo' each other in being the one who was right!!
Although they helped (well, my birth mother did) it was exhausting, and the sense of relief when they all left was overwhelming. I felt guilty as I know they were here out of love, but really........

Can't get a GP appt today for tomorrow...will have to call tomorrow AM. Of course
Have left a message with the midwives helpline too.

MW at the local breastfeeding cafe has written a letter for my GP recommending I should be prescribed domperidon to increase milk volumes which I am v pleased about.

She also advised I should feed for shorter periods & try to pump straight after...so just had to take screaming baby off the breast after 20 mins to express my measly 15ml...feel so sorry for poor DD!

Little freaked out... Just had a nice bath with lavender oil (good for wounds apparently) and as I dried myself, a piece thread came off on the towel, guessing it's a stitch dissolving? They said that they would, just didn't expect to see one.. TMI? I'm not bleeding at all and not in pain but gah, still a little weird to see... Should I call the MW just in case?

I have to say, my Mum is a legend. I'm one of 6 so she knows what she's doing when it comes to babies, but she's amazed at how much has changed since she had me and my brothers and sisters. Se actually said "I've earnt som much about pregnancy with you being pregnant". It's mainly because I devour read a lot of books and ask lots of impertinant detailed question :) She comes round, brings lunch, gets it all ready, washes up, cuddles Frankie and never really judges, she's brilliant. My Dad's just as good too.

DH on the other hand also needs the "now" at the end of the sentence :) he cooked pasta bake the other day and asked how much water to put in the pan to cook the bloody pasta. I ask you, he's an IT genius and can practically fly a PC to the moon but doesn't know how much water to use to boil some pasta. He then put the water on to boil and sat watching the TV forgetting to add the pasta. I love him, but lordy, he's trying sometimes!

I sleep like a bloody log so once I've fed Frankie in the middle of the night and put her down I'm out for the count. I am needing the afternoon nap though, finding that if I lay down for 5 mins I'm out, and wake up feeling like I've been knocked over the head.

Holly I wouldn't worry about calling if there's no blood or pain - if it if the stitches, then expect to see a few more of these lovely bits over the next few days! I've had these little lovelies myself, and the first one is always a surprise!

DH is another one who needs explicit instructions and the 'now' pointing out to him, he's very much an 'in his own time' or 'later' person. He also seems to think that I need to check everything he does wrt cooking, yet he is perfectly capable of cooking and not killing anyone as he lived on his own for nearly 2 years before we bought our house AND it was the cleanest, tidiest, most organised flat I've ever been to yet he is oblivious to the muck and mess that gathers around our house.

I managed to sleep through the shower curtain collapsing again last night, which has woken me up in the past. Sleeping much better than I did when DD was tiny, but then I've not got the chance of an afternoon nap so I'm taking the sleep at night when I can get it!

Holly - I've had my first encounter with my stitches today too. There's only 2, & 1 is apparently under the other so only 1 I could find, but I felt it when wiping(TMI?) which surprised me! I'd never known exactly where it was before...still it's been over 3 weeks now so I'm quite surprised I could still feel it. How long do these things last? Feels like I'll never be in a fit state for sex again! (and that's a damn shame as I'm starting to really get some urges...)

Is it just me that can't wait to jump their OH?!

Marsh...that is frustrating but if you feel worried you could ER it maybe....if the pain continues.
Bear, that is great advice thanks. The ...now..bit resonates as my dh last night brought baby to me just in her nappy as I tried to get toddler asleep whilst bf baby.....can you get her swaddle please.....then I had to add......can you do that now dear as he would have left her to fall asleep with no covering at all.

Bear I am totally pro safe co sleeping and had little sleep deprivation till ds was over a year old and kept waking for boob throughout the night till I night weaned him. But ds still needs me to lie down beside him to sleep and comes to find me in the early hours now as granny is in his bed his routine has been thrown......so I feel a little reticent having baby Bo in bed with him the other side. But also my mum is really pushing the cot thing so I am trying it....maybe to prove her wrong. I was up from 1.30 till 4 am last night as baby slept as I could not get back to sleep once I had done the whole get out of bed for the cot thing.l.do not know how anyone does it, and no doubt will revert to co sleeping once mum has gone and my ds has his bed back and is more settled. Then try to cot her at 3 or 6 months like a lot do. I really feel sleep is no 1 priority for sanity so anyone on here who can nap......take them as I enjoyed every minute of my ds whereas this time I long for bed time by lunch time with no sign of a break for a nap like I had last time.
Spanner.....no....but good on you....your husband will appreciate it......my poor dh tries to coax me into the room he is on the floor in each night on an air mattress and I am very irritated after servicing everyone,s needs all day and night to feel the job is still not finished so I do some tactical ignoring every other time. I only lust for sleep and peace. But my children make me feel joy whenever I look at them so all worth it.

Hi all, how is everyone & your little ones?
Noah is really struggling with Wind. Every time he feeds he spends hours wriggling around in pain. Its almost impossible to get him to burp. He doesn't cry all the time with it just makes moans & grunts & rolls around. Seeing the health visitor today but have no idea how to help him. It's worse in the night hes lucky if he gets an hours contented sleep.
The best sleep he gets is in the day if I walk about for a few hours with him in the pram.
Iv been staying at my mums since DP went back to the Army, she's been helping out in the nights so I can get an hours sleep here & there. I'm so nervous about going home & doing it on my own.

On a better note I breastfed in public yesterday for the first time.

Do we have all the April babies now? Or are we waiting on any? Havnt had a minute to look over the threads yet.
Hope everyone has a nice day

Xx

pitmountain please don't do things to please your mother or prove a point to her.

You are the parent here, it's your house, do what you need to do, and in the politest possible way - sod her thoughts on the cot!