Well we survived night 1 and night 2 and I am now ALL ON MY OWN with baby for a bit as DH has gone to sign papers at work and buy me a breast pump. Before anyone shouts at him the papers are so we get a whole 3 extra euros a month for having had a baby and so they can't deploy him for the next 2 weeks, therefore they're important!
Here follows a brain dump - feel free to scroll past.
Birth story
Although it felt like hell at the time I actually mist up thinking about this now.
Contractions started Wednesday afternoon although I managed a 3 hour phone conversation with my best friend without them bugging me too much and we went for a nice walk along unmade roads which kick-started a few more vicious ones. I decided to have a bath and wash my hair then went to bed, only couldn't get comfy so left DH to it and got up to move around. After a while it was pretty obvious that I was actually in labour and I had a show, followed by some more (and some more!). Yoda ball didn't help, I just wanted to walk around, lean against something when a contraction hit and have a heat pad on my back.
After a while I got DH to call the maternity unit to say that I was in labour and check whether they had space for me. They weren't too enthusiastic about it - saying they were very busy and couldn't promise they wouldn't have to transfer me - and advised me to stay at home until morning. That sent me into a total tailspin. I have a hospital phobia and they're the ones who know about me and my birth plan and the place they'd have transferred me was horrible - 'you arrive, we do an internal, we monitor you continuously, we give you an epidural, you will dilate at 1cm/hour, you will not eat/drink/pass go, once you are fully dilated you have an hour to get the baby out or we will assist' - so I decided that I was going to stop the baby coming until they had space 
. Actually tensing up just resulted in very painful exhausting contractions and I tried to lie down but by 6am it was quite obvious it was futile and we went to hospital.
Examination on arrival showed that I was 2cm dilated (a self-exam at home had me at 4 though, although I know it's not hugely reliable!) and the stress of transferring in managed to stall my labout for 4 hours. At 10am though DH made me get up and walk around, do some t'ai chi and that really got things going again. All fours was the most comfy place to be but it gave me backache and then a lovely midwife came and helped me stand against the wall with the Yoda ball in the small of my back (and then attached me to a monitor but that was okay!). When she came back she was a bit worried as the monitor wasn't picking up baby's heartbeat properly and she said it might be a good idea to transfer to a different delivery room where they could do wireless continuous monitoring. So I had to walk all of about 20m but somehow that coincided with everything ramping up a notch or 10! The next half hour was a bit scary - lots of being attached to monitors and having to lie back while I was poked and prodded which wasn't a comfy position at all and I was shaking so hard from the pain of being flat on my back they were worried I was fitting but it got better when I lay on my side. Then about hal an hour later my waters went with a pop - I swear I felt to pop inside! Then suddenly I was screaming and demanding a CS or at least an epidural. The MW asked DH to translate and thankfully he said 'she says she wants a C-section at once or an epidural but she doesn't really, she's in transition' while I'm there shouting 'I do, I do!'. Upshot was she offered me G&A and in 2 minutes I was high as a kite. MW warned DH I might seem a bit disconnected and apparently I replied 'disconnected is goooooood'.
Shortly after I had a really uncontrollable urge to push and freaked so got on my hands and knees. MW said I coud start pushing, then left again and it wasn't too bad until I reached down and felt the was half out!!! So DH called her back. Then it started to sting so I had more G&A and 10 mins later head was out, another 5 mins for the body, he was delivered up and through my legs so I sat back onto my heels and he was there. I was in shock, DH cried. Then we had lots of lovely skin to skin and 2 hours of BFing while I was stitched up.
Hospital stay wasn't that bad - staff were lovely and fab at establishing BFing. Stitches are healing fairly nicely and on the last night we had a private room so DH could stay over 
And then we came home - out of that nice controlled environment - and suddenly we were alone with this small child and he was sleeping (which isn't normal for a 3 day old, right?!) so naturally we worried, and we couldn't control the temperature in the lounge so we were worried he was overheating, and then we were worried the bedroom was too cold. Mind you we were freezing because I insisted we took the duvet out of the cover in case he ended up with us. In case! Actually it was pretty inevitable that he would migrate from his bedside crib in to us... Went for a long sleeved body and a cotton lawn swaddling cloth plus us and that seemed to work. Medela nipple shields lifesaver that first night - just 2 feeds with them managed to restore my ravaged nips and I've now slathered them in lansinoh and using disposable breast pads at a rate of knots.
Okay. That took me about 3 hours to write including feeding and nappy changing, and DH returning with a breast pump and half the pharmacy, and now he's grizzling again so I'm off to be munched!