anyone help need to speak someone

[007angel]

I give birth to my beautiful daughter on 16th October 2010 and had to have emergency surgery to save my life I had a full hysterectomy as I lost 12 liters of blood and ended on intensive care for 2 and a half days I?m lucky to be here today. As you can imagine I am not in any right state of mind to this date.

I cant come to terms of what happeded to me even tho my partner seems to think i'm ok as i have never been the type of person to dwell on things between juggling my 4 kids and debits I some times feel i just cant carry on and wish i had not made it through the operation. sounds selfish but i cant help feeling it.

I have tried to approach different groups on line but got no where I even went to the doctors to explain what i'm feeling but opt out at last min as i just seem to bottle it.

Hi angel, you have been through a terrible ordeal at what is meant to be a happy time.

I don't have any real advice I'm afraid except speak to your gp who will be able to refer you for counselling. Talking about these things can help. You also sound totally exhausted, can you get any help at all with day to day stuff?

Sorry you have been through this.

You sound like you have post traumatic stress disorder. I recently had cognitive behavioural therapy and it really really helped. Ask your gp to refer you for this. Go to gp confident and assertive as they need to send you to a therapist.

Have you spoken to the Birth Trauma Association ?

Sounds like you really have been through the mill.

Do you have any friends you can talk to in real life about it?

thanks for your mesage - no i moved from the north east got no family to help my parents retired to bulgaria too my mum came over to help look after the kids while i went in to hospital (just as well she did at the time). She stayed as long as she could love her.

If you feel you'll struggle to talk to your doctor, write down what you've written here and give it to him. It'll be a start to feeling better and healing. xx

Your comment about your DH rang true with me. We have a son with a non inherited genetic condition and he is frequently ill. I am always the one that just copes. When one day I broke down he was so utterly shocked. He came to a counselling session with me and it did truly help him to see that sometimes it's just a front, and that I cope because I have no choice.

thanks all I have friends but as many they all have familys and i know it sounds silly but i just say things are ok as i dont want to be a burden.
I tried birth trauma association in jan but had no response to my email.

Would you support your friends if they were in your position? I'm sure the answer is yes. Don't worry about speaking to them - friendship is about support, not just the nice times, and you won't be a burden.